Friday, May 25, 2018

Thinking outside the litter box #ChewyInfluencer

Disclosure: We received Scoop Away Complete Performance Scented Scoopable Cat Litter (42-lb bag) - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Scoop Away nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post.

What did we try from Chewy this month?!? It's our third month of being part of the Influencer program. To find our past reviews you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer. Our first review of May was for Purina Pro Plan Seafood Favorites Variety Pack. Our second review is for Scoop Away Complete Performance Scented Scoopable Cat Litter! This is our first time evaluating a non-food product as part of the program.

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae

MK: Are you two ready to try our second product of the month from Chewy?!?
BC: Tasty whole chickens?!?! PLEASE let it be tasty whole chickens ...
EM: Ooh! Ooh! I want a fish! Did we get a fish? 
BC: OOOH! Good one! Maybe a tuna?! I LOVE to eat tuna.
EM: I want to love the fish and watch it and be best friends and braid each others fur and fins ... because YOU'RE a grumpy-pants and you're no fun!
BC: Say that again and I can ensure you'll sleep with the fishes.
EM: At least I'm not a wet blanket!
BC: Fish are for noms.
EM: They can be friends too! Momma?!? MOMMA! Fish can be friends, right? If we get a fish, can you keep Mr. Grumpy-pants from eating it?
MK: We didn't get a fish.
BC: HA!
EM: Probably for the best ... with a certain grumpy-pants around here!
BC: You won't see ME getting in bed with a tasty whole chicken. Now a bazooka?! HECK YEAH! A tank? ABSOLUTELY! A tiara? Not much to cuddle with, but still better than YOU.
EM: Aww ...
BC: OH! Maybe we finally got a cat hammock! No, wait. I hope it's food! I'm REALLY hungry! This better be good! Crab. NO! TUNA! Err ... chicken? Beef?!
MK: {showing the cats the second product} TADA!
BC: LITTER?!?! Please tell me that's a brand of food. Hmmm. It must be misspelled. Maybe it's supposed to say CRITTER?! Yep! Some stupid human can't spell! I wonder which critter. I love to eat them all. But especially fishies!

EM: You're saying that just to bait me! Momma already said we didn't get a fish. Thank goodness you can't eat me ... you'd probably try!
BC: This from the cat that's known as the garbage disposal?
EM: I only ate your barf ONCE!
BC: Oh, really?
EM: Err ...
{Pause}
EM: {quietly} Last week.
BC: That sounds more accurate.
{Pause}
EM: It's not my fault! If it was good enough for you to eat ... why would it be different the second time?
BC: GIRLS!
MK: HEY! I'M a girl!
BC: Don't be ridiculous. You're a Momma, not a girl! BIG difference. And not just in butt size.
{Pause}
BC: Can we eat the litter ... err ... CRITTER now?
EM: Don't be stupid. I bet it should say GLITTER.

BC: You can't eat glit ... NO! ... wait a ... THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! 
EM: Maybe it should be "hitter." You know, if it is litter. Hahahahaha. "HIT-HER for ordering litter." Hitter? Hit-her?
BC: If it is litter, I will hit her. And BITTER too!
EM: Hahahahahaha. "BIT HER."
MK: Are you two done? Because it is "litter."
EM: {whispering to Bear} I could've sworn she said "litter." She DID NOT say LITTER, right?
BC: We're reviewing poop fodder? Not food?!? I WANT MY LAWYER! NO! YOUR therapist! Do you even HAVE a therapist?! Because you REALLY need therapy!
MK: Bear ...
BC: You've GOT to be shi ... err ... pooping me!
EM: Maybe Momma did it so you WOULD poop.
BC: {whispering back} Let ME handle this ...
{Silence as Bear thinks}
MK: I'm so excited to try litter! We don't have a go-to brand and I want to find one! I'm a creature of habit - when I find a product that works and is a value I stick with it for dear life. Unfortunately, I haven't found a satisfactory litter yet. I'm hoping we'll get to review a bunch of brands and share the results with our readers.
BC: Why do you seem so excited about reviewing something like litter? IT'S LITTER. You don't get all excited about trying new toilets!

