Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Forking Bear, part 2

If you missed Friday's post, Forking Bear: Ellie introduced her fort, some forking occurred, and plenty more nonsense as only Bear and Ellie can do!

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: I forgot something super important on my fort!!! 

MK: "No boys allowed." Great. You know what's going to happen when Bear sees that. He's going to be obnoxious until you let him in.
EM: Boys are stupid. No brains ... but they use blunt force to get their ways. He'll probably attack a facial tissue box or something. I don't really care, as long as he leaves my fort alone!
MK: You don't want to let ANY boys in your fort?
EM: Well, at the very least, no BROTHERS! They're obnoxious and smelly and like to boss people and cats around! I have my eye on a couple handsome boys ... they're welcome ... but not stupid Bear!
BC: {from the other room} Hmph. Since I'm not stupid, you're not talking about me. Must be some OTHER Bear.
EM: My fort is off limits for you.
BC: If I'm not allowed in your fort, you're not allowed in mine!
EM: You don't HAVE a for ...
BC: Just rub it in, why don't you? Just wait ...
{Half hour passes while Ellie naps and Bear works}
{Ellie wakes up and looks around}
EM: {GASP} Where did THAT come from? It's my dream come true!
{Pause}
EM: {walking around the front of the castle} Is it mine?!? Of course, I'd want to do a bit of decorating ... maybe change the flags ... no skulls and crossbones wearing dunce caps ...
BC: {from the other room} IT'S NOT A DUNCE CAP! IT'S A TIARA!
EM: That's stupid. Those are gonna have to go.
BC: {driving his tank up to his castle} Get away from MY castle. And what are you calling stupid?
EM: I should've known!
BC: Who's laughing now, Chuckles?!?
EM: UNBELIEVABLE!
BC: No loitering in front of my castle! But in case you haven't noticed ... MY castle is bigger than YOUR fort! My castle could eat your fort for breakfast!
EM: I'm tired of you trying to outdo me in everything! You must be compensating for something ... I get a fort ... so you get a huge castle?!?
BC: Phht. Not TRYING. I'm succeeding! It's not my fault it's so easy to beat you! You're a GIRL.
EM: Girls can do everything boys can, we're just smart enough not to.
MK: Ellie's got a point.
BC: Whoop de do! ONE point. I have TWENTY-TWO points and you don't hear me walking around bragging about them! I suppose if you only have one, you should be really proud of it, but ... even a broken clock is right four times a day.
EM: Four?
BC: What? Is that too high for you to count? Four is right after three, and right before five.
MK: Bear ...
BC: Would you like to meet my little friends?
MK: Umm ... NO. Put those away. I'm well-acquainted with them already!
BC: FINE! But don't say I never give you anything! Sometimes love hurts ...
EM: You can say THAT again!
BC: Sometimes love ... 
{Pause}
BC: Oh. You didn't mean that I could ACTUALLY say it again ... oh, never mind! What fun would life be without biting?! What would be the point?
EM: Loving our humans! 
BC: You WOULD say that!
EM: They love us and feed us and play with us ... not to mention, we have a home and full bellies.
BC: Full bellies?!? Did you empty both of our food bowls again?EM: {BURP} Ummm ... NO?!?!
BC: Sheesh. It's a good thing I have this tank ... because you're definitely as big as one!
EM: Fork YOU!
MK: NO! No more forking! It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
BC: Spooning? Those aren't sharp!
EM: Do you know what spooning means, doofus? You always say stuff like that and don't even know what the word really means!
BC: Phht. Do I know what spooning means? I'm not STUPID. That's what Momma does when she puts our wet food treat on our plates! She uses a spoon ... and spoons it on our plates. SPOONING. Then again ... stabbing you with a spoon would be even more painful than a forking ...
MK: Let's just leave the kitchen utensils in the kitchen! It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
BC: Why do people keep saying that?!? First, you. Then a bunch of comments on our last post said the same thing! Is there some messed up stupid people - ruin a cat's fun - Mom code? You just don't want us to have fun?! You want to ruin our fun.
MK: You two are ridiculous ... and even worse with an audience. I should ground you both from blogging. It just encourages you.
BC: ENCOURAGE US!! ENCOURAGE US!!!!
MK: I got in trouble for "letting" you two have forks!
BC: Technically, you didn't LET us have forks; that's kind of a misnomer. We took them and did what we wanted. But if you want to feign control over us that you'll never have ... PHHT ... like we WAIT until YOU say we can do something. I think NOT! We're not dogs!
MK: Don't remind me. Instead, I get cantankerous, ornery, moody, aggressive, defiant, indignant ...
BC: You forgot, "sophisticated!"
EM: I think you meant "sophistiCATed." No wait ... you're a boy ... you're sophisti-NASTY-CATed.

