Monday, July 18, 2016

Chickpocalypse

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Chickpocalypse:
BC: La de da, la de {GASP!}.
{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! MooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMAAAA!
{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! It's an emergency! Err ... a TRAVESTY! A plagiarism! No! Scrap that last one.
MK: What? What's wrong?
BC: MY SIGNS!
MK: What?
BC: Some tasty whole noms came in, ripped up my signs, and escaped! Under my nose!
MK: {trying not to laugh}.
BC: And ... and ... the pieces are in my LITTER BOX!


MK: {failing to suppress a bit of laughter}.
BC: But ... but ... only (BLEEP) goes in my litter box! My signs aren't (BLEEP)!
MK: I'm sorry, Bear.
BC: Those feisty tasty whole noms wanted to keep other noms from falling into my food bowl!
MK: That's HORRIBLE!
BC: AHEM.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Please remove the sign from my litter box.
MK: Why?
BC: I have to poop!
MK: Just go!
BC: No! I can't desecrate my sign by POOPING on it! 
MK: PIECES of your sign.
BC: I can't desecrate my sign by POOPING on pieces of it! I'll hold it ... {GRUNT} ... until {GRUUUUUUNT} ...
MK: Oh, THIS is ridiculous!
BC: FINALLY! 
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: Now that I am no longer full of poop ... back to business. I wonder which ones did it.
MK: What do you mean?
BC: The tasty whole chickens? The tasty whole tunas? The tasty whole fish? The tasty whole turkeys? The tasty whole cows?
MK: Are you sure you're still not full of poop?
BC: Can you smell?
MK: I didn't mean that LITER ... {sigh}.
BC: Chickens are like cats ... they can't be trusted.
MK: {barely stifling a laugh}.
BC: But the fish are slippery. The turkeys are tricky. And the cows act confused, but you can't ever trust anything with spots or that farts that much.
MK: I bet ...
BC: IT WAS THE CHICKENS!
MK: I'm sorry?
BC: Chickens scratch right?
MK: Err ...
BC: Oh, come on! Haven't you heard of chicken scratch?
MK: Okay?
BC: I scratch in my litter box.
MK: I'm not following.
BC: If you don't see it, I can't explain it to you. They thought they'd trick me so I'd blame the turkeys, but that's just fowl! 
MK: FOUL!
BC: That's what I said!
MK: Maybe it was the aliens.
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Aliens don't go anywhere near litter boxes.
MK: That makes sense. The smell ...
BC: That's why cats get the crazies RIGHT AFTER they go in the litter box.
MK: Okay?
BC: We re-enter the alien zone and it takes a bit to readjust to the voices again.
MK: I'll take your word for it.
BC: THAT'S IT! I DECLARE WAR ON THE CHICKENS!
MK: How's that different than any other day?
BC: {glaring at Momma}.
MK: War it is!
BC: I have to strategize. And arm myself. The chickpocalypse is coming and it's going to be ugly.
MK: I'm not sure a war and an apocalypse are {seeing Bear's glare} ... err, chickpocalypse it is.
BC: How do you arm yourself against chickens? Or wait ... do you have to wing yourself?
MK: I think "arming" is fine.
BC: You better be right. This is very serious. Do we have a nugget maker?
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I want to arm myself with a nugget maker! Isn't that what chickens' fear? Or maybe pox? Where do I get pox for chickens? OOOH! And we have to set a TRAP.
MK: A chicken trap?
BC: What other kind of trap would catch a chicken?!?! THINK, Momma. THINK! Think like a chicken.
MK: Isn't that what you do when you hide under the bed?
BC: Chickens don't hide under the bed! 
{Pause}
BC: Do they? I'm going to have to adjust my strategy for that ... err ... and maybe you should check under the beds ... not because I'm SCARED, but because ... because ... ummm ...
MK: All great generals learn to delegate?
BC: WE NEED A GATE TOO?!?!? What's a del? Or did you mean a chickengate? By the time I'm finally prepared for the chickpocalypse it will be TOO LATE! {YAWN!}
{Pause}
BC: Time for a nap!
MK: But ...
BC: What?
MK: Nothing.
BC: Naps are so much better right after you've pooped.
MK: {to herself} Thanks so much for sharing ...

Featured post of the Day:
Did you miss the post where Bear's unveiled his plan to use signs to lure tasty whole noms to his food bowl? Read the entire scheme here: How to get to Bear's food bowl.

21 comments:

  1. Or could it have been the weasels? The Weasel Syndicate might be after your tasty whole chickens and... MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WEASEL SYNDICATE? Because individual weasels aren't enough? Now they're ORGANIZED? MOUSES! Err ... RODENTS!

      Delete
  2. Or could it have been the weasels? The Weasel Syndicate might be after your tasty whole chickens and... MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WEASEL SYNDICATE? Because individual weasels aren't enough? Now they're ORGANIZED? MOUSES! Err ... RODENTS!

      Delete
  3. What a travesty Bear. But hey, do those whole noms come walkin' thru your house on da regular? Just askin' ya' know, cuz we ain't never seen a real live cow up close and purrsonal like anywhere near our 'pawrtment, much less close to our food bowls. "course, it's not like our food bowls are actually out and about fur any noms to drop in. Mommy gets them from da dryin' rack or cabinet right befur meal time. Maybe we're missin' out on some of those live noms by not havin' a dinner plate readily available. We's gonna have to think on this one. Good luck with your war. Uh we mean chickpawcolyps. And we's sendin' big hugs and purrayers fur your mommy.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma doesn't need prayers and hugs!!! I'm the one facing the evil chickens!!! Oh, wait. Yeah. She kind of does ... I can be somewhat "interesting" to live with sometimes :) ~Bear Cat
      ps - we should all take a field trip to a cow factory! Momma says cows come from farms, but I'm not stupid. Everyone know things are made in factories!

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  4. Noooo war on the chickens! I will naever manage to stock my Chicken Emporium if you do that, Bear. - Ashton

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But ... but ... chickens are so WHOLE and so TASTY! And I'm willing to share! ~Bear Cat

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  5. I'm with Ashton! No wars on chickens please, even if this IS hilarious!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But ... but ... chickens are so WHOLE and so TASTY! And I'm willing to share! ~Bear Cat

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  6. I am sorry the chickens got in and ruined your sings. You know what you need is a fox or a weasel- chickens fear them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooooooooh! Can you buy those on Amazon? ~Bear Cat

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  7. Momma Kat better watch her Amazon account. I wouldn't be surprised to see a nugget maker casually arrive at her doorstep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Momma told me there was no such thing as a nugget maker! I'd been looking around Amazon for chicken pox! ~Bear Cat

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    2. Oh no! No such thing? Then what does that MickyD's do??? Maybe you can sneak in and steal one of theirs... Not that I'm promoting that. But you know what I mean.

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    3. I'm on it. Do you a McBurgler costume I can borrow?

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  8. Psst: I am pretty sure it was the turkeys not the chickens …because then we could call it gobble gobble gate,

    ReplyDelete
  9. I recommend A Kraken, self sufficient and guaranteed to eat anyone or thing that moves around your home, or moat... if you've not a moat then a bath will do. That will leave you free to order in the tasty whole chickens.... One down side is they do seem to like mailmen, so you may need an alternate delivery route! purrs ERin

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    Replies
    1. I need to talk my Momma into a moat. Those sound super cool and I bet you don't have a problem with miscreants tearing up your signs. Of course, tasty whole noms couldn't make it across the moat either ... I need to think about this. Maybe a drawbridge that admits tasty whole noms only? But what if the tasty whole noms ARE the miscreants? BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD! ~Bear Cat

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