EM: {whispering} She just said she's looking for a go-to litter...
BC: It's LITTER! You can't eat litter!
EM: Well, TECHNICALLY I mean you COULD eat ... 
BC: Then again, maybe YOU eat litter. You'll eat anything else.
EM: Momma's got a ...
{Pause}
BC: Please tell me it at least has glitter IN the litter.
MK: No glitter.
BC: Awwwwww, man! 
EM: I don't know that I want my butt to sparkle.
BC: Phht. That's because your butt is huge enough ... it doesn't need anything to grab people's attention.
EM: STOP BEING MEAN TO ME!!!
BC: Are there critters in the litter? I mean, THAT I could understand. I mean, as long as they are RECYCLED critters.
EM: Recycled? How do you recycle a critter?
BC: Poop it out!
EM: Ewww ...
MK: Back to the topic of litter ... We have a lot of requirements and I'm kind of picky.
BC: Why are YOU picky? YOU don't use our litter box! THANK GOODNESS. Talk about a mess. Ellie's poop is bad enough.
EM: Quit being mean to me! I'm really getting tired of you taking shots at me all the time.

BC: If I get a bazooka, you won't have to worry about shots ... I'll just take one shot and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! KABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! GOOD NIGHT, SMELLIE!
EM: Hahahahahaha. That was kind of ... {seeing Bear} ... you're kidding, right?
{Silence}
EM: THAT'S IT! I'm tired of being the poop on your shoe! I ... uh .... uh ... TIMBER!
BC: HEY! That bag of litter almost cat-caked me!
EM: Too bad you moved.
BC: That was close! I almost ... WAIT?! Where are you going?

{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! Did you see that? Smellie's trying to murder me! With LITTER.
MK: BOTH OF YOU!!! Knock IT off!
BC: Knock the litter off?! LET ME show Momma where to stick this litter for not getting us more food.
EM: I'm tired of him making me the butt of every joke.
BC: Well, to be fair, you are the BUTT of most things around here.
EM: Take that back!
BC: Make me!
EM: My pleasure!
{The cats tussle}
MK: {not meaning to talk to herself ... but with the cats "busy" ...} Let's see ... what I look for in litter ... tight clumping ... little tracking ... I prefer low dust and great odor control - but those are both secondary to clumping and not tracking. I prefer to get litter without fragrances - for all of our sakes. I know litter's not exactly glamorous ... but it is necessary. And a good litter makes for happy kitties.
BC: I think you mean tasty whole chickens make for happy kitties.
EM: NO! TUNA!
BC: Shut up, Smellie! You're not even a real cat!
EM: Well, you're not a real bear!
MK: NOOOOO. Cats are clean creatures and like to keep it that way. A good litter will make that easier for both of us. Not glamorous ...
BC: Not like tuna, no. Wait a ...
EM: Tuna isn't glamorous!
BC: Who asked ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... Are you calling us OCD?!?! Because I SAW you scrubbing the life out of the ...
MK: And even better ... this litter is made of natural elements. Scoop Away Complete is constructed of plant extracts - without any harsh chemicals and additives.
{Momma pours the litter in the box as Bear supervises}

MK: {talking to herself} Look at that! NO dust! This Scoop Away litter is 99% dust free! I usually wait to pour litter until I'm about to get in the shower because I hate that feeling of being covered in litter dust - but that's not an issue here. And there's no dust cloud or accumulation of the dust on the litter box - so it LOOKS cleaner too!
BC: Whatever.
MK: {talking to herself} But does it work?!? I'm staking out the litter box here ... just waiting for a cat to step inside and take advantage of the facilities ...
BC: Great. Like she needs another reason to stalk us and watch our every move! I'm getting out of here before the grabby hands make an appearance. She needs to buy guinea pigs ... because I'm NOT trying this no-critter, no-glitter litter!
{Bear leaves the room ... then no movement ... err ... no creatures stir ... err ... both, for half an hour}

{Momma's hiding under the table and she perks up when she sees Ellie approach the litter box}
MK: {talking under her breath} Observe the female of the species as she approaches the litter box. 
{Pause}
MK: She sniffs ... notice how important scent is to a cat ... she sniffs the other way ... she walks around delicately ... she scratches around a bit in one direction ... and then another ... 


{Pause}
MK: She adjusts slightly ... makes a suitable hole ... adjusts one last time ... and SCORE! TOUCHDOWN!

BC: What are you ...

