Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Get me legal!

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: The Boy

BC: Momma! Let me in! Let me in! I know you're in there with Ellie and tasty whole chickens!

{Silence}
BC: MommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMA! LET ME IN THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW!

{Silence}
BC: I'm going to huff and puff and blow this door down!
EM: {coming up behind him} Dude. Take a chill pill.

BC: Huh?!?! YOU! In there! Out here! But ... HOW?! ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

{Pause}
{Bear runs one direction and ends up under a towel ... with only his head hidden}

EM: {walking casually up behind him} I still see you.
BC: But how? YOUR VOO DOO! You can see through things! This is worse than I thought!
EM: No voo doo. Only your head is hidden under the towel.
BC: WHAT?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {Bear runs another direction and ends up in a paper bag ... with his entire back end sticking out}

EM: {walking casually up behind him} Umm ... I hate to break it to you ...
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She's going to kill me with her black magic! She's going to kill me with her black magic! {running one direction and then back and another direction ... and ending up under the bed} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

EM: Because THAT'S a surprise! Imagine that. Mr. Tough Pants UNDER THE BED.
{Pause}
BC: {out of breath} {sigh} I don't know what kind of voodoo you're up to ... but leave me out of it!! You're in two places at once, you can see through my hiding spots AND you knew I'd hide under the bed.
EM: I only knew about you hiding under the bed because that's where you spend most of your life since you're such a scared-y cat. It wasn't voodoo ... it was just a good guess. And DUDE ... find a hiding spot where ALL of you fits!
BC: Well, I NEVER!
EM: Blowing the door down? That hasn't worked for you before.
BC: It's not bad enough that you're HEXING ME?!?! Now you're heckling me?!?!
EM: It's not heckling you to remind you that you've never successfully blown down any doors.
BC: It worked for the wolf!
EM: You're not a wolf.
BC: What do you mean ... I can be whatever I want! I'm a shark and a tiger and ... and ... I'm ferocious and scary and ...
EM: Under the bed?
BC: It's YOU that should explain how you can be two places at once. I SAW you walk into the bathroom after Momma.
EM: You must be blind.
BC: Don't lie to me! I SAW you! Wait a ... YOU'RE MULTIPLYING! There are clones of you EVERYWHERE! I'm telling you, I saw you walk in the bathroom with Momma!
EM: That was earlier today.
BC: {mockingly} That was earlier today. As if I don't know when things ... wait a ... huh. 
{Pause}
BC: That WAS earlier today.
EM: It's kind of hard to have a conversation with you when you're under the bed. Unless you're SCARED.
BC: ME?!?! SCARED?!? I think ...
{The doorbell rings}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: I'll just stay here a few more minutes. Where were you when I thought you were in the bathroom?
EM: I was sleeping in my cat condo on the cat tree.

BC: Your cat condo? YOUR cat condo?!?! I think not.
EM: I never see you in it.
BC: {mockingly} I never see you in it ... as if THAT matters. I never see you in the litter boxes ... does that mean that you don't use them?
EM: You saw me in the litter box last night! Remember? You stuck your nose all up in my business.
BC: Huh. I'm not going to say you're right ... but the smell did knock me out for a little while.
{Bear walks out from under the bed and sits in front of the closed bathroom door again ... listening through the door}
{Pause}
EM: What are you ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm trying to figure out what's going on in there!
EM: I know.
BC: So who's in there with the tasty whole chickens?
EM: I'm guessing The Boy. You've busted in on him enough to know that if the person in there doesn't respond, it's not Momma. 
BC: VOO DOO! VOO DOO! Get away from me!
EM: It's not voo doo to make a guess based upon the evidence and circumstances. That's just being smart. Besides, Momma's in the kitchen.
BC: Wait wait wait!!! Momma's in the kitchen?!?! Why didn't you say that before?!?! You should ALWAYS start with kitchen business.
{Bear sprints to the kitchen}
BC: {seeing Momma} HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

MK: Threatening the bathroom door again?!
BC: Oh, yeah. Get a laugh at my expense. You wouldn't be laughing if the door mocked you all up in your business.
EM: Ummm ... I don't think doors are actually alive.
BC: Shows what YOU know! You're just a stupid girl!
EM: No. YOU'RE stupid! You think everything is out to get you!
BC: That's because they are! It's all fun and games until a kitchen appliance tries to eat you.
EM: I've been here for a month and the only thing that's tried to eat me is you! Maybe if you stay off the kitchen counter and keep your paws to yourself, you wouldn't find yourself staring down the jaws of a kitchen appliance.


