Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Lessons learned from my {big} brother

After a week in my forever home, I have to admit that I really love my Momma and my Daddy. They sometimes even fight over who's going to give me snuggles! My BIG brother, Bear Cat (don't tell him I said BIG ... I jokingly call him "big" and he insists he's just "fluffy" ... yeah, right!) can be a bit of a pain, but I've already learned a lot from him so far. He's probably not the best teacher or the best influence ... but he's a boy, so what do you expect? ~Ellie Mae

Lessons learned from my big brother:

*** "I'm the shark" is a fun game and The Boy enjoys playing it. To see him jump up and down with excitement, the excitement in his voice, how animated he becomes when we're playing ... he loves playing "I'm the shark" as much as we do!

*** Sharing is for those too scared to demand ownership.
{The battles between Bear and my Momma over her desk chair are EPIC!!!}



*** Everything in the house is Bear's ... and he doesn't like to share.
{Though I can pretend not to want something ... and he'll walk away long enough for me to take possession ... hahahahaha}

*** Listening to humans is optional - and following directions is for half-witted suck ups. Come when we're called?!?! Phht.
{Truth ... Bear actually DOES come when he's called ... draw your own conclusions 😼}

*** "No" means yes. "Yes" means yes. "Maybe" means yes. OBVIOUSLY. By us cats acting mournful and defeated, one parent often takes up the cause against the other parent, on our behalf.
{Daddy is the biggest sucker for this ... hahahaha. You should hear him telling Momma that allowing Bear and I to do whatever we want to won't harm anything}

*** When in doubt, scratch it, then bite it.

*** Scratching posts aren't nearly as fun as clawing the furniture.

*** Scratching posts are for the feeble-minded not tough enough to sharpen their claws on their humans.
{Truth ... I'm a good girl ... I don't scratch or bite ... unless you're an annoying brother ... I promise!}

*** Horrifying the human has a definite advantage. Rolling in mud or dead ants ... playing in one's water bowl ... sticking one's paw in the toaster ... if the human runs toward you with her arms flailing with great excitement ... you won.

*** No tip is necessary for food service. Bear told me that he even gets in trouble for dropping his toys in his food or water bowls! 
{Hmph. Just to be sure ... I might drop a few toys in his water bowl and see what happens ... I mean, I have my OWN water bowl, so surely they wouldn't suspect I did it, right?}

*** The toilet is not a toy and you will horrify your human by playing in it.

*** One of our many jobs is to protect the humans from aliens. They apparently don't hear them - so we're burdened with having to protect them.

*** Kitchen appliances are evil.  Once, the toaster tried to eat Bear. He claims he was just minding his own business and the toaster all of a sudden swallowed his paw! He SAW his paw in its evil jaws and lived to tell about it!!! Maybe I could use him as toaster bait if he's not nicer to me?
{Truth ... I've never seen Bear mind his own business or keep his paws to himself ... you draw your own conclusions of the veracity of Bear's tale}
{He also had a close call with a plastic bag ... who knew plastic bags were natural predators of cats?!?! Truth ... I don't believe either attack was random ...}

*** Before you misbehave, one should know that Momma has eyes in the back of her head. We've never seen them ... only the evidence in terms of Momma seeing everything even when she's in another room!

*** Belly rubs are heaven and the sacred right of any cat ... until such time that belly rubs are no longer agreeable to said cat ... and the murder button is activated.

***  Of the utmost importance ... keep the humans on their toes. JUST when they think they have you figured out ... change.

***  There's not enough mind bleach in the universe to erase Momma's singing, dancing or not wearing pants from our delicate memories.



*** Feline self-actualization involves the mastery of one's purrs. 
{Truth ... Bear ALWAYS purrs despite his best efforts to pretend not to care ... I know how to wrangle my purr into submission!!} 

*** Even when you don't feel like it, give humans the opportunity for a token ear rub every so often. Refusing only makes them want to pet you more because they'll think something is wrong. Oh, what we sacrifice for the use of the humans' opposable thumbs!

*** There's so much to see ... and so much fun awaiting one on the kitchen counter.

*** Watching the humans as they do their business in the bathroom is fun. It makes them all antsy and we get a captive audience. 
{NOTE: The Boy WILL NOT pick you up for cuddles if he's "occupied!" Momma will.}

*** If I hide, and Bear's the one napping in plain view of the humans, he's the one the grabby hands go for.

*** If I sleep in my hiding spot, and he's the one napping in plain view of the humans, he's the one the flashy box will attack.

*** Boys are weird. Bear stalks me - but when I stand up to him, he gets scared and runs away! Does he want to play or not?!?! Even weirder? Sometimes, he comes up to me and acts like he's going to bite me ... but instead he just SNIFFS my belly. Once, he even LICKED ME!!! WHAT THE CAT?!?!? Momma told me Bear used to have a little black kitty girlfriend that stopped by. He'd caterwaul and carry on - making googly eyes at her through the window - but when Momma took him outside to meet her - he flipped out and ran back inside. BOYS! Sometimes I wonder if he knows what he wants.

