Friday, March 9, 2018

Canasta la vista!

The Boy: Momma's fiance
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

The Boy: We got another package!?!? Please tell me it's not more cat stuff!
BC: Did you say .... CAT STUFF?!?! Too much cat stuff. Phht. No such thing. What's in the package, Momma? Tasty whole chickens?! Tuna treats?! A cat hammock? 
The Boy: Cat hammock?! Is that a euphemism for something? You know, a banana hammock is a ...
BC: Leave my phemism out of this! What's wrong with you? Insinuating we have too much cat stuff?!? Insulting my phemism ... you, sir, should be ashamed of yourself.
The Boy: Oh, for ...
BC: Maybe it's a CAT blaster machine?
MK: A who-a what-a?
BC: That machine that uses x-rays to zap cross-sections of cat.
MK: A CAT scan?!
BC: Yeah. Whatever. That thing you use to murder cats.
MK: It's not just for cats. 
BC: Well, color me pink! I can zap The Boy AND Ellie!
MK: Bear, it doesn't zap or kill things with x-rays - it creates many pictures of the body.
BC: {ignoring Momma completely} Because I've had just about enough of Smellie! ELLIE!!!! I have a PRESENT for you! Canasta la vista!
MK: Canasta?!? You mean, "hasta" ...
{The sound of an engine revs up}
BC: What the?!?! Kids these days! Those stupid kids are always out there making noise! Trying to scare a cute, little kitty cat ...
{Pause as he sees Ellie drive into the room}

BC: {GASP} WHAT THE &!^$!!! That's MY spaceship!
EM: Not anymore.
BC: I can't believe ... of all the ... WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!?! She's even got a racing stripe!
EM: You have a racing stripe down your back!
BC: Yeah! But YOURS is lavendar! And I EARNED my stripe! You have the Princess Bazooka on your sports-car too!!! I want a ride! I want a ride!
EM: No.
BC: Momma!!!! Ellie turned my spaceship into a sports-car and she won't let me take a ride in it!
MK: Bear, you pimped out the ride various different ways for two weeks. It's Ellie's turn.

BC: Why would Smellie get a turn? It's MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!! I want a ... I didn't think of ... IT'S UNFAIR!!!
{Momma opens the package}

BC: {sticking his nose in the envelope as Momma pulls out the contents} OOOH! Is that for me?!? Are there tasty whole chicken in there?!
MK: LOOK! A koala!

BC: Tasty whole koala? I've never had koala before.
MK: No ...
BC: Does koala taste like chicken?! Because that would be ...
MK: BEAR! It's not that kind of koala!
BC: Well, EXCUSE ME if I don't understand the difference between the food and non-food designation of another country's native species!
EM: Koala?! YUM!

BC: HEY! Back away! The tasty whole koala is mine!

MK: NO! It's a stuffed koala!
BC: WHAT!!?!? They took all the good stuff out of the koala before they sent it to us?!? How rude!

MK: Let's see what else ... 

BC: Hey there, Gorgeous Gingerness!
MK: Look at the view in that picture!
BC: Takes my breath away!
MK: Me too.
BC: I'm not sharing.
MK: The picture?
BC: The cat!
MK: I was talking about the scenic shot!
BC: So am I!
MK: NO! The scene of Sydney!
BC: Her name is MOOSHKA, not SYDNEY!

BC: Now if you don't mind ... it's time to have a moment with Her Gorgeous Gingerness!
The Boy: Look at that! He's TOTALLY checking her out! 
MK: You have to admit ... he has good taste.
EM: Well, except when he licks my butt.
The Boy: He's IN LOVE with Mooshka!
BC: I'm reading the articles!

The Boy: There aren't any articles, Bear. Just pictures.
BC: A HUMAN would think that. When you're a cat, reading the articles means sniffing things out thoroughly.
EM: It looks like you're rubbing noses with her pic ...

BC: SHHH!!! Can't you see we're having a moment?
EM: Bear and Mooshka, sitting in a tree ... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

EM: Not really. A cat is a ...
EM: Hubba hubba!

BC: HEY! Watch what you say! Mooshka's a lady! I know you wouldn't understand what that means ... but have some respect!
MK: Treats! {looking at the package} Kangaroo treats.
BC: I've heard of a kangaroo court ... but kangaroo ... {sniffing something new} wait a ... did you say ... TREATS?!?!

MK: Mooshka and her Mom sent you a couple bags of treats!
BC: Oh, great! The garbage disposal just showed up! Back off! The treats are from my friend ... they're mine!

MK: Bear, it says you're supposed to share with Ellie.
MK: Bear, you hardly ever eat any exotic meats. 
BC: Phht. Cats are obligate carnivores ... we're not going to eat ex-meat.
MK: No. EXOTIC ... oh, never mind. I was just getting at that you might not like these.
{Momma dumps out a few treats for each cat ... they eat them happily}

The Boy: Look at that! He's inhaling them!
BC: {stopping for a minute} I'll have you know that I don't inhale!
The Boy: It's just a saying!
BC: I don't care if it's a verb! It's not accurate!
{Bear goes back to the treats and finishes them}

The Boy: As if the two of you aren't fat enough!
BC: Get him, Momma!
The Boy: WHAT!? WHY?!?
BC: Are you going to let him call you and Ellie fat?

The Boy: That's not what I ...
BC: {ignoring The Boy} These are pretty cool presents! THANK YOU, MOOSHKA AND MOM!!!

MK: You and Ellie are VERY lucky kitties!
BC: Whatever. Mooshka's all kinds of hot!
EM: But she's not a tortie!
BC: Did I ask you?
EM: Not really.
BC: Then SHUT UP!!

EM: Don't tell me to shut up! I'll show you ...
BC: Phht. What are you going to do, sit on me?
EM: Don't tempt me!
BC: That's it! I've had enough ...

EM: Gas?!
BC: Won't help you.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: You think you can derail my plans with the threat of gassing me. Otherwise known as farting in my face. AGAIN.
EM: Maybe if you stopped licking my butt, you wouldn't be in the vicinity when I have to ... err ... 
BC: You make it sound like licking butts is a symptom of degeneracy. Might I remind you that our mothers licked OUR butts.
EM: Leave my mother out of this.
BC: Can't you see I'm busy?
EM: No. You're just sitting there.
BC: EXACTLY! I'm getting ready to rumble!
EM: Have gas again?
BC: What?
EM: Do you have gas again?
BC: No, I don't have ...
EM: Got a little rumbly in the tumbly?
BC: No. I don't have gas! Take a hint from your name: Smellie Neigh!
EM: Then why are you ready to rumble? Gonna barf? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Bear's about to blow!!!
BC: You act like all I do is fart and barf!
EM: Well ... I guess to be completely fair, you also poop, sleep, and bite.
BC: I'm taking on the world.
EM: Huh?
BC: The world has it coming.
EM: I'm going to regret this ... but why does the world have it coming?
BC: Just today, my spaceship was stolen and misappropriated. Then I had to share MY present with YOU. And that's just TODAY! If we're talking every other day ... I'm devoid of a tasty whole chicken farm, I'm bazooka-less, everyone is mean to me, I have to put up with you and The Boy, I don't get unlimited wet food, my torties and lady gingers live far away, I can't figure out for the life of me what kind of baker makes a crab cake ... I don't have a tasty whole chicken farm ...

EM: You already said that!
BC: That's how traumatic it is!
EM: Maybe you should've said, "Get ready to grumble!" Hahahaha.
BC: That's fine! Just brutally mock my pain! I dare you to walk a mile on my paws!
EM: You're a pain to everyone else! If you're not biting, you're being all grumpy.
BC: Whatever.
BC: {under his breath} I'm NOT grumpy! That's just what I was talking about!  LIES!
EM: Get ready to MUMBLE! Holy cow! A lot of REAL words rhyme with "rumble!"
BC: Now if you'll excuse me ... Get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuumble!
EM: If it's you, it's probably more accurate to say, "Get ready to fumble!" Hahahahaha. Nothing turns out the way you plan.
BC: Shut up, Smellie!
EM: Bear Cat Kat - voted Most Likely to Bumble! You know, blunder ... stumble ... unsteady ...
BC: I have no idea WHAT you're talking about!
EM: Momma always says that you're like a train - speeding toward your goal without seeing that things won't end up as you plan. You just go full steam ahead and dismiss everything else. Instead, we end up with a Bear-sized hole in the wall.
BC: I'm REALLY tired of you mocking my weight! ESPECIALLY since you're even fatter than I am!

EM: Am not!
BC: Are too!
BC: Phht. Smellie Neigh - voted Most Likely to Dumb-le!
EM: That's not even a word! To make fun of me, you have to make up words!
BC: You're smelly.
EM: That's getting really old. 
BC: HEY! I'm the boss around here! Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest to be exact!
EM: No one ever claimed you're humble. The one thing Bear won't do? Get ready to be humble.
BC: I'll humble you! ARG!
EM: Get ready to tumble! 

{The cats wrestle around}
EM: I'm going to make you crumble!
{The cats continue to go at it}
BC: And Ellie stumbles! WOOT WOOT!

EM: NEVER! I won't let you ...
EM: I hate you MORE!
MK: {Seeing the cat fight} BEAR!

BC: WHAT?!? I'm just giving Ellie a hug!
EM: And you say I'LL sit on people! GET OFF ME! Or you'll be sorry!
BC: Who's laughing NOW, Dumb-le?!?!
EM: HMPH. I'm going to go sit in my sports-car. BOO-YAH!

BC: RATS! Why didn't I think of that?
EM: Phht. YOU?!? THINK?!?!
BC: If that bazooka wasn't pointing at me, you'd be in trouble.

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  1. That is a cool car, Ellie Mae! Looks like you got a fun package from Australia, Bear. It was nice of you to share with your sister, even if you didn't want to. :)

  2. What an awesome package to receive! And kangaroo snackers, interesting...glad you liked them!

    1. Momma had her doubts ... but yummy yummy in Bear's tummy!!! ~Bear Cat

  3. Dang, that tasty whole chicken looks a bit unusual to me Bear!

    1. It didn't taste like chicken either! ~Bear Cat

  4. Oooo.... Bear's got a special friend! Bear and Mooshka sitting in a, on the rug. K-I-S-S-I-N.... hmm, that won't rhyme. K-I-S-S-I-N-G a bug. No, that's just silly. We suck at rhyming. Guess that rap career isn't going to work out either. Yippee for faraway friends and for special packages! And for cat fights. Man, you look like you really had your teeth into Ellie there, Bear. (Hey! That rhymed!)

    1. No one could be worse at rhyming than my Momma! We're lucky to have such amazing friends!

  5. Having friends is good, especially when they send prezzies!

  6. My mate Frank, he's a kangaroo too, but he's from OZ and not Australia. I best tell him to close his eyes when he reads this. Bear, what happened to your passion for torties? Are they so last year, and ginger the new tortie?
    Toodle pips

    1. Both have their incredible merits, don't they?! But you know what they say about food being the way to a man's heart ... ~Bear Cat

  7. 1. No such thing as too much cat stuff. 2. Enjoy the new things! Always fun to get them. 3. BC, girls will also take over. The house, the cat trees, the moms and dads, and yes, the rides too.

  8. What a thoughtful package. You have some nice friends!

    Ellie, your sporty car is perfect for you!

  9. Fart and barf cracked our mom up. We're not really sure why. We don't know Mooshka, but boy were we surprised to see you mooning over a cat who is not a tortie. She does look quite pretty, however. Do all you tortie girlfriends know about her? XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer

    1. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!Though, if they didn't know before ... they know now! ~Bear Cat

  10. Ellie, we love your fancy car We also like that Mooshka, Bear. She is very pretty. You all have a wonderful week end.

  11. AMARULA: Bear!! I'm jealous! Just remember that Mooshka is not a tortie!!

    1. I could never forget that, Amarula! You have nothing to be jealous of ... torties rule! ~Bear Cat

  12. Ellie Mae, love your wheels! Wanna race? Thank you for reminding your brother that even though Mooshka is gorgeous, she's not a tortie! Fun package :) --Mudpie

  13. What cool cat stuff. It was very nice of your friend in Aussieland. Does the koala jump at you or just sit and judge you? hehe


    1. Err ... now that you mention it, he's more the strong silent type! ~Bear Cat

  14. Oooooh Ellie, that's a great lookin' ride. And it's purrple. That's our signature color. Why don't you come on by and take us fur a spin. We can innerduce ya' to some great toms that me knows from cat scouts. They'll luv you. All sleek and gawjus. And we'll help ya' work on your form fur rumblin' with Bear. We've never had kangaroo, but it sure does sound yummy. Enjoy. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    1. I'd love to give you two ladies a ride! ~Ellie Mae

  15. Whoa! You got a lot of girlfurrends, don't you Bear? You sure how Ellie pinned!

    Yeah, TW and Pop often feel inadequate around me!

  16. Now Bear...didn't anyone ever tell you sharing is caring? 😸 P.S. Your sister sure knows how to pimp out a ride!

  17. That was a great package to get from Oz! Did the kangaroo treats taste like chicken?

  18. Oh, Bear, did Ellie actually win that round?? At least you have your new ginger girlfriend to help console you(not to mention kangaroo treats)!

    1. NEVER! Ellie doesn't win anything except the award for most annoying! ~Bear Cat

  19. Wow, tasty whole kangaroo snacks? Were they delicious, Bear?

    Good job pimping your ride, Ellie. Vroom vroom!

    1. I'm hoppy to say that they were yummy! ~Bear Cat

  20. Ellie, I wanna ride I wanna ride I wanna ride in your sports car! It is a fine auto too! Bear must be worried that you'll do laps around his cat tree and race to the treats! Take caution, as he may be planning a counter move! Tee hee hee!

    1. You can ride in my car any time, V! ~Ellie Mae

  21. Good job on the decorating Ellie. And that was a very sweet gift your friend sent, she is a cutie.