Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Not the Momma's Day

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

MK: {walking into the room to find Bear in her desk chair} Bear! I need my desk chair.

BC: I need to play with my wand toy, Momma!

MK: I'm busy, Bear.
BC: But ... but ... I want to PLAY, Momma! I want to be ferocious and show mousie who's boss around here!
MK: Please move.
BC: Please play with me. We haven't played in FOREVER! I know! I counted! Mousie probably doesn't even recognize me anymore!
MK: Bear, we played five minutes ago. 
BC: EXACTLY! Five minutes is more than FOUR-EVER!
MK: If I don't start working on tomorrow's blog post, we won't have one.
BC: If I don't start playing with my mousie wand toy, my furry fury will get all clogged up and explode!
MK: Bear, your furry fury explodes all the time whether we play or not. And we played for over a half hour, Bear! 
BC: That was a long time ago!
MK: And The Boy played with you earlier today!
BC: He doesn't do it right!
MK: He watches me and does the same things.
BC: It's not the same, Momma!
{Pause}
BC: {in a fake Momma voice - sitting in Momma's desk chair} I'm the Momma! I'm mean and won't let my cute kitty cat play with his favorite toy. I love doughnuts more than I love my kitty cat. My butt is so big, it barely fits in my desk chair ... but I love to sit here and boss my cat around. I always get mad at him for hanging out on the kitchen counter. "NO!" is my favorite word. I wear the pants around here and never shut up! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

The Boy: {walking into the room} That's not a half bad impression. Though you forgot all the, "BEAR!!!"s.
BC: I thought that was obvious along with all the "No"s!

MK: I should leave the two of you alone again. You deserve each other.
BC: NO!
The Boy: Ugh. I still haven't forgiven you for last time.
BC: It's not my fault you don't appreciate my place in the power structure around here.
The Boy: You're a CAT! You don't HAVE a place in the power struc ...
BC: You should probably keep that pointy finger to yourself or you might lose it. It's not nice to point.
The Boy: It's not nice to bite!
BC: I'm Bear "THE JAWS" Cat. I'm not nice. HIIIIIIIIIII-YAH! 
The Boy: Oww!
BC: I told you. And I warned Momma that my furry fury was building up. POW!
The Boy: You need anger management skills.
BC: I need people to stop being stupid. NO! I need dumbnut management skills.
The Boy: You don't need any additional ideas on how to treat me. What you know now is more than sufficient.
BC: Thank you.
The Boy: That wasn't a compliment.
BC: Why aren't you wearing the shirt I got you for Not the Momma's Day?
The Boy: Don't you have anything better to do than insult me all the time?
MK: He did tell you, "Happy Not the Momma's Day," yesterday.
BC: WHAT?!?! You told her? What's wrong with you? You promised not to tell her I said that!
The Boy: Uh oh. Maybe you shouldn't always insult me!
{Silence}
BC: You don't appreciate me! You didn't appreciate when I moved around your work stuff for maximum efficiency.
The Boy: You moved it to get better access to your window.
BC: I'm misunderstood and not appreciated in my own home! If you'd played with me, that would've never happened!
The Boy: Don't you have anything better to do?
BC: No. Not really. Momma won't play with me either.
The Boy: You know where she hides the wand toy.
BC: Yes, but last time I got in trouble for pawing through the bags and ripping the wand toy out of the package while you two were gone. 

BC: Besides, I saw her wrap a second bag around the package before she put it back in the bag.
The Boy: And you let that stop you?
MK: Don't encourage him!
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me! NO! Get the wand toy out FOR me! 
The Boy: I have to get back to work.
BC: Momma?
MK: Bear, we'll play later, okay?
BC: NO! I want to play RIGHT NOW!
MK: Later.
BC: MoooooooooooooommmmmMMMA!!!
{Momma sits down to work and a few minutes later, she hears rustling in the bags holding the swag}
BC: {his head is stuck in the bag trying to paw his toy out} I almost ... just a little ...
{The doorbell rings and Bear pulls back out of the bag}
BC: Huuuuuh?!?!?!
{Pause}
{Bear finds himself caught in the handle of the extra bag Momma wrapped the wand toy in}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's eating me! It's eating me! I'm stuck in its giant jaws! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!
{The wand toy falls out of the bag}
BC: OOOOOOH! My wand toy!
{Pause}
BC: Get off me you stupid bag! LET ME GO! So help me ... if you don't release me from your jaws, you'll pay the price. I mean it!

