Friday, October 13, 2017

Cuckoo voodoo

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae


BC: Momma? I have a great idea!
MK: {not looking up from her work} No.
BC: What do you mean?

MK: Whatever "great" idea you have ... NOT gonna happen.
BC: But you don't even know what I'm think ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} Locks and dams! Your cuckoo voodoo doodoo powers are increasing!
MK: My doodoodoo who what?
BC: You can see what I'm doing even when you're at the other end of the house! You see through all my tricks. And now you can read my mind. 
MK: What?! Maybe I just know you?!
BC: I need tin foil! And a helmet! 
MK: {sigh} To prevent me from reading your mind?
BC: HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?! Stop reading my mind! OH! And I need a tasty whole chicken!

MK: A tasty whole chicken has nothing to do with mind reading. You just want a tasty whole chicken and will use any excuse to get one.
BC: This is spooky! You know everything I'm thinking!!!
{Pause}
BC: Oh! Oh! Let's play a game!!! Guess what I'm thinking! Guess what I'm thinking!
MK: Your "great ideas" usually get you in trouble.
BC: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA. Do it again! Hold on ... I'm thinking ... GUESS!
MK: Don't hurt yourself.
BC: Nooooo. You can REALLY read my mind!!! I was just thinking that I should be careful, because if I think too much, my brain might explode. Act first ... look cute later ...

MK: That explains a lot.
BC: So just when did these powers start?!?
MK: Afraid I know about your x-rated tortie and ginger girl dreams?!?!
BC: RATS! HOW?!?! How do you know any of this?!?! You made a deal with the vet!

MK: Why would I make a deal with the vet?
BC: You sold your soul to the devil for these powers!
MK: The vet isn't the devil, Bear.
BC: Hmph. Could've fooled me! He takes my poop and my blood ... and that one time, he even stole my fur! If he's not the devil, he's definitely a witch.
MK: Bear ...
BC: THAT'S HOW!!!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: The vet collecting my poop, my blood, and my fur was all part of a spell he did so you could read my mind! 
MK: Could this conversation get any weirder?
BC: Do you have any goat skeletons in your closet?

MK: Whoomp! There it is.
BC: Where?! What?!?!
MK: Our conversation just got weirder.
BC: Phht. You're the one reading MY mind! It doesn't get weirder than that!
MK: You've got a point. What goes on in your mind is ... err ... special.
BC: Back to my idea.
MK: Please don't.
BC: Halloween is coming ... and we both know Ellie's meows sound like goat bleats. I'm thinking she could be a goat for Halloween!
MK: {visualizing what this might look like} Hmmm ... that'd be pretty adorable.

BC: HEY! I'M adorable too!!! What about me?
MK: You want to be a tasty whole chicken.
{Pause}
MK: {visualizing what this might look like} Hahahahahaha!!! PRICELESS!!!

BC: STOP IT!!! 
MK: Stop what?!?!
BC: READING MY MIND!!! I'm putting tape up all around my brain and sealing it off from your interference!
MK: {trying not to laugh} 'Crime scene?!?!' Oddly appropriate.
BC: Why are you laughing? You're STEALING my thoughts! That's a crime!!!
The Boy: {from the other room} Crime scene because someone stole his brain!!! Probably shortly after he was born ...
MK {sigh} You are what you eat, right? 
BC: You're a doughnut? A pizza? Hahahahahaha.
MK: This from you ... the sicko who licks Ellie's butt. Does that make you poop? 
BC: I DON'T lick Ellie's butt! Err ... I mean, I don't actually EAT it.
MK: The cat world equivalent of not inhaling. But no, I was talking about how if you are what you eat, you being a chicken for Halloween makes sense.
EM: {coming into the room} Hiding under the bed every time the doorbell rings makes you a chicken!

BC: Hahahahaha. Laugh it up. Your meow sounds like a goat. You should be a goat for Halloween. 
EM: Whatever. 
BC: Baaaahhhh! Baaaahhhh!
MK: BEAR! SHH!!! You know The Boy gets upset when we say Ellie's meows sound like bleats.
EM: My Daddy's a gentleman protecting the innocent and downtrodden. 
BC: I thought you were talking about how he defends you. There's nothing innocent ...
EM: Oh, SHUT UP, Bear!
BC: Momma was laughing so hard the other night, I thought you'd have to give her CPR.
EM: Considering she was laughing at MY Daddy ... nope. That would've been YOUR job.
BC: Yuck. I guess it's good she finally managed to breathe.
MK: Hey! It's not my fault! I just mentioned my observation that Ellie's meow sounds like a bleat ... and The Boy argued with me and then imitated her meow which sounded EXACTLY like a bleat. His imitation of her sounded even more like a bleat than she does! At first, I thought he did it on purpose. But then it hit me that he was truly imitating her and not realizing that he'd proved my point.
EM: You two are being mean to me! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDY! Momma and Bear are calling me a goat!!!
BC: Sissy! You need to call your Daddy to make us stop!
EM: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDY! 
BC: MOMMA! Make her shut up!
EM: Now who's the sissy?!?
BC: Hey! My Momma could beat up your Daddy!
EM: I'm sure he's quaking in his boots!
BC: No. That's just his gas.
EM: My Daddy doesn't have gas! YOUR Daddy has gas!
{Bear just stares at Ellie}

MK: Sounded better in your head?
BC: {whispering to Ellie} She can read our minds. Whatever you do ... DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT WE DID LAST NIGHT!!!
EM: What we ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP THINKING!
EM: Then I might as well be you. What's your MO? {mockingly} "Act first ... look cute later?"
BC: Funny. REALLY funny. I'm telling you ... Momma can read our minds! She's got some cuckoo voodoo doodoo going on! Her cuckoo's finally come to roost!
EM: I don't believe you.
BC: Her reading your mind is how she knew you were thinking that your comment sounded better in your head.
EM: That's not what I was thinking.
BC: HUH?!?!
EM: Phht. Only the weak-minded are gullible enough to have their minds read.
BC: Are you saying I'm weak-minded?!? 
EM: Yes.
BC: Oh. Hmmm ...
{Pause}
BC: {straightening up indignantly} I'll have you know my mind could beat up your mind ...
MK: That's enough, you two. I can't read either of your minds! 
EM: TOLD YOU!
BC: Do you know what I'm thinking now?
EM: That you're the village idiot?!
BC: I didn't ask you, Ellie Goat!
MK: I don't know ... what are you thinking, Bear?
BC: I want some loving, Momma. I love you, Momma. 
MK: I love you too, Love Bug.
EM: BARF. I love my Daddy.
BC: {ignoring Ellie} So you can't read my mind?
MK: Not yet.
BC: PHEW! How did you know my idea was a bad one then?

MK: Let's go over a VERY BRIEF history of your ideas ... wanting to be called a cat rapper - which you thought should be shortened to crapper ...
BC: In my defense, the tagline, "I drop more than beats" was GENIUS! The 'crapper' part was ... unfortunate.
MK: Hijacking a turkey truck ... blasting chickens out of a cannon ... using a bazooka to blow things up ... 
BC: You make it sound like those were BAD ideas! So you haven't seen my tortie/ginger fantasies?!?!
MK: Earlier, when you were napping, you said a few names.
BC: I didn't happen to say anything else, did I?

MK: You mean, did you mention anything related to what you did last night?!?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She's after me! She's after me! She can read my mind! She knows everything! I'm going to die! I'm going to ...
{Bear runs right into Momma's leg}
BC: OW.
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} YOU READ MY MIND TO FIND OUT WHERE I WAS RUNNING TO!!!
MK: Oh, brother.
EM: He's not very smart, is he?
MK: You read my mind, Ellie.
EM: Hahahahahahaha.
BC: What are you two laughing at?!?! Momma?!? Ellie?! WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!?!

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41 comments:

  1. Give it up, BC. All cat moms read minds, can't be stopped. PS: do NOT let her dress you up like a tasty chick-hen! The entire CB will be laughing at you. AND all the the tasty whole chick-hens.

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    Replies
    1. I was hoping I could convince the chickens I'm one of them ... winner winner chicken dinner! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Moms can read our minds....it's a Mom thing.

    The Florida Furkids

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  3. My Mom reads my mind too and everyone is right, it's a "Mom" "thang"...........I am cracking up about the goat costume!! MOL! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. It's so unfair - our Moms knowing everything puts a major crimp in our feline wiles! ~Bear Cat

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  4. Big bird that was hilarious
    Hugs madi your bfff

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    Replies
    1. Even The Boy couldn't resist saying I was adorable in that costume! ~Bear Cat

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  5. You just need to tap into 'The Force' that is within you & then you can read the minds of your momma, The Boy & Ellie! And you'll be able to locate all the whole chickens in the house & all the Torties in your fantasies & make them come right to you! Use the force Gingy Wan Bearobi! Use the force. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't want to know what goes through my Momma's mind! There's not enough mind bleach for that! UGH! Well, okay, it'd be fine if I could be selective ... like reading her mind about where she's hiding the treats! ~Bear Cat

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  6. Oh my, Halloween might be darn interesting at your place Bear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait until you see the idea we came up with for Momma!!! ~Bear Cat

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  7. I'd like you to wear all the costumes out and treat everyone.

    Shoko

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    Replies
    1. We'll stop by your house! We don't have a magic carpet yet, but we're working on it! ~Bear Cat

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  8. That's secret mom stuff... We don't know how it works, but it happens often that Claire reads our mind too. Purrs

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    Replies
    1. It's so unfair - our Moms knowing everything puts a major crimp in our feline wiles! ~Bear Cat

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  9. The 3rd and 4th photos of Bear show him actually smiling! I know, I know...but just look! That's a grin, if I ever saw one.
    Cats already know it all, since they are from outer space.

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    Replies
    1. He really hammed it up for that photo shoot! Usually he runs when the camera comes out ... but for some reason, he decided to work it - they're my favorite pictures of him!

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  10. Always entertaining you guys! How is it you manage to have so much fun? 😀

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    Replies
    1. My Momma says "fun" is just one way of describing it ;) ~Bear Cat

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  11. Good ending! Bear, love you with the crime tape on your head. It's not too hard for our humans to read our kitty minds. We only think about a few things. Please forgive our not visiting. It is the petretary's fault. She always finds things to do that are more important to her than us. Pffft! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No apologies necessary! We feel bad for not participating in Sunday Selfies anymore!
      ps - We doubt there's anything more important to the petretary than all of you!

      Delete
  12. This was good. I love the crime tape, but, really nothing will help. Moms know everything. It is what it is. Hugs.

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  13. Oh dear, Ellie, you shouldn't scoff at your brother so, remember he's been looking after your mom for much longer than you, and they probably do read each others mind, at a subconscious level of course MOL
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure I WANT to know what either of them are thinking about! ~Ellie Mae

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  14. Moms have magical powers, for sure! Like opening up our foods and dishing it out. Oh, wait, maybe that's just because they have opposable thumbs. "MC Crapper. I drop more than beats." BWHAHAHA!

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    Replies
    1. So many things sound better in my head! ~Bear Cat

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  15. I think Ellie would make an adorable goat :) And Bear, why don't you be COlonel Sanders than you can hold the tasty whole chicken :)

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    1. Even The Boy admitted Ellie Goat was adorable! Is this Col. Sanders a chicken whisperer?!? ~Bear Cat

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  16. Oh, Bear--the crime scene tape on your head is just too perfect. THAT should be your Halloween costume! :)

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  17. Bear, seriously dude this comment is gonna be short because we can't see the keyboard or screen as we're crying, yep crying with laughter!!!! MOL MOL Mew are one seriously hilarious man-cat... and this post is pawesomely epically epic!

    Huge hugs

    Basil & Co xox

    P.S. is it hopping time on caturday again?

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    Replies
    1. We love to hear that! Yes, the Showcase is happening this weekend ;)

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  18. Bear, Mudpie wants to know what you think she should be on Halloween?

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    Replies
    1. I'd suggest a sexy tortie ... but Mudpie's that every day of the year already! ~Bear Cat

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  19. Bwahahahahahaha! Oh, Bear! Where do you come up with this stuff?

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    Replies
    1. You wouldn't believe me if I told you! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Sounds to us like you're bein' picked on from all sides Bear. You're welcome to come and stay with us anytime ya' want. Our mommy does read minds, but she never lets on or tells anypawdy what we might've thought. Da only other option we can think of is dat we could come over and give everypawdy da ole whacky paw. MOL Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm ... the ole' Dezi and Raena whacky-paw ... that puts fear in my own heart! ;) ~Bear Cat

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  21. Moms have eyes on the back of their heads too, Bear. You're powerless to fight back. :)

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