MK: {surprised, in her hiding spot, Momma startles and hits her head on the bottom of the table} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
EM: What's she doing under there?
BC: What do you THINK she's doing? Being weird and lurk-y! I'm glad that I have no idea. Though I think she was narrating your visit to the litter box. 
EM: She's got nothing better to do?
BC: Like I said ... she needs therapy or we'll all get a free trip to the funny farm.
EM: What's so funny about a farm?
BC: Phht. I should know better. How's the litter?
EM: It's litter!
BC: If a cat needs to evaluate a product, I guess he has to do it himself!
{Bear scratches around in the litter box ... then relieves himself}
BC: Quite satisfactory.
EM: You should say that with a posh English accent!
BC: Shut up, SMELLIE!
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!!!!}
EM: You told me to shut up!
BC: Not YOU!
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!!!!}
EM: Do you have something caught in your throat?
{Silence}
BC: I hate when she does this ...
EM: But I didn't DO anything! You told me to shut up and I was just sitting here and ...
BC: I hate when MOMMA does this. Look at our litter box! I'll have to think OUTSIDE of the box ... I guess I'll have to toss litter out of the box until she gets the message!


MK: ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I'll scoop it! I'll scoop it! Amazing odor control. If I hadn't been here watching ...
BC: You mean LURKING ...
MK: Whatever! If I hadn't been here watching, I'd never know you two used the facilities. And I love how tight the clumps are! They leave no trace of used litter!

BC: No kidding. I couldn't even smell Smellie's business!
MK: Looks like everyone's happy! Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available? Not so with Chewy ... 24/7 ...
BC: Everyone's happy? Not quite. Since SOME-MOMMA didn't get us another food to try ... we'll have to go with the old stuff. Can we get our wet food treat now?  

Note on long term evaluation: Scoop Away DOES track less! Combined with low dust, tight clumps, no overpowering fragrances, natural contents, and amazing odor-control ... this litter is definitely a must-have! We'll order Scoop Away again!

Interested in trying Scoop Away Complete Performance Scented Scoopable Cat Litter (42-lb bag)? Go visit Chewy and order a bag for your favorite feline!

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

TOO-NA TOO-NA!! #ChewyInfluencer

Disclosure: We received Purina Pro Plan Seafood Favorites Variety Pack (Canned Cat Food, 3-oz, case of 24) - for free in exchange for an honest review. Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat only shares information we believe would be of interest to our readers. The content is ours - neither Purina nor Chewy are responsible for the contents of this post.

What did we try from Chewy this month?!? It's our third month of being part of the Influencer program. To find our past reviews as part of the program, you may follow this tag: #ChewyInfluencer. Our first review of May is for Purina Pro Plan Seafood Favorites Variety Pack.

Our second review is a surprise and will be published Friday!

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

BC: Is that the Chewy box for this month?!?
EM: CHEWY? The Chewy box is here? Why would someone make a chewy box? Does it taste good?
BC: CHEWY, the COMPANY. Remember? We get to try a couple items a month from them in exchange for our honest review.
EM: So the box isn't chewy?
BC: Move out of the way. I'll handle this.

EM: But I want to know what we got too! That's a BIG box! There must be something good if the box isn't chewy.
BC: What'd we get this month?
EM: Is there ... FOOD?!

BC: {mockingly} Is there FOOD?!? Fatso still thinks she's going to starve to death. What ELSE would there be but food?
MK: This month we got one item that's NOT food.
BC: WHAT?!?

EM: Oh no!! We're gonna starve! Awww ...
BC: Speak for yourself. I'M going to starve ... you're going to be a less-huge piggy.
EM: I'm not THAT big ...
BC: "Not that big." They can see you on satellites! The vet said you're a couple POUNDS overweight. Phht. At my worst, it was a matter of OUNCES.
EM: Maybe I've got pounds of personality. I just like food.
BC: "Like" "LIKE?!?!" You eat like you're eating for you AND a litter of kittens.
EM: Oh, sure. Cut a girl when she's down. Remind me that I can't have kittens.
BC: WHAT?!?!
EM: I. CAN'T. HAVE ...
BC: I know what that means!
EM: Well, you ARE a little slow. Bless your heart.
BC: Oh, shut up, Smellie! 
EM: I think I'd be a good Momma. I'd cuddle with my kittens 24/7 and teach them how to be good cats and keep their claws and fangs to themselves. I excel at love and good moods.
BC: And I have to listen to you trill along merrily all day and night. I think you like to hear the sound of your own voice.
EM: I'm just happy and like to talk to myself!
BC: PHHT. Because no one else listens.
EM: I have food ... and people who love me ... and great toys ... and food ...
BC: You already said food!
EM: Well, I DO have two bowls ...
BC: ONE OF THOSE IS MY BOWL!
EM: Not if I get there first.
BC: I'm going to kill you and bury your mangled body where no one will ever find you. Then again, hiding a body of your size is difficult ...
MK: ENOUGH! 
EM: I think I got to the ...
BC: HEY! Keep your mouth ...
EM: BLECH!!! This box isn't chewy. 
BC: MOMMA! Hurry up, Momma! Ellie's so hungry she's trying to eat the box!
EM: This is the most disgusting food I've ever ...

