Friday, October 27, 2017

The contest

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae


BC: aHEM!!!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: Ahem!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: Earth to useless SPACE CADET!

{Momma continues to work}
BC: Come IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNN, Space Cadet!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: HELLLLLLLLLOOOO! This is an insult! A TRAVESTY! This is ... err ... umm ... just plain wrong. I'm RIGHT HERE, Momma!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: Oh, I see how it is. This is some contest where we see how long you can ignore me. Well let me tell you ... I INVENTED this game!

{Momma continues to work}
BC: Things are about to get very messy! I'm about to break to some $#!+. 
{THUNK! as a glass hits the floor}
BC: Hahahahahahaha. Take THAT!
BC: RATS! It didn't break! Stupid carpet. {GASP} It's a CONSPIRACY! The glass is on HER side! There are CONSEQUENCES for disrespect! ALL GLASSES BEWARE .... THIS IS WAR!
{Momma continues to work as Bear jumps down from the table}
BC: She can't ignore this ... hahahahahaha.
{Pause}
BC: {ripping up the loveseat} This is what happens when you ignore THE BEAR CAT!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: WHAT?!?!?!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: MOMMA! I'm on the kitchen counter!
{Pause}
BC: And I'm NOT sorry!!!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: @#$% &^@%!!! The toaster is still unplugged. Sticking my paw in there always worked when it was plugged in! Hmmm ...
{Momma continues to work}
BC: Hehehehe. This is going to be GREAT!
{THUNK! as a plastic glass full of water hits the floor}
BC: Hahahahaha! The Boy's glass is ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP!} NOT broken! Stupid plastic glass! This REALLY sucks! The glasses are ORGANIZED.
{Momma continues to work}
BC: MommmmmmmmmmmMMA! I'm on top of the refrigerator!!! I'm about to poop up here!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: {mumbling to himself} I INVENTED this game of ignoring someone until MADE to pay attention. Can't believe this ... start a fight?
{Pause}
BC: What am I going to fight? That stupid Dustbuster got the best of me last time. The Boy doesn't trust me anymore. Hmmm ...
{Momma continues to work as Bear settles into Ellie's cat bed}
BC: Hahahahahahahaha. This is going to be EPIC! Ellie!!! ELLIE?!?!?! Come see this! Come see this!!!!!
EM: {walking into the room} What's so important ... {GASP} you're in MY bed again!
{Momma continues to work}
BC: Better tell Momma I'm about to beat you up!
EM: I didn't do anything to you!
BC: Make me move!
EM: No, thank you. I have plenty of other places to sleep around here. You're just in a bad mood and want to start a fight!
BC: You're in on the conspiracy too! Oh, hahahahaha. Everything in this house conspires to ignore Bear Cat. You'll all PAY! Ignore Bear Cat at your own peril. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!
{Bear jumps Ellie}
EM: HEY!!!! Leave me alone!
BC: {whispering to Ellie} Is Momma paying attention?
EM: NO! Stop biting me! 
EM: You're just a big jerk!
{Bear keeps biting Ellie}
BC: Is she paying attention to me now?!?!
EM: NO! 
{Pause}
EM: It's not MY fault Momma's ignoring you! LET ME GO!!!
BC: You're just a goody-goody two paws!
EM: Have you ever thought that if you're NICE and don't try to get attention, she might pay attention to you?!?!?
BC: Take it back!
EM: NO!
BC: TAKE IT BACK!
EM: NO!!!! You're just a huge jerk!
BC: {renewing his attack on Ellie} ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!

MK: BEAR CAT KAT!!!!!
BC: FINALLY!
{Pause}
BC: {seeing Momma's face} Uh oh. Don't blame me! You ignored me!
MK: You're a furry terrorist! When you don't get your way, you become obnoxious.
EM: "Become?!" Isn't he ALWAYS?!? And he's actually GOOD at it too! THAT doesn't happen very often.
BC: Shut up, Ell ...
MK: What was so important that you had to get my attention?
BC: What do you mean, "important?" I just wanted to tell you that I want to trick or treat this year, Momma!
MK: To trick or treat, you need to wear a costume.
BC: WHAT?!?! I don't think so. Bear doesn't wear costumes.
MK: That's the whole point!
BC: Being rewarded for pretending to be something one's not? Maybe I could SAY I'm a cat for Halloween. I bet I'd get tons of treats for my great costume. Or maybe I'd be a "mere cat." Get it?!?! Meerkat? 
MK: Maybe you can be the tasty whole chicken you mentioned the other day. And Ellie could be a goat! CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE SQUARED!!!
BC: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Does Ellie have to come too?!?!
MK: If you want to trick or treat, Ellie comes too. 
EM: What will you be, Momma?!?!
BC: A cuckoo!! Picture it!!
{Bear imagines what Momma would look like as cuckoo}

