Sunday, November 22, 2015

Why Can't We Just Get Along?!?

No matter how loving and sweet-natured the cat, he some times, as a matter of pride, needs to assert his independence and show his human he's not only cute, but tough. And what cat doesn't like secrets and "secret missions?" What happens when, in the course of a secret mission, Bear realizes his mousie isn't a "real" mouse? And he's confronted on his fear of living things? What happens when Bear decides to revolt? Why and how is he revolting? Unfortunately, Bear frustrates his own plots and leaves Momma feeling exasperated as well. With abounding misunderstandings, Bear's "Mr. Tough Pants" attitude, and Momma's frustration . . . enjoy the twists and turns as the fur flies! One might wonder, "WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET ALONG?!?!" Anyone with a cat knows the answer (even though we love our felines dearly and can't imagine life without them) . . .

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Part 1 - "Real" vs. "fake" micey:
BC: If someone happens to ask for me . . . I'm not here.
MK: Oooooookay.
BC: Don't you want to know why?
MK: Not really. I'll leave you to your own devices.
BC: Oh! So now you don't care! Is that what you're saying?
MK: More like, I don't WANT to know. Which consequently is better for you . . . just in case I'm tortured.
BC: What do I care if you're tortured?
MK: Nice, Bear. I mean that if whomever is looking for you tortures me for information, I won't know anything to tell him, so you'll be safe.
BC: Oh. Do you hide often? You're SMART!
MK: Thanks.
BC: Wait a minute! You don't hide from me, do you?
MK: Don't you have somewhere to be or hide or something?
BC: Oh, right. You always distract me with your nonsense! My mousie should be by any minute. As a reminder . . . I'm not here.
MK: Ummm . . . Bear, your mousie isn't really alive and therefore can't exactly chase you . . . 
BC: WHAT?
MK: Why would you think your micey are "real mice?"
BC: HOW WOULD I KNOW? You call my mousie, mouse, and I've never met another kind of mouse, so how would I know the difference? You mean I'm not a "real" mouser? My whole life is a lie! All along, I thought I was schooling REAL mice . . . but they're just dummies!
MK: You never wondered why they don't eat or poop or reproduce?
BC: Reproduce? What does that mean?
MK: Oh, Bear . . . 
BC: Don't "Oh, Bear" me! I want a real mouse! It's the LEAST you can do . . . to remedy this damage to my self-esteem!
MK: No. You're scared of anything that moves by itself . . . including that little motorized Hexbug I got you . . . if I got you a real mouse, you'd end up under the bed and then what would I do with it?
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: But I'm right.
BC: I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU! I'd totally show that mouse what's up!
MK: After I kill it! Just like the ants, you'd probably roll all over the mouse carcass, after I killed the dang mouse myself!
BC: How do you know those ants were dead? Are you an expert on mouse respiration? I was trying to help you by killing them and instead you mock me!
MK: Okay. You want to be ridiculous? Let's suppose the ants were really "alive" . . . how do I know you weren't trying to revive them with CPR by rolling all over them?
BC: Don't be silly. You can't give ants CPR.
MK: You can't kill ants that are already dead!
BC: Poor ants. You have anger issues!
MK: Noooo. I have CAT issues.
BC: No! NO! Don't get near me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Momma's trying to smash me like a little bug! Bear abuse! She killed the ants when she had "ant issues" and now she's trying to kill the cat because she has "cat issues!"
MK: Bear, I haven't moved from my chair.
BC: I see the murderous look in your eyes!
MK: Probably a reflection of you.
BC: That's right! And don't forget it! No one messes with Bear Cat and gets away with it!
MK: Unless you're a Hexbug, a bird, a squirrel, your own shadow . . . 
BC: I was not afraid of the Hexbug!
MK: Bear, it accidentally trapped you in the corner by the front door and you freaked out and were too scared to even jump over it.
BC: It wasn't "accidentally!" That Hexbug had it out for me!
MK: Bear, it's not alive! It just has sensors at each end so when it senses a wall it goes in the opposite direction. It didn't even know you were there! It was going between the front door and the coat closet door . . . which just happened to cut you off from the rest of the room since you went in the corner to hide.
BC: Oooooooooh! I . . . oughta . . . ummm . . . I . . . I HATE YOU!

Notes:  What's a Hexbug? A little mechanical toy with sensors at each end . . . the Bug goes in one direction, until it senses a wall or obstacle, and then goes in the opposite direction, until the other end senses another obstacle . . . back and forth and so on. Here's a picture to show the relative size of the "beast." Of course, during the photo shoot, Bear had to photobomb because everything's about him . . . as you can see, he's not scared of the Hexbug when it's off . . . 

Part 2 - Revolting:
BC: I'm revolting!
MK: No you're not! You're adorable!
BC: You won't find my revolution adorable when it's in full swing! I just gave you a courtesy warning. You can't tell me I'm not revolting! You aren't the boss of me!
MK: OH! You meant revolting as in rebellion, not revolting as in disgusting!
BC: No. My revolution WILL disgust you!
MK: Okay. I'm just sharing the multiple meanings of revolting.
BC: Believe me, there will be no mistake on the meaning of my revolt!
MK: No, I mean the word has multiple meanings and I confused them!
BC: There will be no confusion about my revolution either - YOU WILL KNOW. You will FEEL the pain!
MK: I'm sure you're right!
BC: NO!
MK: No what?
BC: If we agree, my revolt cannot proceed! You RUIN everything! When's Bear's fun time? 
MK: No, I don't agree on whatever the point of your revolution is . . . I just agree that I'll feel the pain. Oh never mind.
BC: Do we agree or disagree? I'm confused.
MK: We agree. If agreeing means avoiding a revolt.
BC: So you agree that I should have a whole chicken? ROCK ON!
MK: NO! I only said we agree to thwart your revolution . . . if I say I agree, you won't revolt . . . we only really agree that I'll feel the pain of your revolution.
BC: Lies! My revolt will not be suppressed! I will not be tricked out of my fight for a whole chicken! YOU WILL PAY!
MK: Sounds serious! What's your plan?
BC: That is classified information . . . I will use surprise as my weapon!
MK: You don't know what you're going to do, do you? You just wanted to tell me you're revolting and make a bunch of threats.
BC: Did it work? Do I get a whole chicken?
MK: No.
BC: RATS! You tricked me into admitting I don't have a plan!
{Pause}
BC: But I was lying! Of course I have a plan! And you WILL pay! Prepare to pay!
MK: Oh, brother . . .
BC: That's right! You'll be calling in all your evil human reinforcements - including your brother - when you feel my pain!
{Pause}
BC: Can I have some ear rubs while I plot? You can't peek!
MK: Sure.
BC: I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Bear.
BC: But I'm still revolting!
MK: Of course you are.
BC: Am I scary?
MK: Absolutely! I live in fear of The Great Bear Cat!
BC: But I'm cute sometimes too, right?
MK: Yes. Often at the same time as when I "fear" you.
BC: That's what I thought.

The picture that ties it all together . . . when Bear used his "fake" micey to remind Momma he wants a whole chicken . . . his desire for a whole chicken being the whole idea behind his "revolution" (from THIS POST):

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