Monday, November 28, 2016

Don't rub it in!

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Don't rub it in!:
MK: Hi, Bear! I missed you so much!
BC: OOh! OUTSIDE! I LOVE outside!!
MK: Hey! I just got home after two days and all you care about is ...
BC: Oh, it's cold! My cute little butt is cold. I'm turning into a catsicle! I want to be inside!
{Bear runs inside}
MK: Let's try this again.
{Pause}
MK: 
{walking through the front door, again} Hi, Bear! I missed you so much!
BC: Eh. It's you.


MK: Who else would it be?
BC: A tasty whole chicken.
MK: How many tasty whole chickens have walked through our front door?
BC: There's a first time for everything.


MK: Wait! Where are you going? I missed you!
BC: Eh. It's time for my 6:27 groom and nap.
MK: But ...
BC: My litter box needs scooping.


MK: Well, okay ...
BC: And my food bowl is empty.
MK: Whenever I leave you for a day or two, I give you two bowls of food. Your regular bowl is overflowing still.
BC: My favorite food bowl is empty.
MK: The empty one isn't usually your food bowl!
BC: Rub it in, why don't you?
MK: Bear, whenever your regular bowl is in the dishwasher you refuse to eat food out of the bowl you now claim is your favorite.
BC: I lose track. So many empty bowls!
MK: You only have one food bowl, Bear.

BC: Rub it in, why don't you! I TOLD you you were starving me!
MK: Says the fourteen pound cat.
BC: Rub it in, why don't you?!?!? I should be a strapping twenty pound boy!
MK: {sigh} At twenty pounds, you'd be less strapping and more lumping.
BC: Just rub it in!
MK: STOP saying that! I'm not rubbing anything in!
BC: That's for sure!
MK: Wait, what?
BC: {flicking his tail and walking away} Can't touch this!
MK: What the ...
BC: Sheesh! It's ridiculous that humans are so challenged that I have to explain so you feel the burn! I meant that you don't get to rub anything in because you're not allowed to touch me!
MK: {following Bear} Awwww ... Bear!  You left me your toys as presents in my bed! You missed me!

BC: Were you repeatedly dropped on your head as a young child?
MK: I don't think so ...
BC: I didn't mean that LITERALLY ... I meant ... oh, never mind!
MK: Okay, then. I'll just leave you to your cantankerousness.
{Momma leaves the room to go to the kitchen to get something to drink}
BC: {sitting at the entrance to the kitchen} HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!
MK: Umm ... hi?
BC: You haven't fed me my wet food treat for three days! I'm hungry, Momma!
MK: I thought you weren't talking to me?
BC: Well, that was before you went to the kitchen! Did I mention I'm STARVING?
MK: Only about sixteen times.
BC: I'm STARVING! Seventeen.
MK: I didn't mean that LITERALLY, Bear.
BC: Yeah, MOCK me and see what "presents" you get next time you leave me.
MK: Let's see ... last week you barfed on me WHILE I was sleeping. And in the same overnight period, you left a HUGE smear of poop across the carpet ...
BC: Like YOUR poop doesn't stink! Or doesn't require wiping!
MK: Then I kept smelling poop after I cleaned that up ... and I found the poop nugget you kicked under the couch ...
BC: You're the one that always complains that I don't cover my business!
MK: IN THE LITTER BOX!
BC: Whatever. I'm hungry. Feed me.
MK: You don't need a wet food treat, Bear.
BC: Fine! I hate you!
MK: You're still sitting there.
BC: In case you change your mind.
MK: Ah. I have some work to do.
BC: {laying down on Momma's coat, next to where she's working} Great. I'll just sit here and WASTE AWAY since you're STARVING me.
MK: I totally forgot to put everything away. I just dropped my coat, keys, and mail to pet you and got distracted by your less than exuberance at my return.
BC: "Less than exuberance?" I'd call it one big "eh." Well, unless you feed me a wet food treat.
MK: Because you're wasting away.
BC: SEE! You FINALLY noticed!
MK: Oh, for the love ...
{Momma turns around and starts to work}
BC: I'm dying! DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING! I'm emaciated! I haven't eaten for weeks! And NO ONE CARES!
MK: Could you keep it down over there? I'm trying to get tomorrow's blog post together. Maybe you could waste away in silence?
BC: And you wonder why I don't mind when you're gone!!!
{Pause}
BC: HMPH! You leave me for DAYS so you can dine on luscious turkey and GRAVY and all I get is a second food bowl for a few days! And you didn't even bring me any turkey!
MK: Bear, last time I gave you turkey, you turned up your nose.
BC: I DID NOT!
MK: Ummm ... yeah, you did. Actually, now that I think about it, the rest is in the freezer still because I meant to try again and forgot.
BC: But I had turkey last week!
MK: What? Wait a ... Bear, that was cat food turkey.
BC: EXACTLY! REAL turkey. With GRAVY. Everyone knows REAL turkey comes in a can with "Licksies" on the label ... and the contents are smothered in tasty gravy.
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: I DIDN'T DO IT!
MK: The turkey I had on Thanksgiving didn't come from a can.
BC: WHAT?!?! Then it's NOT real turkey! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
MK: Bear...
BC: Sheesh! The LEAST you could do to celebrate Thanksgiving is eat REAL turkey like the pilgrims did!
MK: Ummm, Bear?
BC: I DIDN'T DO IT!
MK: Stop saying that every time I say your name!
BC: Then stop accusing me of stuff!
MK: So you didn't barf on me WHILE I was sleeping?
BC: Well, that was just a case of bad aim.
MK: And the poop smear and nugget?
BC: I like to think outside of the box!
MK: Never mind. The "Licksies" company didn't exist in the time of the pilgrims.
BC: WHAT?!?! LIES!!! Leave it to humans to celebrate a holiday as it didn't originally happen! Next thing you know, you'll tell me Jesus wasn't born under a Christmas tree!
MK: I have a headache now, thanks. Want to snuggle?
BC: Hmph. I'm too weak to walk to the bedroom. Because I'm STARVING!
MK: Okay. Suit yourself. I'm laying down.
{Momma goes to the kitchen}
BC: HIIIIII!

MK: Too weak?
BC: Don't rub it in!
MK: Oh, for crying ...
{Momma walks to the bedroom and lays down}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
MK: {reaching out to pet Bear} Now that's ...
BC: {CHOMP!}

MK: 
OWW! You cuddled up with me and purred!!!
BC: Oops. That's what happens when a cat STARVES ... he bites anything that looks like a tasty meal.
MK: Bear, you're not starving.
BC: DON'T RUB IT IN!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

Featured posts of the day:

38 comments:

  1. Going away is ground for severe punishment, Bear. We understand this only too well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yous a very goods story teller!

    Luvs,
    Rose ~the adult kitten

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dang, you look starved Bear. I hope the food truck arrived!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Food truck?!?! My Momma must seriously be starving me! I didn't know there were food trucks! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  4. Bear, you are not starving. I have seen you, and you once had trouble leaping onto a table due to your weight. Like the vet says, you are certainly not missing any meals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I jump just fine. Stop by and I'll show you what I mean ... ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. We bet you missed your mom too, Bear, right ? Purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NO! Err ... maybe? Kind of? FINE! A teeny tiny bit! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Oh Bear, we don't know what Licksies are, but let us tell ya'...Real turkey what comes on bones is da mostest delishus tasty bird ever. And hey, just cuz ya' don't eat da furst bite doesn't mean a thing. Raena didn't eat her furst ever bite either. She didn't like da way it looked. But she sure 'nuff ate da second, third and so on bites. MOL Da girl made a porky pig outta herself, really. We're sure you missed your mommy while she was gone, but she fur sure should give ya' a special treat fur havin' to be alone fur days. Big hugs to ya'll.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Missed her?!?! NO! Err ... maybe? Kind of? FINE! A teeny tiny bit! I'm glad Raena enjoyed her special feast ... those pictures on your blog were funny ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  7. Bear, you sure have some innerestin chats with yer Momma!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'M interesting ... she just blahs on and on! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  8. After that long a wait, we can see clearly how you might have mistaken your Mom's hand for a tasty whole chicken. Maybe even two!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bear, have you and your momma ever thought of relationship counselling? MOL But I do think she needs to be charged with desertion or something!! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. You're right. My Momma should go to therapy! Of course, there's nothing wrong with me ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Bear, you absolutely wear us out with your conversations (not a bad thing). We think you and Mauricio must be related. He absolutely wears our mom out with his non-stop complaints). You crack us up while you are doing it, though. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And we have a lot of complaints! Our conversations wear my Momma out too ... I can be rather loud ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  11. oh my!! Two whole days? I would have died!!!!! Love, Cody

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, two days away from you. She deserved the cold shoulder for that one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW!!! She's seen a lot of my butt since she got home. ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  13. Poor Bear, she left you to starve. I am glad you survived.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well geez, if you ever deserved a whole tasty chicken I think it is now ...after being abandoned for several days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you call my Momma and tell her that?!?! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  15. Oh Bear, my kitties are just like you. It doesn't matter if they just finished eating, they want to be fed again. They consider it a sport to see if they can trick me into feeding them extra meals. I hope that you were able to eat your fill. :)
    -Purrs from your friends at www.PlayfulKitty.net

    ReplyDelete
  16. You know, Bear, we have been waiting for years for a tasty whole chicken to walk into the door here, too. If it happens, you'll be the first cat we let know about it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll program the directions to you house into my GAS ... err ... GSP? GPS!!!! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  17. When Tasty Whole Chickens start walkin' through your door... Please-oh-please-oh-PLEASE... PLEASE BE SURE TO LET ME KNOW!!!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only if you bring your Nip to share ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Wow Bear, barf and a poop streak in one night? What kind of parties are you having over there?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The NSFH (not suitable for human) kind ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete