Sunday, May 31, 2015

On Relationships {Babble From the Psycho}

What could be more fun than discussing relationships with your cat? 
(OK, the {BIRDS/BEES TALK} was definitely more  . . .  something) 
What is a "healthy" relationship? And when should you move on? And does Bear know more about relationships than Momma?

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Why are you up so early?
MK: What - did I disturb an early morning through-the-window booty call?
BC: Don't be crass - we just stare intently into each others eyes. No booty is involved.
MK: We could call it a "wooty" or a "windooty" call.
BC: I'm not amused.
MK: Besides, you do more than just staring . . . you're also fairly loud with your caterwauling. Though only Meorge replies. And he does use his booty.
BC: Yes, well, he is a bit kinky. Throwing his rump against the window like that. You still haven't answered my question.
MK: I'm taking grandpa to the airport.
BC: He's not my real grandpa right?
MK: What do you mean?
BC: He doesn't bring me treats or presents and doesn't even really touch me unless he has to. Mitten's grandma brings him treats and presents and watches Judge Judy with him.
MK: You WANT to spend more time with grandpa? You usually disappear whenever he comes over or you at least ignore him.
BC: That's NOT the point!
MK: Then what is the point?
BC: I don't feel like he cares about me.
MK: On the rare occasions I'm out of town, he comes over every few days to take care of you.
BC: But he uses our treats!
MK: Bear, it's not like you and me, where we chose each other.
BC: Speak for yourself! I was a free-range cat! Sowing my wild oats! Until you came out of no where, threw me in a carrier, and kitty-napped me!
MK: Yet, in all the time since then, you've never left my front porch when you've had the chance to make a run for it.
BC: Well, I was kind of hungry and it did kind of suck to live outside in the cold and the rain . . .
MK: Unlike us, where we resolved to love each other, we can't choose our families. Instead we have to be grateful for and make the best out of what we do have. People have different needs, different ways they connect with those outside themselves, and different ways of loving other people. Some times in families, those don't match - but it doesn't mean the love isn't there.
BC: Excuses! Babble from the psycho!
MK: You mean psychobabble?
BC: NO. I mean BABBLE FROM THE PSYCHO. Next thing you're going to tell me is that he doesn't read our blog!
MK: Besides, you don't even watch Judge Judy.
BC: Only because YOU don't watch it anymore! I can't reach the remote - remember?
MK: That is true . . . you watched it even more intently than I did - which says a lot.
BC: Until the Big Dodo guilted you out of watching it! I suffered too, you know!
MK: I recognize not everyone has the discerning taste that we do.
BC: You watched all his stupid shows!
MK: Well, I was in love . . . and trying to makes things work . . .
BC: And how did that work out for you? It's like selling your soul to make someone else happy or at least lubricate the relationship - when the problem is the OTHER PERSON.
MK: This from the cat who's trying to mate me off with men for whatever money you can get!
BC: And I noticed how you avoided the subject of grandpa reading our blog.
MK: Just like you avoided the question of why you show disdain for falling in love and trying to have a relationship, yet you're eager to marry me off.
BC: No love involved! A financial arrangement, not a relationship.
MK: You might actually be making some sense.
BC: Thank you - it's rare that you admit to my superior intellect and emotional intelligence. Now why doesn't he read our blog?
MK: I don't know - you'd have to ask him.
BC: Don't you know anything? You always tell me to ask everyone else.
MK: Because I have no idea why other people do the things they do. Like I have no idea why YOU do most of the things you do.
BC: To annoy you.
MK: Let me rephrase that: I have no idea why you do what you do, other than to annoy me.
BC: Better.
MK: Thank you.
Momma! Not Judge Judy! I change it myself!

***Who is Mittens? After reading Texts From Mittens, and getting a response from his {E-MAIL TO MITTENS (Entry #2)}, Bear is obsessed with everything Mittens!*** 


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