Friday, November 10, 2017

The [almost] nightly routine

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: Ellie Mae

BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Hi ... ladies ... torties ... crab cakes ... once ... twice ... three times ... tortie ... gingers ... I love you ... chickens ... bazookas ... best ... day ... ever ...too good ... true ... heaven?!?
MK: Awwwww. Adorable!
EM: Of course. Aren't I always?

MK: Ummm ... I was talking about Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants.
EM: You think THAT'S adorable?!? He's SNORING! If I had to guess, I'd say he's dreaming about an orgy - torties jumping out of crab cakes and a certain ginger girl bazooka-ing tasty whole chickens. And I think he farted a few minutes ago. Let me tell you ... it was even more foul than anything that flows through his depraved mind.

MK: He lives his life with his whole heart - good, bad, or indifferent. No apologies. 
EM: Is that a nice way of saying he's obnoxious?
MK: No. He's a good boy and he loves his Momma. I admire his spirit and heart. 
EM: Boys are gross. Even when they sleep. Though I guess as long as he's sleeping, I don't have to worry about him licking my butt or sniffing around the carpet from which I just moved. CREEPY!!! 
MK: He's a bit ... special.
EM: Have you noticed how peaceful it is around here when he's out cold?
MK: He's my handsome boy.
EM: Hmph. There's no accounting for taste, I suppose. 
MK: Your Daddy and I love you both. 
EM: But I'm Daddy's favorite.
MK: Last night, he made me move just so you could jump on his lap and he could snuggle with you.
EM: I'm a Daddy's girl.

MK: Ooooooooookay.
{Momma walks out of the room}
EM: Hey, DUMBASS! 
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
EM: HEY! You sound like a decrepit wood chipper! NO! A walrus with a head cold! NO! A congested fire-breathing dragon! A bulldozer-driving grizzly bear wielding a chainsaw!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
EM: MOMMA! TOOTHBRUSH!!!
BC: {jerking awake} HUH?! Where?!? I've gotta get out of ...
{Bear looks around}
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You said that just so I'd wake up!
EM: You snore.
BC: I don't snore. You snore.
EM: I'm a delicate lady.

BC: If by delicate you mean a jumbo steamroller chasing a ticked off hippo.
EM: If you're the ticked off hippo.
BC: Stop calling me fat! I'm just FLUFFY!
EM: You called me fat first!
BC: That's because you ARE fat!
EM: Take it back!
BC: No.
EM: Take it back! Or else!
BC: Or else WHAT?!?! You'll sit on me with your house-sized tuna butt? You'll attack me?!? Ooooh ... somehow I'm NOT scared!
EM: You SHOULD be!
BC: NOT.

EM: Brothers are stupid.
BC: SISTERS are MORE stupid.
EM: Brothers are stupidest!
BC: Sisters are more stupidest.
EM: That makes no sense!
BC: Neither do you!
EM: Yes, I do!
BC: No, you don't!
EM: I HATE YOU!
BC: I hate you MORE!
EM: I hate you the most!
BC: I hate you even more than that!

EM: It's not MY fault you're in a bad mood!
BC: I'm not in a bad mood! But I have every reason to be since you woke me up from my nap!
EM: You nap all day!
BC: Because you're in my face all night! As soon as The Boy gets in bed, you won't leave me alone! And then he thinks I'M the bully! Not that I care what Dweeble Dumber thinks.
EM: If The Boy and I are Dweeble Dumb and Dweeble Dumber and he's Dweeble Dumber, that means I'm Dweeble Dumb?

BC: I guess.
EM: AWWWWW. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! Momma said you'd come around eventually.
BC: Don't get used to it. Unless you leave me alone.
EM: I just want to play!
BC: My tail isn't a toy!
EM: That means the rest of you is?
BC: JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!!
EM: Make me!
BC: {starting to walk away} NOT worth my time!
EM: {whapping at Bear} ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

BC: Stop touching me!
EM: You're touching ME!
BC: Leave me alone!
EM: Leave ME alone!
BC: I am!
EM: No, you're not!

EM: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!
{The cats spring at each other}
BC: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
EM: GO. AWAY!
{The cats roll around on the floor}

MK: {walking into the room} KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!
{The cats stop at the same time - still intertwined in places}

BC: SHE started it!
EM: NO. HE started it.
BC: Shut up!
EM: You shut up. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!
{Ellie attacks Bear}

{The cats roll around the floor tussling and knocking into Momma's chair again and again}

MK: HEY! THAT'S IT!!!
{Both cats run to the cat tree corner and hide}
MK: Oh, nononononononono ... NO! If you two can't co-exist in a room as big as the living room ... you CERTAINLY can't handle being in a small corner together. 
{Silence}
MK: I don't care who comes out ... but one of you better come out of that corner.
BC: You go!
EM: NO! YOU go!
BC: YOU!
EM: YOU!
BC: I was here first!
EM: SO?!?
{Ellie whaps Bear}
BC: I'm really tired of ending up with your paw in my face! 
{Ellie whacks Bear in the face with her tail}
BC: HEY! Keep that monstrosity to yourself!
EM: My tail isn't a monstrosity! It's long and bushy and BEAUTIFUL!
BC: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
EM: My tail's pretty!
BC: No, it's not.
EM: YES, it is! You're just jealous.
BC: No.
EM: Yes.
BC: I dare you to come closer so I can open my can of whoop-ass furry fury!
MK: FINE! BOTH of you need to come out. You two fight and when I try to break you up, you both run to the same corner of the room! You two are crazy!
{Both cats come out from hiding under the cat tree in the corner}
BC: Can we have treats?

MK: You both had your wet food treat half an hour ago! Remember?! 
BC: HMPH. How could I forget having my teeth brushed and my claws clipped?!
MK: You two were better organized this time though in your attempts to avoid both. Instead of both running to the same corner to hide - Bear ran to his window.
BC: SCREWED! I showed Smellie that hiding spot to begin with!!! I told her that it was really hard for Momma to drag a cat out from the very back corner ... and then she stole my spot!
EM: It's not MY fault you aren't as quick as me. I just got there first.
BC: But I showed you that spot! And then Momma nabbed me several times since we both can't fit in that spot! From now on when the toothbrush comes out, I'm going for my window or under the bed so I'm not screwed. Can we have more food?
EM: I'm hungry!
BC: I'm hungrier!

{Pause}
BC: Ellie's looking at me! Momma! Tell SMELLIE to stop looking at me!
EM: Stop talking to me!
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: I hate you more!
MK: STOP FIGHTING! As soon as The Boy goes to bed, you two fight constantly. Why don't you carry on with this nonsense when he's awake?
The Boy: {from the other room} NOT TRUE! Because of their nonsense, I'm still awake!
EM: It's not MY fault! Bear won't leave me alone!
The Boy: {from the other room} Bear! Be nice!
{Ellie chuckles to herself}
EM: He started it!
BC: No, I didn't!
EM: Yes, you did!
BC: Stop being ...
EM: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! BEAR! STOP!

BC: I didn't do anything! She just walked past me! She's trying to get me in trouble.
The Boy: {from the other room} BEAR!!!!!!
EM: TRYING?!?
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, Smellie!
{Silence as the cats look opposite directions}
MK: Whatever works to keep the peace.


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58 comments:

  1. MOL! Your nightly routine looks a little similar to our nightly routine - but spread between four bickering cats and sometimes a foster.

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  2. We LOVE the photo of you two together yet looking in opposite directions! Our Mom off-handedly mentioned you sound like her siblings growing up which, by our calculations, must have been way before cats were even invented, so it would be perfectly okay if you ignored anything she mentions ever again.

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    Replies
    1. Our Momma is only good at this because she grew up with a sibling of her own!

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  3. That is a pretty spirited Friday happy hour you two!

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  4. Ellie OMCs I feel for you. My dad snores and I know it can be quite distracting.
    Hugs madi your bfff

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  5. Looks like you two are sorta having a good time. Love that last picture. That is a good one. You all have a great week end.

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  6. MOL ! That's a funny and exciting evening routine ! Purrs

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  7. There's a line from 'Hamlet", about a lady doth protest too much? All of this fussing and fighting, just to prove that you two don't like each other...harrumph!

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    Replies
    1. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't tell anyone!!! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  8. AMARULA: My evening routine is very similar to yours Bear! And I can't believe your mom somehow found out about my nickname for you--Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants!!

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  9. That sounds familiar... Mickey Mouser and Rufus the Red can get quite rowdy while waiting for dinner!
    "full of sound and fury Signifying nothing." (thank goodness)!
    xxoo
    Maggie

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    Replies
    1. Add a post-poop case of the zoomies and things are down-right crazy around here!

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  10. You guys sure have fun! I bet you even sleep together when the peoples are not watching!
    And I bet you don't argue when they are not around either!
    Purrs
    Marv

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    Replies
    1. We haven't been caught sleeping together yet ... we're pros ;)

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  11. Ah, teamwork... can bring lots more fun.

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  12. Oh my, you two are worse than Kali and I. Kali usually falls asleep and could care less how I feel. You sound like bro and sis but I bet you'd help the other one if someone attacked your sis/bro.
    Shoko and Kali

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    Replies
    1. We know Kali is the perfect lady and would NEVER snore, right? ;)

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  13. We bet you two love each other and just argue to keep your momma on her toes. Our mom almost spit wine all over the computer when she read about the farting. Cooper used to do that until the humans changed his food. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. Ummm ... or we could get rid of Bear, right? Then NO MORE GROSS FARTING! ~Ellie Mae

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  14. oh so you are Ellie Mae! I do fink you waz mentions in Cats With Blogs on Facebook. Now I see you can gets dat upper hand wifs Bear Cat... Well I named Ellie May but I nots good at getting along with furboys. You do a much better job than me.... MOL
    - Katie Kat'z Ellie May (who had a bad reaction to Advantage and now is the cat from hell...sometimes)

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    Replies
    1. Boys are gross! I BARELY get along with Bear ;) ~Ellie Mae

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  15. Bear looks so innocent sleeping in that first picture, but it's obvious he's dreaming about very nasty goings-on ;)

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  16. OMC I LOVE that last photo and the one with Bear sprawled out on his back. I think Cody should be grateful that he only has a woofie brother and not a sister! LOL! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. Momma's got some great pictures of the two of us recently ... they make her happy!

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  17. Oh, your poor Mama. You two must wear her out! xoxo

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    Replies
    1. We ***ALMOST*** feel sorry for her ;) ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  18. Bear, you have to admit...there's never a dull moment at your house since Ellie Mae joined the family. :)

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    Replies
    1. We ***ALMOST*** feel sorry for Momma ;) ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  19. Nothing like a playful game of smackypaw!

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. We've had a lot of practice! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae

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  20. Okay, thanks alot. I'm a Tortie, and a little on the large side, and dad's reading this made him come out with a stupid, idiotic, dumb-assed joke about me jumping out of a crab cake that I'm not going to share.

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    Replies
    1. You're purr-fect just the way you are Miss Cleo. You're a tortie - what else could you be but purrfect? The human male around here always makes stupid jokes too ... especially about how fat I am. HMPH. ~Bear Cat

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  21. Oh, Bear, even your dreams are funny if not just a little tawdry. :)

    In some of those pictures you two do look like you have fun together. Just sayin'.

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    Replies
    1. Hmph. FUN?!? That's NOT the word I would use! ~Bear Cat

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  22. Oh my...lots of 'excitement' around your house you two. Perhaps one of these days you guys will play like you really do like one another. Hope springs eternal, right?

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  23. Yes, a stand off is definitely preferable to all that squabbling!! We're on Momma Kat's side for this one! :)

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  24. It seems like your nightly occurrence is actually kind of, ahem, fun, Bear and Ellie!

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  25. You know, Bear, if you agree to disagree on everything you could save a whole lot of hassle and have more nap time. Maybe draw up a rota as to who has what, too. The dweebles could have half the house and the non dweebles the other. You'll need two of everything else, bedrooms and cat trees... oh and four feed bowls so you can pinch out of each others on your own side MOL
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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  26. You two are too much. Bear, ifin she's a daddy's girl, she's gonna always get him to take her side. 'Member when he furst came to live there and you thought he was trouble? Well, he's just purroved how much trouble he is. MOL Ya' gotta suck up to your mommy so she'll take your side. After all, it was your house and her house furst. Me keeps tellin' Raena da same thing. Just be sure your mommy doesn't see you start anythin'. She can see ya' defend yourself or end somethin', just no startin' it. MOL Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. The first couple weeks were tough ... my Momma thought I started EVERYTHING! Slowly, she picked up on the small stuff Ellie does - like playing with my tail. To be fair, when I was a kitten and Kitty was alive, I started all our fights - so I can't be surprised she suspected me first this time! ~Bear Cat

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  27. That is quite the routine :) I am glad you really do like each other.

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  28. Oh my stars! You two look adorable, and we just LOVE that last photo!

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    Replies
    1. So does Momma ... she's getting that one printed and hung!

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