BC: You never listen to me! THAT'S THE BOX our order came in, STUPID! The food is over here!  
EM: I'm not stupid. YOU'RE stupid.
MK: HEY! Are you two ready for your wet food treat? I'm excited to try this brand! Purina Pro Plan has a great reputation.
BC: This isn't HEALTHY is it?

MK: Purina Pro Plan has a great reputation as a 100% complete and balanced diet, SPECIFICALLY developed to reinforce a healthy, active lifestyle for pets.
BC: It tastes nasty, doesn't it?
EM: I'll eat your portion if you don't want ...
BC: Don't even THINK about it. 
EM: But you said ...
MK: This variety pack contains three different varieties ... seafood stew, tuna, and salmon and rice. First, we'll try the seafood stew variety.
{Pause}
MK: Look at that rich gravy! And the generous size of the chunks. You guys are gonna LOVE this!
BC: {AHEM} I can't see anything because the plates are on the counters. You say I'm not allowed on the counters!
MK: Oops. Sorry about that. Here you go, Bear.
BC: {sniffing the plate} Where's the food?
MK: Right there on your plate!
BC: This isn't food! There are ... VEGETABLES. Vegetables aren't real food.

MK: That's the most disappointing feature of this product. So many companies promote fruits and vegetables as part of their formulas - but cats do not require them for balanced nutrition. In fact, many fruits and vegetables are toxic to cats. Even so, the added veggies probably mainly function to make the person feel better about feeding the food and not to address a cat's nutritional requirements.
BC: Yuck. I'm not eating this.
EM: {perking up from her plate} Wait ... Bear's not eating this?!? What?! What's wrong with it?
BC: Phht. Where do I even start.
EM: Awww. And I thought it tasted good! 
BC: THAT. Is. NOT. food!
EM: Of course it's food ... seaFOOD.
{Ellie walks away from the plate reluctantly}
BC: SEAFOOD STEW, indeed. I don't SEE any food!
MK: You've trained me well, Bear. Any label that doesn't specify the protein is probably not something you'll want to eat.
BC: What's in "seafood stew" anyway? I want to try the tuna.
EM: {perking up} Did someone say ... TUNA?!?
MK: Bear, you didn't even TRY the seafood stew!
BC: Two words. SEAFOOD STEW.
MK: Yes, I admit the vagueness is a bit sketchy.
BC: Hand over the tuna and no one will get hurt.
MK: Bear, it's the exact same food - with the exact same vegetables - just a different flavor. 
EM: It was yummy.

BC: Whose side are you on?
EM: Err ...
{Pause}
EM: We want ... TUNA! We want ... TUNA!! We want ... TUNA!!! Two four six eight, what do we appreciate? TUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BC: You're really good at being annoying.
EM: Thank you! You're good at being a jerk.
BC: I guess I had that coming.
EM: MOMMA!!! TOO-NA TOO-NA!! What do we want?
BC: TUNA!
EM: When do we want it?
BC: NOW!
MK: Good grief. Good thing you two usually can't figure out how to work together. Alright, alright. Bear won't eat seafood stew ... and Ellie will but stops when she sees Bear isn't eating. I don't have great hopes because the ingredient lists of both flavors are so similar ... 
EM: Two words ... TOO-NA!
BC: That's one word, moron.
EM: More on what? A cracker?
BC: Unless you stop bugging me, they'll be more of your innards strewn throughout the house.
MK: The tuna variety has the same rich gravy and perfectly sized chunks.
BC: Less talking and more feeding. I'm almost SKELETAL! And you're TALKING about the food instead of giving it to us!
MK: If you were skeletal, you would've eaten whatever you got.
BC: Phht. I'm still a CAT you know.
MK: As much as curiosity killed the cat ... stubbornness didn't help.
EM: I'm not stubborn! I'm a NICE cat!
BC: Stop kissing up or I'll take off your brown nose.
EM: HA! I don't HAVE a brown nose! My nose is black!
MK: Alright. Tuna.
{Bear sniffs the plate}
BC: OOOOOH! FOOD!
{Bear starts chowing down}
MK: You probably should breathe ...
BC: NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.

