Friday, August 26, 2016

Delayed tail injury

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Delayed tail injury:
MK: {talking to herself} Hmmmm ... okay. Next!
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: {looking mad as Momma looks down} HEY!
MK: What?
BC: You almost ran over my tail with your desk chair! You could've broken my tail!
MK: You could've jumped out of the way!
BC: You could've watched where you were rolling!
MK: You could've not sat right behind the desk chair.
BC: YOU ... I ... err ... ummm ...
MK: Wait! MY desk chair?
BC: RATS! You know what I meant!
MK: No. What did you mean?
BC: I ... umm ... MY ... YOUR ... umm ... I HATE YOU!
MK: I was behind the wheels of YOUR desk chair?
BC: EXACTLY! And you almost BROKE my TAIL!
MK: Uh huh.
BC: I'd never have a ladycat friend again!
MK: Ummm ... when have you had a ladycat friend EVER?
BC: That's ... err ... IRRELEVANT!
MK: Not really. "Again" implies the circumstance occurred at least once before.
BC: NEGLIGENCE! I could sue you for damages!
MK: What damages?
BC: Loss of use ...
MK: You can use your tail. It wasn't injured. 
BC: RATS!
MK: "Rats" because your tail wasn't injured?
BC: Oh .... PHHT! 
{Pause}
BC: I'll sue you for emotional distress!
MK: What emotional distress?
BC: YOU ALMOST BROKE MY TAIL! I'd be a broken mancat!
MK: Key word being ***ALMOST***.
BC: But ... YOU'VE STEPPED ON MY TAIL BEFORE! OOOOOOOOOOH! PIERCING PAIN! A delayed tail injury! {Holding his tail} OWWWWWWWWWWW!
MK: The last time I remember ever putting even a tiny amount of pressure on your tail was over four years ago, Bear. I don't think I've ever actually STEPPED on your tail - putting down my full weight.
BC: That's a technicality!
{Pause}
BC: OWWWWW! MY TAIL! I'm having a delayed tail injury attack! On my broken tail!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: It hurts, Momma! I bet the emotional distress of almost having my tail run over jarred the delayed tail injury!
MK: Okay.
BC: Okay? Does that mean you're going to pay me a bunch of money?
MK: {walking to the closet where she keeps Bear's carrier} No. It means that if you're hurt, I need to take you to the vet.

BC: Uh oh ...
{Pause}
BC: BADA BOOM! My tail miraculously snapped back into place!
MK: Well, if you had a delayed tail injury and emotional distress caused it problems ... we should get it checked out just in case. I wouldn't want it to happen again.
BC: Ummm .... NOPE! ALL BETTER! I can tell. My tail isn't kinked anymore.
MK: Your tail was never kinked!
BC: Only I could tell. Because it FELT kinked!
MK: Bear ...
BC: {GASP} I bet it's the Tiger's Pride!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Well, you know I've been trying to formulate a tail enhancement product for mancats ... Tiger's Pride ... "Tiagra" colloquially.  I bet you almost ran over my tail because it's REALLY longer than it used to be!
MK: I am so, SO, SOOOOO sorry I asked.
BC: I better put a warning on the package about that!
MK: Oh no.
BC: It makes sense. A longer and/or thicker tail would mean more real estate that could get stepped on or otherwise injured.
{Pause}
BC: Momma?
MK: Yes, Bear?
BC: Look at my tail! Does it look longer and fuller to you?
MK: Bear ... you know I don't like talking ...
BC: MooooooommmmMMMA! Just LOOK at my tail! It IS longer! The Tiagra is working!!!
MK: Oh for the love of ...
BC: Don't you think my NOW LONGER tail is sexy?
MK: Bear ...
BC: It is! It TOTALLY is!!! Since you're my Momma, you just don't want to see it!
MK: {in frustration} Even if it IS longer Bear, you still don't have kitten making parts, so what's the difference?
{Silence  .... crickets ....}
MK: Uh oh.
{More silence  .... more crickets ....}
BC: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T HAVE KITTEN MAKING PARTS! I'm a BOY! OF COURSE I have kitten making parts! I'm a boy! Making kittens is what we do!
MK: What are your kitten making parts, Bear?
BC: I DON'T KNOW! I haven't exactly gone LOOKING for them! I just know I have to have them SOMEWHERE!
MK: Well ... actually ...
BC: SHEESH!!! I sit behind your chair ... waiting for you to roll backward so I can get my pay out and finally buy the tasty whole chickens you withhold from me and then I find out I don't have kitten making parts!
{Silence ... crickets ... }
BC: OH, @#$%^*!
MK: Nice.
BC: RATS! Now I'll NEVER get tasty whole chickens!!!

Pictures of the Day:
Bear's "Tiagra" aka ... creative photo editing. 


Featured posts of the Day:


18 comments:

  1. Oh Bear! First the threat...a visit to the vet's , then finding out you don't have kitten making parts...and to add insult to injury...no chicken..again!We need to pay you a visit and set your Momma straight! ;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true ... Momma's mean. But she never listens to me! ~Bear Cat

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  2. Dang, sure sounds like erect tail dysfunction to me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Momma's laughing so hard at your comment that she fell out of her desk chair! What's so funny?!?!? This is a SERIOUS problem!!! ~Bear Cat

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  3. Oh sweet Bear, you don't need no tiagra or a longer tail. We think you're handsum just da way you are. As fur those tasty whole chickens, we purrfur da white meat only, so we don't have any whole chickens to share, but hey. we'll share da breastys and wings with ya'. Come on over and enjoy. Hope ya'll have a pawsum weekend.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, ladies. You always know how to make a mancat feel good! Sending you all hugs! ~Bear Cat
      ps - RAENA! BEHAVE!

      Delete
  4. Oh no ! First the attack against your tail, then the vet trick, and finally the kitten making parts revelation : how can your momma do all of this to you, poor little thing ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! Tasty whole chickens are the only adequate redress! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Ok...I'm cracking up at the kitten making parts!!! I'm glad you don't have any because I don't want any kittens!!! And my grandpa stepped on my tail last night too!!! Boy did I ever give him a dirty look. --Mudpie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that dirty look ;) ~Bear Cat

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  6. Bear don't feel bad, I lost my "kitten making parts" LONG ago! Tell Mom she should ALWAYS keep your carrier out with the door open....then you won't know when you are going to the Vet! It works for me (usually!!) Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. My Momma gets it out a week beforehand. She's sneaky! ~Bear Cat

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  7. We were totally MOLing at "tiagra." Bear, you're too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I know lots of lady cats that would love you even if you had a broken tail.

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    Replies
    1. My Momma keeps telling me the same thing! Fortunately, I don't have a broken tail ... yet. ~Bear Cat

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  9. Bear, please tell me if you ever find your kitten making parts. You might have to journey a long way to find them.

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