{Momma giggles}
BC: I HEARD THAT! The bag is LAUGHING at me!!! It's MOCKING me in my distress!
MK: Maybe you should leave the bag alone next time?
BC: But my wand toy was in it!!! Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: I was tricked! It ate my wand toy and now it's after my fleshy tender loins. It used my wand toy as BAIT to attract me!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! MoooooooommmmmMMMA!!! HELP!!!!
MK: That's it. The wand toy is going in the pantry.
BC: Wait ... WHAT?!?!
MK: Bear, if you can't keep your paws to yourself and you're constantly being a pest trying to get the wand toy out ... to the point where you cause yourself to get caught up in the handles of the bag - that's not safe. What if I wasn't home to rescue you?
BC: Rescue me?!? RESCUE me? I think not.
MK: Then what would you call it?
BC: Extricating me from my misfortunes.
MK: You act like it's a random misfortune outside of your control. 
BC: THE BAG TRIED TO EAT ME and all you care about is the classification of the misfortune and whose fault it is!
MK: Now it's in the pantry for your protection.
BC: Phht. I don't need protection! YOU need protection. My wand toy needs protection!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! I want my toy! And I can't get it out of the closed pantry!

MK: Exactly.
BC: I'm not moving from this spot until you let me in!

BC: La de da ... de da ... la la la ... I'm on the wrong side of this stupid door! Let me in!!! Hmmm. Maybe I can open the door ...
{Bear tries to paw the door open}

BC: RATS! I'm not moving until this stupid door opens!!!
MK: Whatever you want.
{Bear stares at the outside of the closed door}

BC: I want the door to open!
MK: Tough.
BC: That's it! OPEN or ELSE!!! Don't make me break you down! 
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!
{THUNK!}
{Pause}
BC: Oww.
{Pause}
BC: That's IT! I'm really, REALLY mad now! Did you really have to punch me?
MK: Bear, the door didn't punch you ... it's hard.
BC: It can't be THAT hard ... you open it all the time!
MK: Oh, never mind. Bear, you have a ton of toys. Go find another toy to play with.
BC: But I want the wand toy!
MK: No.
BC: That word isn't in my vocabulary.
MK: Then I guess you're not smart enough to understand.
BC: HEY! My understanding isn't the problem! Your MEANNESS is the problem!

BC: I hate you!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: FINE! You'll pay for this.
{Ten minutes pass}
The Boy: BEAR!!!
BC: Hahahahaha.
The Boy: Bring my mouse back here! I have work to do!
BC: I'll trade you my mouse wand toy for your mouse.
MK: Don't you dare give into him!
The Boy: What's the big deal? 
MK: He's not allowed to play with wand toys without supervision and we're both working. 
BC: Correction ... YOU'RE working ... The Boy is just standing around and giving me dirty looks.
MK: Not to mention that if you give into his every whim ... he'll just get worse.
The Boy: He stole my mouse! I need to work!
MK: Bear! This isn't the way to get what you want.
BC: Sure it is. If you weren't here, I'd have my wand toy.
MK: I'm not a push-over.
BC: Not a push-over is a nice way of saying MEAN!
MK: Says the cat that stole someone else's toy because he couldn't play with the only toy he wants to play with.
{Bear sees his catnip banana}
BC: Ooooooooh! Nana!!! PREPARE TO DIE.
{Pause}
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

MK: He is kind of cute ...
The Boy: When he's sleeping!

Featured posts of the day:
  • Bear Cat discovers the wand toy in ... Bear Cat originals
  • Bear's obsession with the new wand toy (and pictures of him trying to dig it out of the swag bags sitting out) first appeared in ... I'm the sea mammal
  • Bear has a habit of not taking "No" for an answer when he wants to play. This isn't the first time he's gone whole hog on trying to free one of his toys from the pantry ... Sunday Selfie #35.
  • To read about how The Boy and Bear got along while Momma was at the Conference ... Not the {REAL} Momma.
  • To read about Momma's Conference experience ... Bear Cat originals.