BC: Hahahahahahahaha. All we need is a clock for you to pop out of!
EM: That doesn't seem nice, Bear.
BC: Nice?!?! If Momma wants NICE, she'll grab YOU. I'm not NICE. I'm Bear Cat Kat!
EM: HEY! I ran away from The Boy yesterday when he tried to pet me!
MK: I was there! It was pretty cold!
BC: And then he came to pet me! 
EM: And you let him!
BC: I took that bullet for you! And you didn't even THANK me!
MK: {sigh} If we go trick or treating, you'll need to walk on a harness, Bear.
BC: You're just making that up so you don't have to take me trick or treating!
MK: Did I mention that people don't give out cat treats?! Or cans of tuna?!?
BC: WHAT?!?! What else would they give out?!? Human children must have no taste! That's discrimination! Who came up with these stupid rules?!?!?! I thought Halloween was an excuse to sit around and eat a bunch of candy. "I got the candy for the CHILDREN! I'm sure they won't miss a few pieces ... " "Or a few more ..." BOOM! Next thing you know, their butts are the size of yours and they go around cat-caking everything.
MK: Some people might ask you to do a trick.
BC: Do I LOOK like I work for my food?!?!

MK: Maybe come up with a few tricks just in case?
BC: I can knock a glass off a counter. I'm good at redecorating!
MK: "Redecorating" like you did earlier?!?! I'm pretty sure people wouldn't be amused with you ripping up carpet, shredding furniture, or chewing blinds. 
BC: Then why do so many people watch those, "Cats being jerks," videos? LIVE entertainment RIGHT in their living rooms!!! BADA-BING!
MK: Oh, brother.
BC: Hmmm ... while we're on the topic ... there's something else I want to tell you!
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: You said, "Oh, brother," and you visited your brother last weekend ... which reminds me that I want to tell you that you're not allowed to leave me with the Dweebles again!
MK: Why do I get the feeling that this is REALLY what you wanted to tell me? All this other nonsense about Halloween is obfuscation. 
BC: Am I that obvious?
MK: No. I just know you pretty well by now.
BC: Lot of good it does ME! You should've seen it! While you were gone, the two Dweebles just sat there and stared at each other DWEEBLING all over the place. They're not exactly rocket scientists!

MK: So I'm not allowed to leave you here with the Dweeb ... 
EM: HEY!
MK: {sigh} I mean The Boy and Ellie ... again? What about when I have to go to the grocery store?
BC: If that trip to the grocery store includes cans of wet food, cat treats, or tasty whole chickens, it's APPROVED. Hold a ...
{Pause}
BC: In the interest of full disclosure ... the cans of wet food must NOT be pate. That would be an UN-APPROVED absence. Yuck. Pate. Once yummy food, with the gravy removed, then it flies through the middle of an intense sword fight ... then steam-rolled and shoved in a can. Chickens are full of gravy! If they were meant to come without gravy, they would come without gravy!
EM: Ummm ... actually ...
BC: {sigh} Shut UP, Ellie! Chickens don't come out of their moms in pate-form!

EM: Are you really that stupid?!
BC: I'm not stupid ... YOU'RE stupid!
EM: You always complain about your teeth being brushed, your chin washed, and brushed. But you forbid Momma from leaving?!? That's like forbidding a break from all of that since she's the only one who does those things! Isn't it bad enough that I get my teeth brushed and I get brushed just because you have problems?
BC: She COULD just stop brushing our teeth, and clipping our claws, etc. when she is here!
EM: OH?!? Who wanted to have the eating contest? We couldn't have that if she was here!
BC: I have no idea what ...
EM: It was YOUR idea to go tummy to tummy on our kibble bowls. EAT! EAT! EAT! Remember that?!?! SCARF SCARF SCARF!!! 
BC: And who won?

EM: It doesn't count because YOU barfed it up within five minutes! The deal was who kept the most down overall.
BC: And then I ATE the barfed up kibble again.
MK: EWWWWWWWWWW! What HAPPENS at the food bowl, STAYS at the food ...
EM: But time was up! If I'd kept eating the entire time, I'd have eaten more during the time you ate, barfed, and re-ate the same bit!
MK: Okay. That's ENOUGH! Bear, you don't have to come up with all these stupid contests. When The Boy moved here, you made up all these barfing and peeing contests to challenge him to. Now you're challenging Ellie to contests. It's no contest, Bear. Nothing changes that you're my Bug. Nothing changes the last ten years we've spent together - the ways you saved my life - or all the ways you've transformed my life. I love you, Bug - and Ellie and The Boy don't change that.
BC: {LOUDLY} WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WOMAN?!?!
{Pause}
BC: Come closer!

