Friday, January 13, 2017

Crazypants

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Crazypants:
BC: {running one direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Bear leaps over the couch and skitters over the end table}
{CRASH}
BC: {running the other direction} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Bear bounces off the wall}
{THUNK}
BC: {running down the hall} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: {as he jumps on the bed} OOF! {Bear breathes heavily}. That was close.
MK: Huh? Aaaa ... ummm ... tse tse tse. Hmmm. Oh, hi, Bear.
BC: {snoring}.
{Momma gets up to go to the bathroom ... a few minutes pass}.
MK: {walking back into the bedroom} BEAR!

BC: What?
MK: Move.
BC: No.

MK: You're taking up the entire bed!
BC: There's plenty of room!

MK: If I detach every single limb and place them in different unoccupied sectors!
BC: I can arrange that you know.

MK: I dare you, Mr. Tough Pants.
BC: Have you noticed that I don't eat doughnuts and I fit on the bed? You eat doughnuts and ...
MK: So what? Only butt lickers fit on the bed?
BC: You really should come up with a new criticism. The whole butt licking thing is old.
MK: Oh? And doughnuts?
BC: Make your butt ... oh.
{Pause}
BC: You moved! I was here first!
MK: Suck it, cat!
BC: YOU suck it, woman!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! I was here FIRST! You can't MOVE me!

MK: I can do whatever I want, CRAZYPANTS!
BC: Oh, yeah? If I'M the crazypants, then that means that I WEAR THE PANTS!
MK: CRAZY pants!
{Pause}
BC: AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... {CHOMP!}.

MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! UNFANG ME, you humongous pain in my behind!
BC: {letting go for a minute} I'm biting your arm ... if you're having pain in your behind, you should eat fewer doughnuts!
MK: NOT what I ...
BC: AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... {CHOMP!}.

MK: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! UNFANG ME!

MK: For the love of ... why didn't you mention "Fang and Claw: In Cold Blood" the other day when you were talking about feline literary works? That sounds like the quintessential cat tome.
BC: The movie's better. Some things just can't be accurately described in prose you know. 
MK: I blog, Bear! I'm well aware of the limits of prose.
BC: Well, no, technically I blog.
MK: {sigh} Okay, okay. But I went to the blogging conference!
BC: You said there were ENDLESS BOWLS of cat treats there!
MK: Okay. This year, I'll shove you in your carrier for the ride to the airport ...
BC: No thanks. 
MK: Exactly.
BC: Hmph. You don't have to be so SMUG about it! I meant you could've emptied them in your bag and brought them home for me.
MK: Then what about the cats that were there, that weren't too scared of their own shadows ...
BC: But you're right ... True-cat Cat-ope ...
{Momma starts laughing}
BC: WHAT? What's so funny?
MK: Exhibit A ... Tru-MAN Ca-po-te becomes True-Cat Cat-ope ...
BC: But that was his name!
MK: Exhibit B ... And we're debating this at three thirty in the morning!
BC: HEY! You woke ME up when you got out of bed!
MK: Bear, the only reason I got up is because you woke me up running around here like a crazypants.
BC: That was forever ago!
MK: Ten minutes ago?
BC: Like I said, FOREVER.
MK: Well, I had to go to the bathroom, we've had this ridiculous conversation/fanging AND it takes me a little while to go from rock status to awake enough to get out of bed.
BC: That's not true! The times I gobble down half my bowl of dry food JUST to barf it up super dramatically so you think I'm dying, you leap out of bed in about two sec ...

{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: And you knocked the lamp over again, didn't you?
BC: {GASP} How do you know? Did THEY tell you?

MK: No. You've knocked that lamp over enough that I know what it sounds like.
BC: A smart person ... not that there is such a thing of course ... would learn and not put the lamp there.

MK: A smart person knows that when your cat runs around like a crazypants at three in the morning ... just because he pooped ... nothing is safe no matter WHERE you put it.
BC: I am not YOUR cat.

MK: I find it hilarious that the only part of that statement you could refute was the YOUR.
BC: You woke me up when you got up!
MK: You woke me up when you ran around like a crazypants and careened off walls, furniture and lamps!
BC: There was only one lamp.

MK: That's not the point.
BC: I can't HAVE a point because you clipped my claws earlier!
MK: That's not true! You had your fangs all the way into my arm before. I'm bleeding!
BC: Well, you shouldn't have tried to move me!
MK: Then you shouldn't have tried to take up the ENTIRE QUEEN SIZED BED!
BC: I didn't TRY, Momma. I SUCCEEDED!
MK: EXACTLY!
BC: RATS!

MK: You are awfully cute ... well, now that you've extricated your fangs from my arm.
BC: {CHOMP!}

MK: OWW! What was that for?
BC: You said I'm cute! I'm not CUTE! I'm a ferocious ... err ... a ferocious ... err ...
MK: Biter? Clawer?
BC: YES! And I drop a ferociously stinky poop! Which is why THEY are after me ...

MK: Are you ready for snug ...
{Pause}
MK: FEROCIOUS snuggles?
BC: Will you tuck me in next to you?
MK: Of course. I love you, ferocious biter/clawer/pooper.
BC: I love you too, Momma.



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35 comments:

  1. Hey Bear, if you knock the lamp over hard enough to break it, the lamp will go away and you won't get blamed for knocking it over any more. Not that we ever did that or anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what happened to our floor lamp ... ;) Bear Cat

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  2. You need the bed after all that running Bear!

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  3. Bear, those last two pictures just couldn't be any cuter. You can be a good boy when you want to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you - my Momma says that too :) Don't tell anyone though ... I have some street cred to maintain! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Bear, those first few pictures were great! And totally wonderful work. We too have our mom pretty well trained. We often lay each in different corners at the foot of the bed... so she tends to sleep diagonally. Good for her that she's short.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're lucky we're cute too! It's hard for them to be mad when we're sleeping so adorably :) ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear I cannot believe you managed to have a reasonably intelligent conversation with your human at 3.30 am!!!! Astounding! If I tried with mine, all I would get is &%^*£$%!! I am relieved at the end of all that, you are still BFF! MOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've trained her well, don't you think? ;) ~Bear Cat

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  6. George is in the wild & crazy teens. The girls humour him. They love their little brother...lucky for him! xo

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  7. Mudpie loves to go "crazypants" too...thankfully she's pretty good about sleeping (most) of the night.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I alternate ... I snuggle with Momma MOST of the night ... but I get up for a few short adventures too :) ~Bear Cat

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  8. And here we were thinkin' Raena was da only one bouncin' off walls. Dat drives mommy crazy. Ya' know dat 'fraid she's gonna break somethin' thing. MOL But she doesn't have to go pawdee to do it. Can't believe ya'll were already in bed sound asleep at 3 a.m., we thought dat was da kitty hour. MOL Ya' do look adorable gettin' all tucked in Bear. Big hugs to you both.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Looking adorable gets me out of 99% of my mischief. I did break a floor lamp once though ... ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear I am pawsitive that you and my BFGF Cathy Keisha are related!! She also gnaws on her peeps!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And they say only dogs like chew toys! ~Bear Cat

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  10. She is so rude to you Bear. All that biting and she still doesn't get the message.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! I just HAD to choose a blabby human with a high pain tolerance!!! ~Bear Cat

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  11. YOu are looking very thin in those first few photos- is Momma feeding you enough?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I keep telling her!!! Okay, okay ... in reality, the vet says I'm not missing any meals (when I was closer to 15 lbs he wanted me to lose a little) ... and I am very long so I hide 14 lbs well ... I do look very lean in the photo though! Maybe I can convince Momma to give me a few extra treats .... ~Bear Cat

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  12. My cat says you gotta train these human not to be so sleepy at night - that's when lots of good things happen!

    That's Purrfect

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm not sure I want her to see EVERYTHING ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. AMARULA: Try giving her baby toy a good nip! That should teach her! And you are so right that it's not fair that only I have bells and Frodo and Zulu don't! It's because I am the only outdoor cat -- at least that is what the human tells me -- I think she just always wants to know where I am!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I guess if Frodo or Zulu go missing the human won't mind ;)
      I have quite the portfolio of bites ... you have to rotate, you know ... I like to work with a blank canvas so my Momma is well labeled as mine! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Granny says she is lucky that I have my crazy hour in the early evenings and not in the middle of the night, because I can have more quality time too, so I think you better change your schedule, BearCat...MOL :D Pawkisses for a Happy Caturday :) <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You only have one crazy hour a day? Err ... asking for a friend of course ... ~Bear Cat

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  15. Well, we're glad that confrontation ended in a truce. :)

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  16. OMC Bear, those bed pictures of you are simply adorable! Is it okay to call a fierce mancat adorable?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, if you MUST ... especially because it is very true ;) ~Bear Cat

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