*** Bear and I can't be seen enjoying each others company. If Bear and I "disagree" and "fight," Momma will feel bad and give us extra treats/loves.
{Truth ... often Bear is too ticked off to partake in the nummy goodness, so I get his too!!!}

*** If I wait long enough, the wand toy will come back to me. Less effort for more kills. SOLD!


*** The little red dot is evil. I haven't met the little red dot ... but it's name alone indicates evilness.

*** Catnip bananas ROCK.

*** Pate sucks.

*** If I don't cover my poop, the litter box will get scooped faster.

*** Looking cute 24/7 is a hard job.

*** Stalking your sibling is fun.



*** Hiding is more art than science.

*** Play with your loudest possible toys at night.

*** If your "prey" is moving too fast, refuse to move until it moves as a more moderate pace. Somehow, it WANTS you to catch it - so you can half-a$$ it and still catch it.

*** Barfing and meowing dramatically gets your people out of bed fast. Bonus points if you barf ON the human. Despite lots of practice, Bear's aim's only been on the money once.

*** If the position of the relaxing person isn't to your liking, walk in circles around them until she gets the message and changes position. Whacking the human's face with your tail with each pass is advised.

*** Your butt is your best side.

*** Humans don't like things (toys, cats, barf) in the middle of the floor - especially when it's dark.

*** The kitchen pantry contains all kinds of magnificent kitty wonders.


*** We are not above begging and bribes.



*** The food is always tastier in the other food bowl. Even if it's diet and your bowl is full of kitten food!

*** A litter-eating degenerate lives in the closet; it comes out after litter throwing olympics. It eats and howls at the same time. NOT to be trifled with; Bear ALMOST lost his beautiful coat to one!
{Truth ... or so he says ... I'm starting to think that the cat tree isn't the only tall thing around here}

*** It's okay to not want to be petted.

*** It's okay to meet your person at the front door. However, just to make them paranoid, bite her when she tries to pet you.

*** Pretending to not like The Boy yields food - bacon, french fries, etc - yum yum yum.


*** Under Momma's bed is a great hiding spot - Bear gets the top half of under the bed and I get the bottom half.

*** RUN like your tail's on fire if you hear the carrier come out. Ditto for if you see the claw clippers or our toothpaste/brush. TORTURE! Our Momma TORTURES us!!!


*** The vet isn't another opportunity to be petted ... no! It's kitty HELL!!! Fight for your life or you'll die at the hands of the vet anyway!!! And if no one bleeds, you haven't done it right.

*** Sometimes you feel like a nut ... sometimes you are one.

*** The humans might be intellectually challenged and weird (showers under buckets of WATER?!?! A WATER litter box?!?! MADNESS!!!) - but they love us and keep us safe.


Points Bear and I disagree on:

*** Bear religiously adheres to one side of the litter box being the stinky poop side and the other, the non-stinky poop side.

*** Bear thinks Momma is the best ... but I like my Daddy best. Bear calls Daddy "Not the Momma" but I think it's Momma that's "Not the Daddy!"


*** Boxes ROCK!!! Yet, Bear refuses to partake of their essential wonderfulness.

*** I think the bathtub is a fun place to hide ... Bear wouldn't be caught dead in the bathtub.

*** Barfing and peeing contests are gross. Only boys insecure in their masculinity feel the need to do either. But don't tell Bear I said that ...

*** I LOVE cheese ... Bear {that fool} does not. Oh well, more for me!

I love my new home, my Daddy, my Momma, and sometimes, even my brother Bear. He's not so bad once you get to know him - and I could hand him his behind on a platter if I really wanted to. I just choose not to. ~Ellie Mae

46 comments:

  1. Sounds like you've learned a lot in a short time, Ellie Mae. I bet you'll be in charge of Bear in no time. (Just remember, the lady cat is ALWAYS in charge!) And keep your paws out of the toaster! :)

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    Replies
    1. Over my dead body! ~Bear Cat
      Hahahaha. I can arrange that! ~Ellie Mae

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  2. You guys are doing so well together! Big brothers can teach you all kinds of good stuff. Signed, Ringo and Lucy

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  3. Wowsers Ellie Mae! You have learned a ton since you were adopted! It looks as though you just might end up training , um, liking, your big brother and his many wisdoms, at the end of the day :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

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  4. Oh Ellie Mae, you are learning so quickly and we are very proud of you!!!

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  5. MOLMOL hand him his behind on a platter...that was funny Ellie Mae. Life is about wise decisions and that for sure is a wise decision
    Hugs madi your bfff

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  6. Ellie Mae, sounds like you are beginning to get that Bear under control. And learning all the trades of your new home. That is great.

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  7. We're a little behind in welcoming you, and we need to catch up. We're so glad you're settling in. And we agree - pate sucks double time!