BC: Shut up, Smellie! 
EM: You're such a ray of sunshine.
BC: All in a fourteen pound furry, purr-y package! What a deal!  
EM: Speak for yourself. I don't weigh that much.
BC: Says the cat that empties both food bowls on a regular basis.
EM: I don't REALLY do that!
{Pause}
EM: Err ... much.
BC: Besides, my furry fury is responsible for much of my weight.
EM: If by "much," you mean one-tenth of an ounce.
BC: HEY! My claws and fangs are PLENTY big to keep a stupid sister in line!
EM: HEY!
BC: Even a TANK of a sister like you.
EM: Says the cat in the ACTUAL tank!
BC: I'm just making it fair.
EM: You wouldn't know FAIR if it crawled up your butt and died.
BC: Oh, YEAH?!?! Well, you wouldn't know a ... umm ... hmmm ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I hate all of you!
EM: I hate you too!
BC: You have some nerve saying that to me when I'm behind the wheel of my tank!
EM: A tank doesn't have a steering wheel, stupid! Well, not in the traditional sense.
BC: You think you know everything! If this isn't a steering wheel, then ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! That was the switch for the windshield wipers.

{Pause}
EM: Tanks don't have windshields, doofus!!!
BC: What does this ...
{BANG!}

BC: RATS! That's not good ...
{!!!CRASH!!!}

EM: {snickering} At least your aim with a tank isn't any more accurate than your aim when you barf. 
BC: LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
EM: MOMMA! Come check this out!!! Bear blew up his own castle! MORON!
BC: MY SISTER IS NEXT!
EM: Talk about karma!
BC: What about her?! It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs.
EM: I didn't even need a fork! You forked yourself!
BC: Shut up. You mention this happened again and you'll regret it.

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48 comments:

  1. MeOW Bear, that was a really cool castle. We wish we had one. We luv your fort too Ellie. We don't have either, so we think ya'll are purretty lucky. Ya' know, ifin ya'll could manage to get along, you could combine your ideas and make somethin' even greater. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll share my castle with you ladies! Though the one tower is closed for renovations! ~Bear Cat

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  2. That castle is fit for a King and King Bear sounds great. Whatch think Ellie? Hey, congrats on the cool nomination!

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  3. I hope you had tank and castle insurance Bear. Because, tank and castle parts are special order items, they'll be a little more expensive. Congratulations on your BlogPaws nomination.

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  4. We think you each need your own fort!

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    Replies
    1. I need TWO forts ... and Ellie has none! ~Bear Cat

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  5. CONCATS!! Momma Kat, Bear & Ellie for being chosen a BlogPaws Nose-to-Nose Awards Finalist for 2018! I'm super excited fur you! XOXO -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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  6. dood....sorree but eye gotta laffz coz ya did just blow de be jezuz outta
    de top turret ~~~~~~~ ☺☺♥♥ tuna

    ellie....if you've got the time, I've got a way for you to buy a whole
    COUNTRY; let's see your brother out do THAT !!!!! hugs from dai$y =^..*=
    ...call me when he takes his nap ~~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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  7. Oh my..."You must be compensating for something"? Snort!
    Congratulations on your BlogPaws nomination, it's well deserved.
    xxoo
    Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red

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  8. OMCs Bear and Ellie Mae you have created a magical Cat-dom!! WOW we love the graphics.
    Bear of course you can be my roadie. There will be more to come on our band post
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Momma's on a picture modifying kick!