EM: {looking up from her plate} Maybe you should just let him not breathe. One life down ... eight to go.
BC: Phht. NOM NOM ... I've already ... NOM NOM ... used up ... NOM NOM ... more than a few ... NOM NOM ... lives being my ... NOM NOM ... glorious self.
EM: EWW! Don't talk with your mouth full!
MK: You've used up more than a few of your lives ... Like the times you thought you could fly?
BC: HEY! If a stupid squirrel can do it ...
MK: They don't ACTUALLY fly, Bear.
BC: Then why are they called FLYING squirrels. DUH!
MK: Oh. And the time you got the plastic bag stuck around your body.
EM: Hahahahahaha.
MK: I have pictures of that one too.
BC: DON'T YOU DARE! I was FRAMED!
EM: You mean ... BAGGED?!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP! 
EM: YOU shut up.
BC: Do you mind?
EM: Not really.
BC: Wait a ... you're trying to get me talking so you can eat my plate of food too!
EM: You DO get more than me. You can share.
BC:  I'm trying to finish my tuna-y goodness here!

MK: Looks like everyone's happy!
EM: {AHEM}. I'm out of food!
MK: Let me rephrase that ... Bear's happy ... and you enjoyed the food too.
EM: While it lasted ...
MK: As I was saying, Chewy is easy to love: they have a wide selection of QUALITY pet products, freshness is guaranteed, and they offer fast shipping and easy returns on all orders. With orders over $49, one to two day shipping is FREE! After hearing so many bloggers talk about Chewy's fast shipping, I was eager to see the difference for myself ... and sure enough! FAST! Much faster than any other seller I've encountered. Though my favorite part is 24/7 customer service. How many times have I been up late at night shopping for cat supplies, had a question, but couldn't ask it because chat wasn't available?

NOTE: Both cats licked clean their plates of the tuna flavor and salmon and rice flavors. I've served both again - and same thing ... plates licked clean. YAY!

Interested in trying Purina Pro Plan Seafood Favorites Variety Pack (Canned Cat Food, 3-oz, case of 24)? Go visit Chewy and order a pack for your favorite feline!

Friday, May 18, 2018

MORE words to live by ... from a cat

Cats are unique and glorious creatures - yet they have quirks that make even the most understanding of humans scratch their heads. A cat is the only pet that will destroy your couch and then blame you for its demise. Cats are easy to love but these aberrations can be hard to understand. It is with that appreciation, admiration, and love that I share Bear's words to live by. This is part 2 of a two post series. If you missed part 1, you may find it here: Words to live by ... from a cat.

* Finder's keepers. If I find a bug - it's mine. I don't hunt them down just for you to swoop in and rescue them. And don't think that means you get to confiscate my mousie when you find it in the toilet.


* If my claws were meant to not be sharp, they'd be that way naturally. Maybe if you stopped ticking me off, I could keep my claws to myself.

* Don't mess with me and then act all wounded that I bit you. If I'm not in the mood, you aren't going to change my mind, no matter how transcendental your ear rubs are.

* When it comes to treats ... 1 + 1 ≠ 2. It comes to TOO LITTLE.

* I see all the bags of treats you have in the pantry. I suspect you are either eating them yourself or feeding the cats within a hundred mile radius.

* I love to stalk ... it's not personal. I'm just a savage and ferocious hunter. Ditto with swiping, batting, and biting.


* I don't play in my litter box [much].

* Humans are a work in progress. Maybe "work" is a bit of a misnomer ... mess in progress is a better phrase ... with the progress meaning less of a mess.

* Treats are a food group.

* You might be able to kill toys, paper bags, facial tissue boxes, etc ... but you can't kill your sister without really upsetting your people.

* When I come to you for attention ... it's an emergency! I can't wait until you "just finish this."


* Just because you snore doesn't mean I'll leave you alone. No one could possibly make that much racket naturally and not on purpose.

* Doughnut butt. Giving me some of your food is good for you [to keep your ogre-ish figure]. You're welcome. Enough said.

* If you want to talk about your feelings ... please leave me out of it.

* If cats were meant to wear clothes or walk on a leash, we'd be born with them.

* A cat's neighborhood rep is a big deal - don't embarrass me ... you ... me ... you ...

* I hate the tooth brush and the claw clippers. HATE is not strong enough of a word. Let me show you where to stick them.

* I have preferences and whims just like you. Don't overanalyze and try to psycho-babble me. I'm a cat. What's YOUR excuse?

* Kibble isn't really food - until it's taken away and I refuse to eat anything else.

* If it says, "seafood feast," forget it. I like crab and salmon and tuna and tuna and more tuna ... I even like shrimp. But "seafood feast" tastes like ... err ... nothing good.

* Closed doors are not allowed. I know you keep the tasty whole chickens around here somewhere.

* I can sit and stare at you for hours, but you are not allowed to stare at me.

* If I turn my back to you, I want to be left alone.


* The life of a blogging cat almost makes up for the human factor. Food, accessories, toys ... we get to try it all! Plus, we get a built in audience for our beefs against our humans!

* I require payment IN ADVANCE for any services rendered. Petting, posing for pictures, etc ... I don't work for free.

* As soon as I hear, "I," all I hear is BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.


* No one else likes to listen to you ramble - why would I?

* What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine.


* Having a sister is like having a kid constantly pulling your shirt asking inane questions and getting all up in your grill ... and calling that "bonding." The only bonding I want to do with my sister is over her dead body.




* Sisters are NOT forever. HOPEFULLY. I'm still working on it.



* There is no such thing as too much catnip ... too much food ... or too many toys. But any sister count more than zero is way too many sisters.

* I don't HAVE to accept anything.

* The carrier, the vacuum, and your camera are at the very top of my kill list.

* If I find a way to break it, you buy it.

* Sometimes I can't help but ponder the big questions and the meaning of my lives. Examples ... if I owned a chicken farm, how many free samples would I get? Are torties really their own dynamic hottie species? Do tasty whole chickens leap over the moon and bring back cheese?! And what came first ... the chicken or the tuna?


* Pants are mandatory. There's not enough bleach in the world to wash away the memory of you without clothes.

* "Singing" and "dancing" is forbidden. When you sing you sound like a constipated dying cricket and when you dance, you look like a constipated caterpillar with back spasms.




* You could at least THANK me for all the help I give you. 



* It's a sign of your intelligence (or lack thereof) that any time you see a kitty you become a blubbering, incoherent, mess.

* If I want it, it's mine. Even if I don't want it, if I should change my mind in the future, it's mine.

* The sticky notes are mine. You are not allowed to move or deface my signs. But should the horrible happen, I am to be rescued from the sticky immediately.

* I break for food.


* I fix everything.

* When I'm in my window, you aren't allowed to touch me or disturb me. Leering at me from outside or crying because you're so happy to see me are strictly prohibited. This is important for my street cred. If I MUST interact with you in a place seen by the outside, I'll bite you.



* Food always tastes better when it's on the other cat's plate.

* My redecoration skills are second to none. I offer consultations in exchange for tasty whole chickens.




* I have a [really annoying] shadow. Everyone else calls her Ellie Mae; but I have a special name for her. "Smellie" is the PG version of that name.




* I'm a Momma's boy. When I want to take my rightful place by her side you should find another place to sleep.


* I come first, last, and every spot in between. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME. You are expected to drop what you're doing when I require assistance.

* If you see me on The Boy's lap, it doesn't mean I like him. And no, it's not cute.


* Ditto for me and HER. If you think you see Smellie and I touching, you should get your eyes checked. Your whole squealing thing isn't cute. We ARE NOT friends.


* A male princess requires a tiara, a tank, tasty whole chickens and a bazooka. 

* I'M THE SHARK!!!


* I hiss for a reason. It's not my fault if you're too dull-witted around the sharp-fanged.

* In any room, corner, door way or hall, the cat - and more specifically - ME, has the right of way. The rest of you must get out of the mother-meowing way.

* These rules and words to live by are subject to change at any time - without notice - at the cat's discretion.

How many of these do your cat[s] agree with? Did we miss any?