{Pause}
BC: Closer!
{Pause}

BC: {whispering} I love you, Momma.

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38 comments:

  1. You all are having way tooooooo much fun!!
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'M having fun ... I wouldn't be so quick to assume the others are ;) ~Bear Cat

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  2. Some games are hard to ignore Bear, especially mind games. Tell the Mom the Dad appreciated her nice comments and maybe before too long, but is is a sad story.

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  3. Your mom is pretty good at the "how long can you ignore me" game, Bear. Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She's had A LOT of practice! She's ALMOST entirely given up ;) ~Bear Cat

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  4. You can't keep a momma away from her Bear, no matter what may come to pass.
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

    PS bear, think of the plastic tumblers as an upgrade, and way more fun as they can be batted around no end of times even when empty and you won't get hurt... or wet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of all the glasses I've knocked over, I've NEVER gotten wet ... just call it a "special talent." ;) ~Bear Cat

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  5. AMARULA: I love the "you can't ignore me game" too Bear!! I love knocking glasses off the table too but find the best solution can be to use her purse as a litter box! Now that always gets her attention!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. That's even better than Frodo in the potted plant! For some reason, my Momma feels sorry for yours! I mean, your Mom gets to see you ALL DAY!!! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Such a cute post. Everyone looked cute in their Halloween costumes. I think you won the game, Bear.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aw....Bear....we knew you were a softie deep down inside (and in secret)! ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know what you're talking about [mostly]. ;) ~Bear Cat

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  8. Bear, my Mommy never ignores me! I'm just too cute, I guess! MOL --Your favorite tortie

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    Replies
    1. Then how do you ever get away with stuff?!?!?! I'd be grounded for all my nine lives ... oh, now, wait ... I already am (and apparently I got caught more than I thought!!!! DO NOT follow my example, Mudpie!!!) ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear, The Hubby can ignore, but I am a pushover!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's how it works here too! Hehehehe. ~Bear Cat

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  10. Bear, the picture of you and Ellie as a tasty whole chicken and goat is so funny! I cracked up when you threatened to poop on top of the fridge. When all is said and done, you love your momma and that's the most important.

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    Replies
    1. I've never pooped outside my litter box ... but when Momma saw the picture, she chuckled because it kind of DOES look like I'm pooping! Just one more way I inspire my Momma! ~Bear Cat

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  11. Oohhh we hate being ignored. And what's up with organized glasses? Unbreakable glasses ?! No fair!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's NO respect! I'm telling you!!! ~Bear Cat

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  12. OMC this is one of your BEST ONES EVER!! I am dying laughing at those costumes!!!!! And..."pooping on top of the fridge?" Seriously? xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never pooped outside my litter box ... but when Momma saw the picture, she chuckled because it kind of DOES look like I'm pooping! Just one more way I inspire my Momma! She is ... err ... a bit SPECIAL ... and I can't take credit for that. She was crazy when I picked her up. ~Bear Cat
      Thank you. I've been in a funk recently thinking that I've lost my sense of humor - so your comment means so much - thank you.

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  13. Oh, my word. Bear! You are so blessed that your Mama loves you like that. You know it, too...don't you? xo

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    Replies
    1. How do I convince her to show her love for me in terms of tasty whole chickens?!?! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Oh Bear, that mom does love you. Love all the costumes. Have a great day.

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  15. "Mere Cat." I LOVE it! You're too funny, Bear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Momma can't remember where she found that meme ... but it's been well loved around here for quite awhile :) ~Bear Cat

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  16. Oh my, Momma held out for a really long time.... did she have ear plugs?
    She's smart and experienced to buy plastic drinking glasses.
    Mickey Mouser agrees about the pate issue!
    xxoo

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    Replies
    1. She's had A LOT of practice! She's ALMOST entirely given up ;) ~Bear Cat

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  17. You wouldn't poop on the fridge, would you? Great costumes, especially the boy :) Happy Halloween!

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    Replies
    1. No ... squatting and pretending is good enough! ~Bear Cat

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  18. Yep Bear, seems no matter what else is goin' on in their lives our mommy's will always luv us bestest. Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  19. So Bear, did your momma end up taking you for tricks and treats and were you made to wear a costume? I was just thinking the other day that All Hallows Eve should be a time when humans go tricks-or-treating for kitty treats & they should dress up like us and take us with. But we, of course, would go as our wonderful selves. What do you think about that idea? That way, we kitties would have an endless supply of treats that would last until the next year's All Hallows Eve! We could even have our humans hold up a sign that says what kind of treats we want. Like your momma's sign could say "Bear Wants Tasty Whole Chickens." Tee hee hee.

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    Replies
    1. All that walking?!? Only if my Momma would carry me! But you're right ... when you look like the humans, costumes are a relief! ;)

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