      Delete
  9. "... Smart enough not to". Girlfriend, you totally sprung the mousetrap on that! Brilliant!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! And even more ... I'm RIGHT! ~Ellie Mae

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  10. Oh, Bear....WHOOPS. WE won't tell anyone...especially not any Torties. ;)

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  11. Well Bear's castle was pretty spectacular . . . but we know Ellie Mae's would be even better if she really wanted it to be and she wouldn't blow it up! ;p luv, Malou, Wilhelmina and Avalon = girl power!

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    Replies
    1. Girls rule! We just choose not to fault it! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  12. Oh no, Bear! Hopefully, you'll be able to get your castle repaired soon.

    Ellie, MOL! It's so true that we're smart enough to not do all the stupid things boys do (sorry, Bear!)!

    Congrats on being a Nose to Nose finalist!

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  13. AMARULA: Bear I love your castle and love that you make an allowance for torties--but I have one very very small favor to ask - could I please wear that crown?! It looks marvelous and my human won't let me have one!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?! She won't let you have a crown?!?! What's WRONG with people?! Maybe she's afraid you'll whack Zulu and Frodo over the head with it?! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Bear, that is one fine castle you have there, pretty impressive stuff. I hopes you have the staff and maintenance costs sorted as they are a real burden, even with double glazing ! If you want I can send Mrs H to fly in and give your staff a few pointers, beat them into shape with her broom, as it were. I have found a second and third and fourth job essential to keep the place going...... Of course once you got them sorted for MK TB and EM you can rest easy MOL
    Toodle pips
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They don't tell you any of that when you buy a castle! SHEESH! ~Bear Cat

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  15. When will you learn, Bear? Fighting never solves anything.

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    Replies
    1. Except for destroying a Male Princess' castle! ~Bear Cat

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  16. Wow, Bear. You have some impressive castle-building skills! Kudos to you and your 22 points! You earned them! And a big congrats to your Momma on her N2N nomination!!! Er, I mean, is it your nomination? Congrats to you both!

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  17. Lexy wants a castle.. AND a crown! I'll never be able to live with her if she gets them.

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  18. guys...we came bak bye ta say we iz BUZZED happee for ewe on yur 2018 nose to nose
    nominationz......best fishez, 984 pawz crossed, hope ya bringz home a trofee & all
    de best next month ! ☺☺♥♥

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  19. Around here, Bear, Da Boyz go into their box, and wrestle around enough to make the lid close on them. So they just sit inside. Cracks us up!

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  20. Penny is glad to know she is welcome :) Congrats on your well-deserved nose to nose nomination. XO

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  21. Oh my MOUSES that was funny! Um... 'Cept for the bit 'bout your messin' up your castle and stuff, OF COURSE, but still... Oh, who am I kiddin'? BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That was a super funny post, for sure. PURRS.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, yes ... I admit ... it was unfortunate and slightly funny! {sigh} SISTERS! ~Bear Cat

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  22. Meowza, nice castles. We need to have a talk with hour humans! The Tribe of Five took a vote as to which castle was the best. Bear Cat, you won by one vote (of course there are three boys in the Tribe and only two girls). Ellie Mae, Jasmine and Lily liked your fort very much and they say the only thing missing is a silk pillow, a crystal cat bowl and a nice tiara!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    The Tribe of Five

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately for Bear, his castle's now missing a little more than a silk pillow, crystal cat bowl and a nice tiara ;) BOYS! ~Ellie Mae

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  23. That's an amazing castle, Bear ! Concatulations for being nominated for the Nose-to-Nose Awards ! Purrs

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  24. Ha! Gotta watch where you point that thing, Bear :)

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