BC: Did Momma put you up to this? You're in cahoots to keep me off the kitchen counter? Oh, yeah. Pick on the poor innocent victim.
EM: You do that to me every day!
BC: You still haven't told me what you and Momma were doing with the tasty whole chickens this morning in the bathroom! Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} You're TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN LAUNDERING!
{Pause}
BC: {looking at Momma} And you said you didn't want to clean a chicken!
MK: WHAT?!?
BC: All along when I've begged for a tasty whole chicken, one of your reasons for NOT giving me one is that you don't want to clean it!
MK: Pulling out all its insides and preparing it for cooking would be gross.
BC: And now, since ELLIE asked, you're doing it!
MK: WHAT?!?!
BC: LAUNDERING CHICKENS! Making what you shouldn't be doing into something legitimate! To HIDE the chickens from me.
MK: That makes no sense.
BC: Get me legal! I need my lawyer.
MK: Now this is going to be good.
EM: What is?

MK: Last time he sat down with the phone book and called lawyers, he didn't exactly get the response he hoped for.
BC: It's not MY fault the legal profession doesn't see the injustice in empty food bowls and brushing my teeth! You probably paid them off in tasty whole chickens! Everyone gets tasty whole chickens except for me!!!!
EM: Maybe if you were a good boy and not obnoxious all the time ...
BC: Maybe if you weren't a goody goody all the time making me look bad ...
The Boy: {walking into the room} How's my Buddy Bear?
EM: Uh oh.
BC: I'm NOT your buddy! I keep telling you I'm NOT your buddy! 
The Boy: Who feeds you bacon? And french fries? 
BC: Ummm ... is that a trick question?
The Boy: My Buddy Bear loves french fries and bacon.
BC: MOOOOOMMMMMMMA! Tell him to stop calling me his buddy! 
EM: Dude. Whenever things go wrong, you ask your MOMMA to fix it for you. Grow some ...

BC: Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: {to The Boy} What were you doing with the tasty whole chickens in the bathroom?
The Boy: What are you talking ...
BC: SEE?!?!?! NOT buddies! You refuse to tell me about the tasty whole chickens. If you were REALLY my buddy, you'd tell me the truth! You all are conspiring to keep me from my tasty whole chickens! Phht. You're the one that said women are trouble - but you're working with them!
MK: Women are trouble?
BC: The Boy said it's bros before hoes.
MK: Excuse me?
The Boy: I NEVER said that! He's just trying to get out of trouble by getting me in trouble!
BC: What about you saying Ellie and I are just animals?

EM: Daddy?
The Boy: Well ... it's true.
MK: Just animals?
BC: He said if something happens to us you can just get more cats!
MK: {to The Boy} Really? REALLY?!?!?
BC: I'll have you know I SAVED Momma's life! YES! ME! Just a cat! A little respect would be nice.
The Boy: Ummm ...
BC: Am I out of trouble now?
MK: Yes.
The Boy: No.
BC: Momma's opinion is the one that counts since she controls our food and treats.
The Boy: That's not entirely true ... I've filled your food bowl more times than not since Ellie got here.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!? {turning to Momma} Is that true?
MK: Yes.
BC: {GASP} HWK! HHHHHHHHHHAWK HWK! I'm dying! I'm dying! I've been poisoned! I KNEW IT! The Boy is trying to kill me! I THOUGHT my food tasted different!
EM: The only thing you've been poisoned by is a bad attitude. EXHAUSTING! I'm taking a nap.
BC: WHAT?!?! You can SLEEP knowing I'm DYING!?!?! I'M DYING! By the time you wake up, I'll be dead! And YOU'LL be next!
EM: Can you keep your dramatics down a little bit? I'm trying to sleep up here!
BC: {looking both directions} HOW RUDE! 

The Boy: Look at how cute Ellie is sleeping on the couch! 
BC: BARF BARF BARF. Barf cubed. No one appreciates me! No one cares that I'm DYING! Poor, poor me!
EM: {whispering} You might have more credibility if you weren't STILL alive.
{Silence}
MK: Ouch.
BC: You always take HER side!
MK: You make it kind of easy sometimes.
The Boy: Sometimes?! Sometimes?!
BC: OH, WHO ASKED YOU?!?! I'm going where I'm appreciated!
The Boy: Going to hell?
BC: Shut up!

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52 comments:

  1. What Ho, Bear! Dude don't believe them, if they were ganging up on you those are exactly the answers they would give! What I suggest is *Whispers.........................* and they will be eating out of your paws, yup it is that easy.! Good luck, and may the Tasty Chicken Force be with you.
    Purrrs
    ERin
    PS if you loosen the hinges on the door it is way way easier to blow it down, just saying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loosen the hinges? Doesn't require opposable thumbs and a screw driver?!?! Where there's a will, there's a way ...
      Love the Tasty whole chicken force!!! We're going to steal that! ~Bear Cat

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    2. By all means, steal away. Get the Boy to do the hinges for you, in exchange for going easy on Le Shark. You can say it's in case of earth quake or invasion by Rogue Tasty Chickens from Centuri Prime!
      ERin

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    3. PS Centuri Prime is two along from Amazon Prime, the peep says...

      Delete
  2. Bear, we've never met a kitteh so mocked as you in all our 6 (so far) lives. How do you endure it ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barely! I've ALMOST had it! I mean it this time too! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  3. Whoa you two are almost touching!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bear, at least you and Ellie Mae are finally getting along! She does know where the whole chickens are hidden.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT?!?! She knows where they are and is holding out on me?!?! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  5. guys....noe matter who figurez it out; bass terd chckn a side ☺
    if ya figure out how ta blow down a doorz...let uz noe coz we
    wanna get in two de pan tree ~~ !!! N for what itz werth; we hide
    under de bed; next ta de table N in de korner oh de closet !!

    ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will do! I need to find some new hiding spots too! Great ideas! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  6. Bear Mom is literally cracking up at the first few photos.
    She told me when sissy was a wee girl and they had their Dachshund, Toto. Sissy would sit at the door saying mommy are you ever coming out and Toto would whine....they took turns with their vocals too.
    Hugs madi your bfff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. {sigh} Yes, we are treated to entire feline symphonies when a door is closed! Hahaha.

      Delete
  7. Hmmmmmm Da boy got kind'a disrespectful there at da end. Bear, we got your back. You can come over to our house fur some tasty whole chickens and ducks and all kinds of goodies, anytime ya' want. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, ladies! It's nice to know that ALL women (like those who shall remain ... oh whatever ... Momma and Ellie!!!) aren't mean ;) We really enjoyed yesterday's post by the way - thank you! ~Bear Cat

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  8. Seems like nothing gets by little Ellie Mae, Bear. She can dish it out with the best of 'em!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Looks like you're becoming a great team! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Except that there's no 'I' in team - so that can't be right! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Tougher than Bear anyway. Don't tell him I said that though! ~Ellie Mae

      Delete
  11. Bear, we think you are fighting a losing battle. It is now 3 against 1. That's right...even your Momma has gone to the other side. MOL! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's SO unfair! I could understand if I had a bad attitude or something but I'm just a sweet little kitty cat! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  12. Ellie, you sure know how to stand up to Bear Cat. You know, Bear, you may just have met your match in this one. She's a pretty tough customer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RATS! Pierre and I should form a support group. ID-ANON ... for those of us stuck with stupid idiot siblings! Of course, we'd have meetings under the couch ;) ~Bear Cat

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  13. I appreciate you, Bear. I think you are meant for the stage as a dramatic cat actor or comedic actor. I think Hollywood needs you, pal!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If tasty whole chickens are involved, SIGN ME UP! Thank you, V! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  14. Oh, Bear. Just you wait. It will all be fine.No one can replace you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poor Bear, she is giving you a run for the money ( or tasty whole chickens).

    ReplyDelete
  16. Psst Bear - I think you are a wolf and could blow huff and puff and blow that door right down!

    Your feline friend, Rosie

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tasty whole chicken laundering? Bear, that is preposterous...unless it's true!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm telling you ... it IS true! I'm being SCREWED! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  18. Bear, it does seem like they are all ganging up on you. Try being nice to Ellie, she might become your best friend. She does seem to hold her own. All of you have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best friend?!?! We'll see about that! Then again, there would be ADVANTAGES ;) ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  19. You need to find that tasty whole chicken and then recruit it to your side, Bear. We think a tasty whole chicken would make for a great ally.

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    Replies
    1. How do you lure a tasty whole chicken?!?! I've tried EVERYTHING! ~Bear Cat

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  20. Bear, I'm on your side. I think she should launder a tasty whole chicken for you (although the lady agrees about it being gross). If you came here, we could hide under the bed or couch together. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hiding is always better with a friend ... especially if she's a ginger girl or a tortie! ~Bear Cat

      Delete
  21. Bear and Sam both seem to be losing the battle against clever sisters. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  22. Brulee is learning to stand up to Truffle. She had her pinned down the other night.

    We'd love to include you in our 2018 Cat Blogging Calendar. Please see details at https://cbcatcalendar.blogspot.com/.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay Brulee! We sent your our submission earlier this week :)

      Delete
  23. Bear, you need to figure out how to make having a new sister work to your advantage. Get her on your side and there is no end to what the two of you can accomplish together!

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    Replies
    1. She's ALWAYS on my side! I keep drawing the line and she keeps stepping over it! ~Bear Cat

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