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  8. Clearly you are a fast learner. Especially about boy stuff. We're quite impressed. PS: mom wants to suggest a second litterbox if you don't already have one. And a top loading PTU is enormously helpful.

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    Replies
    1. We have a second litter box ... but we really need a new carrier!

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  9. Wow, Ellie Mae, you learned a lot in a very short time ! Purrs

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  10. AMARULA: Bear, while you do appear to be teaching the wretch some important life lessons (like how everything belongs to you--I have the same rule here!) and I certainly sympathize with your take on cheese (it's rotten milk for God sakes! why eat it?!) I still can't understand why Ellie Mae(BE NOT)is still breathing! Clearly the cretin has exhausted you to the point of being nearly comatose -- that's the only reason to explain why she yet lives! That settles it! You best come run away with me!

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    Replies
    1. OOOOOOOKAY! You don't have to convince me!!! I bet Frodo and Ellie would make the perfect "ignorance is bliss" couple! ~Bear Cat

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  11. You are a super quick learner, Ellie Mae! We're so happy to see you settling in so quickly :)

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  12. Well, Miss Ellie Mae, we think you are a very quick study and have a lot of stuff figured out in a short time. We know who's going to be ruling the roost soon enough (shhh....we won't tell Bear Cat!).

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    Replies
    1. Over my dead body! ~Bear Cat
      Hahahaha. I can arrange that! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  13. Ellie, you are a quick learner! There are so many nuggets of wisdom here. You are so adorable!

    Bear, I think you are super cute. I love all these pictures of you. This was such a fun post to read and see the accompanying pictures. Kitty looks like she was so sweet and pretty.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! ~Ellie Mae
      Kitty?!?! SWEET?!?!?! Hahahahahaha. She was part tortie, you know! ~Bear Cat

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  14. Um, Ellie Mae, we think it won't be long before Bear is learning a thing or two from you!

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  15. Bear Cat is a good teacher and you are a smartie Ellie Mae. XO

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  16. Sisters rock, brothers not.
    Your fur-iend,
    Elsa🐾
    Not true, bro. Let her think the absurdity of that thought.
    YOUR fur-iend,
    Sam🐾

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    Replies
    1. Black fur rocks, others not. ~Ellie Mae
      These girls are ridiculous! ~Bear Cat

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  17. It sounds like there are 2 wise kitties in you house, Ellie Mae! Also, the kitties around here have murder buttons on their tummies, too!

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    Replies
    1. I know about me. But who's the other wise kitty?!?! Hahahaha. ~Ellie Mae

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  18. ellie....we iz buzzed happee yur settlin in N glad bear haz toll ya everee thing ya knead
    ta noe but due knot listen ta him when he talkz bout bass terd chcknz cheese IZ de best
    roll in sum dead antz N dirt for uz pleez next time N we total lee understand de censor button
    coz we haz one round heer two :) !! ☺☺♥♥

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    Replies
    1. I agree! Chicken over cheese any day! Besides his hatred of boxes, what kind of tabby worth his stripes doesn't like cheese?!?! ~Ellie Mae

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  19. You are DEFINITELY learning a lot and Bear sure is a great teacher! I love that it looks like overall you two are getting along! YAY! catchatwithcarenandcody

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  20. Well Ellie Mae, sure sounds like you've learned a lot in a very short time. We're glad you found a furevery home with Bear. We know you'll be well luvved. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. I was just happy about getting a Momma and a Daddy ... but a brother is pretty cool too. Especially when he has lots of cool stuff :) ~Ellie Mae

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  21. Hello Ellie Mae. Human rules? They're just guide lines really, and a lady cat needs to be a free spirit, at least whenever the work allows. Great to see you're getting a handle on how things REALLY work in your place. It's important to go through the initial work with your colleagues on the 'shop floor' stage as it were (under the bed) before moving on up the managerial levels.

    As to the boys, well they have different priorities and needs to us girls, and you'll have to be prepared to allot some extra time to help them cope with the new managerial structure. In essence in the early days keep tasks simple and achievable so they can prove worth and self esteem. As judgement grows, and this may take a while, a long while, allow them to get their own way on smaller matters. After all you don't want to be spending too much resource on managing staff when there is fun to be had. MOL

    Keep up the good work.

    Purrs ERin

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate you taking me under your wing, Erin. Might you be ready for a brother of your own?!? Yeah. Boys are gross. ~Ellie Mae

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  22. Wow, Ellie Mae, you are a fast learner. We're amazed at all the knowledge you've acquired in just one week! We're so happy you have found such a purrfect family, with a Daddy, a not the Daddy (aka Mommy) and a BIG brother! :)

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    1. Thank you! There's so much to take in and discover in a new home ... so many loves to get ... I'm a happy girl! ~Ellie Mae

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  23. Oh Ellie Mae, I'm so glad you love your new home! I think Bear Cat will be an excellent teacher, even if he is a boy cat. :-)

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    1. Boys are trouble ... but so am I ;) ~Ellie Mae

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