38 comments:

  1. Your peeps hide your toys, too, Bear? We should stage a revolution! Rebel!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uhh.... We think the Boy would know better than to put his finger in your face, Bear-Shark cat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You've got it figured out Bear, when all else fail go for the fruit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only time my Momma's condoned me going bananas ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Gotta be careful with that bag, Bear. But who has bigger jaws? You or the bag?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yup, the nanner toy is almost as good as the wand toy. Good fight for it though. You would have had it if the bag hadn't grabbed you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. dood....we new de minit TB put hiz finger thiz kinda cloze two yur face
    ____________________________, he waz in trubull with a big time Z....
    oh, bye de way, power toolz...ya knead power toolz dood...noe door iz safe
    frum ...power toolz ~ ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know you have a prima facie case against that bag. After all those handles are clearly dangerous and could have done you harm if the wholly unwarranted attack had persisted. Could even be a Class Action. That bag could get ten years hard labour at a grocery store... On the other hand maybe it could plea bargain and offer up to you ten other toys as evidence and good will not to reoffend?
    Purrs, ERin
    PS Sounds like the boy have been brain washed by *hushed voice* the Metric Mice! Just saying they may be trying to take America from your very apartment. Keep me informed of any unusual activity, such as giving you treats and chickens!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Class action? I'm not sure we have much class around here ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. That was thoughtful of you to get a gift for The Boy for Not the Momma's Day. :) Very cool shirt.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Gotta watch those killer bag handles. Tricky...very tricky.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bear, your persistence is an inspiration to all of us. Only Lily Olivia has that kind of fortitude. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bear, the lady keeps our wand toys in a bag in the closet (we have the same toy as you). She's mean too! I've never had a bag come after me. I'm glad you escaped with your life.

    The boy pointed his finger at Jaws??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THE JAWS ;) But yes, he's stupid like that! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. I love it! Not the Momma day!! LOVE IT! AMARULA: And don't worry Bear, I know it's not you saying how cute Frodo and Zulu look -- but can you just give your mom a good bite for me? We can't let her get away with that kind of crazy talk!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll add a bite on to my normal allotment. Because of the doughnuts, she's got plenty of flesh just waiting to be bitten. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. You should visit our house, Bear. I bet we'd have lots of fun playing wand toy together! --Your favorite tortie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where do I sign up?!?!? I TOTALLY dug the pictures from your post yesterday! Even my Momma was looking at you like a centerfold! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. We don't get to play with our wand toys unsupervised either, Bear, because believe it or not...some girl cat around here has been known to eat them. Seriously. She ate the Neko Fly toy and had to go the vet as a result.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is EXACTLY why Bear's not allowed to have wand toys without supervision! This one's on a metal-like cord ... but if Bear's taught me anything, it's that I can't be too cautious!

      Delete
  15. Would you believe Mom Paula still hasn't taken all of our stuff out of the BlogPaws bags?

    We don't get to play with the wand toys unsupervised, either. We wish Mom Paula would play with us more than she does.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NO! I made my Momma let me in the bag as soon as she walked in the door! Uh uh. Not putting up with THAT at all!
      Maybe Mom Paula will have a little more time now that BlogPaws is over and she's retired? I know she loves both of you girls more than anything. I complain ... but I like that my Momma's home most of the time :) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  16. Oh, BC, you need to be nicer to Mama (and to Boy). You have it good there. Thankfully, our Dude is a sweet boy. Of course, all of us Girls dote on him. Even Dad hangs out fishin' with George. Dude stuff. HUGS to you & Mama.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being a ladies' man in my goal ... MOST of the time! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. If that bag eats you, Bear, definitely bite it from the inside. Bags hate that! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. They could have just told you the nanner toy was there all along, right, Bear Cat? They just make things harder on themselves!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be fair, I did step over Nana several times ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete