Friday, March 16, 2018

Forking Bear

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

EM: Whatever.
BC: This isn't the worst pain you've felt in your life?

EM: Not really.
BC: Am I losing my bite?
EM: Imagine if Momma NEVER brushed you teeth! You wouldn't have any left!
BC: Don't remind me. GENETICS! You win some, you lose some. I might be a handsome stripe-y pants thanks to genetics ... but being this awesome can be a curse.
EM: Oh, brother.
BC: At least she brushes your teeth too ... spread the pain around a little bit.
EM: Hey! If it weren't for you, Momma would've never thought to brush my teeth! I have to put up with it only because you do! Maybe your shark is broken.
BC: {trying a new angle} How about now?! 
EM: Ooh! Hehehehehe. That kind of tickles!
BC: TICKLES?!?! WOMEN! Tough nuts to crack ... I'm going to show you my signature move ...
{Pause as Bear performs his signature move}
BC: Do you want to cry for a monkey's uncle?
EM: Leave my Daddy out of this!
BC: Are you feeling PAIN?!

EM: Nah. I'm not like you ... I don't stub my toe and cry for my Momma, meanwhile threatening and cursing out the wall.
BC: That only happened once!
BC: Err ... this week.
EM: Face it, you're a sissy. 
BC: Oh, yeah? Would a sissy do this ...
{Bear lunges at Ellie again}

EM: Yeah, a sissy kinda would do that. If one's a sissy, he tries to compensate for the size of his ... err ... litter box.
BC: If you're Miss Know-it-all, why would I compensate when I have an extra-jumbo-sized litter box?
EM: {sigh} Talk about obtuse.
BC: Thank you.
EM: What?! That wasn't a ...
BC: I've worked hard over the years to become abstruse to a degree befitting a cat.
EM: OB ... oh, never mind! {under her breath} Now I understand why Momma ends up in the closet after conversing with Bear!
BC: {back to threatening Ellie} Take this! And that!!! 
BC: {huffing and puffing} I'm out of breath!
EM: Whatever. Wouldn't it be funny if you had a heart attack?
BC: Let me tell you ... hearts are no match for Bear Cat Kat. I don't care. No heart is ever going to attack me and get away with it.
EM: That doesn't hurt.
BC: {changing spots quickly} How about this?
EM: Whatever. 
BC: What the mother-fanger is going on!?!?
EM: Maybe you're just not scary anymore.
EM: Or should I say, "not scary, except in appearance."
BC: My Momma says I'm adorable!
EM: Adorable ... for a shark. 
EM: You believe her?! {snickering} Bless your heart! I have a bridge to sell you!
BC: What would I need a bridge for?
EM: I'll even give it to you for free!
BC: As I was saying ... I don't really NEED a bridge ... but if it's free ... 
BC: WAIT! How did YOU get a bridge? {narrowing his eyes and whispering} You STOLE it!
EM: You can't steal a BRIDGE! E-bay.
BC: WHAT?!? Momma lets you use her account? I've been watching her really carefully for years in the hope that one day she slips and writes down her password!
EM: I suppose you could sell your autographs on there.
BC: Do they have tasty whole chicken farms on there?
EM: Sure, I was bidding on one last week.
BC: Wait, wait, WAIT!!! Were you buying the tasty whole chicken farm for me?
EM: No.
BC: This is just WRONG! You steal my ideas and my tasty whole chicken farm! As if stealing my Momma wasn't bad enough! Then you get a sparkly pink princess bazooka and a bridge!

EM: I'm Momma's precious princess!
BC: HEY! I'm MALE Princess Buttercup ...
EM: But Momma doesn't call you HER princess.
BC: RATS! This is a HORRIBLE day! Now where was I?
EM: Trying to hurt me.
BC: Not trying anymore, peaches. HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!
{Pause as Bear tries again}
BC: Nothing?
EM: Nope. Like I said, maybe your shark is broken.
BC: That can't be it ...
BC: Wait a ... Momma showed you her trick!
EM: Trick?
BC: I'm not stupid! Momma told you to pretend it didn't hurt so I'd be de-moralized and leave you alone. She tries to pull that one ALL. THE. TIME. Most of the time she's pretty good at it too.
EM: Would that really work? That's actually really smart. Hahaha. How do you make a cat stop what he shouldn't be doing? PRETEND IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
BC: That's not what you're doing?
EM: No.
BC: &@^%! This isn't my #$&@! day! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!
{Bear attacks Ellie again}
BC: How about now!?
BC: I'm just giving you a hug!

EM: If you're giving me a hug, I'm a monkey's uncle!
EM: What?!
BC: You should be screaming in defeat! I'm calling your uncle for you.
EM: No, see ...
BC: I KNEW IT! Your Smellie-ness comes from your monkey-ness! You're not a Smellie Neigh ... you're a Smellie Cliche!
EM: GET. OFF. ME. or I'll fort you!
BC: Oh, yeah? Well, FORK YOU too!
EM: Not fork ... for ...
BC: I didn't do it! It's all Smellie's fault!
EM: Un uh! I don't even know what's wrong!
MK: Bear, you didn't attack the couch? Because there are two more holes in it now!
BC: Err ... NO ...

MK: So who did?
BC: Well, see, YOU said that you didn't want to hear about me attacking the couch again, so I was just trying to keep you from hearing about it when I attacked the couch this time.
MK: How kind of you.
BC: Don't say I don't give you anything! 
MK: {mumbling under her breath} Yeah. A headache!
BC: You're welcome. But while we're on the topic ... you keep track of how many holes are in the couch?! You have nothing better to do than count every tiny hole?!? On a REGULAR basis?
EM: She has better things to do! She could pet me! I love when she holds me and I get to bunt her face!
EM: Or she can feed me ...
BC: You need to be fed more like Momma needs more doughnuts!
MK: {changing the subject} What were you two doing? It seems like I interrupted something.
BC: Nothing!
MK: Why do I doubt that?
EM: Bear was being mean!
BC: You started it!
EM: Did not!
BC: Did SO!
EM: That's IT! I'm going to FORT you! HAHA!

BC: I fork YOU!
EM: I fork you too!
BC: I fork you more!
EM: I fork you most!

BC: You know, I'm not one to take a forking sitting down. Prepare to die.
BC: I want to be a mother-forker! Hahahahaha. My fangs are kind of like forks, right? Some forks have four tines ... like I have four fangs.
{Bear goes up to Momma and bites her}

MK: OWW! That hurts like a mother-fu ...
BC: HA! I've still got the fork. May the fork be with me.
MK: What was THAT for?
BC: Ellie and I are forking!

MK: Not with real forks, you're NOT! Put that ...

BC: That's IT! I've had enough of this disrespect!
EM: BRING it, mother-forker!
BC: Prepare for me to put a fork in you ... you're done!
EM: Oh, yeah?!?
{Ellie whacks Bear in the head with the fork}

MK: Ellie!
BC: Let me show you where to stick that fork!
MK: BEAR! Knock it off, you forkers!
BC: Ellie started it! She said she was forking me!
BC: Well, why didn't you say that BEFORE?!? You have gas? I knew I smelled something a little off. You can take something for that you know!
BC: {whispering} Isn't that {looking around} illegal?
EM: I don't think so ...
BC: {whispering} What are you forging? Please tell me it's a deed on a tasty whole chicken farm!
EM: Does EVERYTHING have to be about you or tasty whole chicken farms?
BC: Phht. And you claim to be SMART. Took you long enough to figure it out. WOMEN!
EM: Oh, yeah?!? You keep mis-hearing me because you're not really listening! MEN! You tune us out and then get mad when you miss stuff.
BC: You DO have gas, don't you?
EM: {sigh} NO! That's FARTING. I built a fort to keep you out.
BC: You built a fort on my spaceship?
EM: Aggravated that you didn't think of it first?

BC: Phht. No.
BC: {sigh} Maybe a little bit. {GASP} You even have a princess flag on your fort! This is the most painful forting EVER!
The Boy: What the FORK is going on out there?! I'm trying to work!

BC: What does he care that we fork?
EM: {whispering} I don't think he used the word fork ...
BC: Yeah. Probably not. Do you smell that?
EM: You're hopeless.
BC: You would be too if your Momma brought in a boy and a sister! I'm SCREWED!
EM: {under her breath} NOT what I meant ... 

Featured posts:

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

HOW MUCH for Bear's paw-tograph?!

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae

{Momma walks into the room to find Bear asleep on the bed}
MK: He's so adorable ...

BC: {under his breath} OBVIOUSLY ...
MK: ... when he's asleep.
BC: HEY! You're a %@$# too, when you're awake!
MK: Hi, Bear! I guess you're awake after all.
BC: No. And no.
BC: No.
MK: PRETTY please?
BC: Leave my appearance out of this.
MK: Pretty, pretty please?
BC: Pretty, pretty NO! 
MK: Bear ...
BC: Go find Ellie. She's a total suck-up and will let you pet her and manhandle her any time you want. I don't judge, but that girl is missing a couple marbles ...
MK: But I want to pet you! I need kitty lovings!
BC: It's about time she picked up the slack around here! What's the point of having a sister if she doesn't reduce the amount of human stupidity I have to put up with?
MK: But ... I love you!
BC: Phht. Didn't stop you from dragging a sister in here. Maybe you should've thought of THAT before you brought a shabby example of a cat inside! She doesn't even bite you! Now SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

EM: Because I'm a NICE cat!
BC: Oh, great! The peanut gallery showed up. Now I'll NEVER get a nap! 
EM: I'm a NICE cat!
BC: "Nice" is ONE word to describe you. There are others!
EM: You can pet me, Momma!
BC: SEE!?! Go where you're wanted! I'm sound asleep!
MK: Oh, yeah?! You have conversations while sound asleep?
BC: RAT ... ARG!
{Light snoring is heard ...}.
EM: I love you, Momma! You're the best Momma ever!
BC: BARF! Smellie want a cracker?
MK: Bear, that's not ...
EM: I thought you were sound asleep!
BC: Why does she climb on your shoulder like that? It's like she's a parrot!

EM: The only bird-brain around here is YOU, Bear! You don't see me mocking YOUR pecul ...
MK: {looking around the room} BEAR!
BC: You love me, remember?
MK: What the HELL is this mess?!

BC: I was practicing my autograph.
MK: Umm ... WHY?!?
BC: Because I'll be a star any day now. I want to be prepared. I don't want to let my public down.
MK: You don't have a public, Bear. 
BC: Well, just RUB it in, why don't you?!?!
EM: An autograph with a paw? Does that make it a paw-tograph?
{Bear gives Ellie a withering look}
MK: Is this why you were running around like a crazy-pants earlier?
BC: One of the sticky-notes STUCK to me! I thought I was going to die! My entire nine lives flashed before my eyes!
EM: It was pretty funny! Hehehehehe. Talk about drama. 
BC: Stop laughing at me!
EM: {looking at Bear's work} These are just scribbles!

BC: HEY! Stay away from those!
EM: What are you going to do? Sit on me?
BC: Don't be ridiculous ... you're fatter than I am - it wouldn't hurt you. You'd just roll over and cat-cake me.
BC: And Smellie Neigh is back again. Hay, hay, hay ...
EM: I really hate when you call me that!
BC: Well, I really hate that you always butt your nose into my business!
EM: Maybe you shouldn't spread your business all up in everyone's face!

BC: HEY! Get off those! I worked really hard on them! You're going to pay for ruining them!
EM: {batting at one of the crumpled pieces of paper} Oooh! A toy! This is the best toy EVER!
BC: You really need to adjust your standards, Ellie.
EM: Shut up!  I'M not the problem around here!

EM: {getting up} How rude!
BC: Yeah! That's right! RUN!

MK: Bear?! I thought I told you to stay away from the sticky notes!
BC: But this is important!
MK: And my pens? Let me guess ... these are the two from my desk that I've been looking all over for??
BC: Well, you're not ENTIRELY stupid. Congratulations!  Though you can hardly blame me when you handle your pens negligently.
MK: {sigh} Great.
BC: This would also be the time for you to start my fan club!
MK: You ...
BC: I think my tortie roadies should be the first members of my fan club.
EM: Don't trip over your ego. It's surely bigger than your balls.
BC: WHAT?!?! Leave my balls out of this! You like to play with balls ... I have some ... that's the only connection.
EM: Well, technically, since you don't play with them and I do, they're mine.
BC: It'll cost you.
EM: What?!
BC: Your half of the wet food treat for the next TWO we ... no, MONTHS! You won't even miss it.
MK: Bear, you're NOT going to take advantage of your sister!
BC: Where's the fun in THAT?!? Isn't that why I HAVE a sister anyway?
MK: {changing the subject} Bear, your torties aren't roadies. Roadies follow a touring individual or group. You can't even behave on the short trip to the vet!
BC: Phht. VIRTUAL roadies.
MK: What?
BC: Virtual reality stuff is popular right now ... so they're virtual roadies.
MK: That doesn't make any sense. All the elements of a "roadie" don't apply here.
BC: Ummm ... can you say, "virtual."
MK: Bear, these are just scribbles!
BC: You don't see me knocking your art!
MK: Bear ...
BC: I'll be rich and I'll FINALLY have the money to buy a tasty whole chicken farm.

MK: You're going to CHARGE for these scribbles?
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Though my roadies will get one for free. A TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR value! You can't say I don't take care of my torties.
EM: You couldn't pay me enough to join your fan club!
BC: GOOD! Because you aren't allowed to join!
MK: Bear, most cats don't have money to pay for your autograph. Especially TWO HUNDRED dollars!
BC: Phht. We're resourceful. {looking over his work} I also take payment in the form of tasty whole chickens, pens, tuna, tortie favors ...

BC: What?!
BC: I heard you the first time!
MK: No tortie favors for you. Bear, no one is going to pay ...
BC: Stupid people are born every day! I mean, just when I thought YOU were the height of stupidity, The Boy came along. {looking at his work} Hmmm ... this one isn't bad!

EM: My Daddy isn't stupid! He's the best Daddy, EVER!
BC: Phht. Have you not heard him telling Momma how fat you are?!? And that Momma should stop giving you a wet food treat?
EM: Err ...
EM: That's not very nice ...
BC: Can you blame me? You interrupted my nap!
MK: You were pretending to be asleep.
BC: WAIT! NO! Don't go! Don't you want to be the first donation to the "Bear is homeless and food-bowl-less" fund?

EM: WHAT?!?! That's NOT your food bowl? OKAY!
BC: Err ... now just wait a minute ...
EM: {eating from the bowl of food} I think the kibble in this bowl tastes better than my bowl ...
BC: RATS! You're going to have to edit out the food bowl in the background!
MK: Lying isn't the way to make money.
BC: Phht. That's why you don't have any! Now take a good picture showing my emaciation!
EM: You're emaciated ... for a hippo. There's a reason Momma calls it "Bear's big belly!"
BC: HEY! Come on, Momma! What would say if I offered you pre-authorized petting time with a donation? Can I count on you for my first two hundred?
MK: I thought you wanted to sleep.
BC: Well, I can be persuaded ... but only if you buy my autograph for two hundred dollars!
MK: Talk about a shake-down!
BC: I thought you wanted kitty lovings! All for the bargain price of two hundred dollars! Look at the quality! Look at the artfulness! These are genuine, one-of-a-kind, pieces of wonderful awesomeness!

MK: No, thank you!
BC: Wait! Wait! I get it. You just want the milk for free! Sure. Why buy the cow when you're already getting the milk for free?! NO MORE!
EM: I don't mind giving the milk away for free. I mean, she DOES feed us and give us tons of toys and love.
BC: What's love got to do with it? Love doesn't fill the belly! We're ... err ... I'M starving! I don't have a tasty whole chicken farm or heavy artillery or anything! AND I have to put up with all the dweebl-ing around here!
MK: Come here, Love Bug!
BC: NO! That will cost you two hundred dollars!
MK: {walking away} Never mind.
BC: Wait! Wait! One-fifty? Do I hear one-fifty?!?
MK: Nope.
BC: I'm insulted! I'm worth way more than a measly one hundred and fifty dollars!
EM: Especially if you pay by the pound!
BC: Who asked you?!?!? One twenty-five! And that's my final ...
MK: No.
BC: {looking over his work} So much time ... and effort ... I've been SCREWED!

MK: And whose supplies did you use? You think I'm going to pay to get my own supplies back?
{Momma turns to walk away}
BC: WAIT! WAIT! You drive a hard bargain, Momma! We can make a deal! 
MK: Why?
BC: Well, I mean ... my ears feel kind of lonely and might want some loving ... my belly ... my chin ... just pay me so we can put this whole thing behind us.
MK: No.
BC: &^%@! I'll NEVER get my tasty whole chicken farm!
MK: But you'll always have love ...
BC: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love doesn't taste like tasty whole chickens.
BC: Though it IS better than nothing ... I mean ...
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: Don't push it! You're treading on very thin ice!
EM: You can't tread on ice, stupid!
BC: Pet me now or I quit!
MK: Momma gets the cuddles after all!
BC: Phht. Don't rub it in. Or you'll be petting the shark. I'm doing this for ME ... not you.
MK: {sigh} Sometimes love hurts.
BC: Not if you very carefully follow my instructions!

Featured posts:

Friday, March 9, 2018

Canasta la vista!

The Boy: Momma's fiance
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

The Boy: We got another package!?!? Please tell me it's not more cat stuff!
BC: Did you say .... CAT STUFF?!?! Too much cat stuff. Phht. No such thing. What's in the package, Momma? Tasty whole chickens?! Tuna treats?! A cat hammock? 
The Boy: Cat hammock?! Is that a euphemism for something? You know, a banana hammock is a ...
BC: Leave my phemism out of this! What's wrong with you? Insinuating we have too much cat stuff?!? Insulting my phemism ... you, sir, should be ashamed of yourself.
The Boy: Oh, for ...
BC: Maybe it's a CAT blaster machine?
MK: A who-a what-a?
BC: That machine that uses x-rays to zap cross-sections of cat.
MK: A CAT scan?!
BC: Yeah. Whatever. That thing you use to murder cats.
MK: It's not just for cats. 
BC: Well, color me pink! I can zap The Boy AND Ellie!
MK: Bear, it doesn't zap or kill things with x-rays - it creates many pictures of the body.
BC: {ignoring Momma completely} Because I've had just about enough of Smellie! ELLIE!!!! I have a PRESENT for you! Canasta la vista!
MK: Canasta?!? You mean, "hasta" ...
{The sound of an engine revs up}
BC: What the?!?! Kids these days! Those stupid kids are always out there making noise! Trying to scare a cute, little kitty cat ...
{Pause as he sees Ellie drive into the room}

BC: {GASP} WHAT THE &!^$!!! That's MY spaceship!
EM: Not anymore.
BC: I can't believe ... of all the ... WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!?! She's even got a racing stripe!
EM: You have a racing stripe down your back!
BC: Yeah! But YOURS is lavendar! And I EARNED my stripe! You have the Princess Bazooka on your sports-car too!!! I want a ride! I want a ride!
EM: No.
BC: Momma!!!! Ellie turned my spaceship into a sports-car and she won't let me take a ride in it!
MK: Bear, you pimped out the ride various different ways for two weeks. It's Ellie's turn.

BC: Why would Smellie get a turn? It's MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!! I want a ... I didn't think of ... IT'S UNFAIR!!!
{Momma opens the package}

BC: {sticking his nose in the envelope as Momma pulls out the contents} OOOH! Is that for me?!? Are there tasty whole chicken in there?!
MK: LOOK! A koala!

BC: Tasty whole koala? I've never had koala before.
MK: No ...
BC: Does koala taste like chicken?! Because that would be ...
MK: BEAR! It's not that kind of koala!
BC: Well, EXCUSE ME if I don't understand the difference between the food and non-food designation of another country's native species!
EM: Koala?! YUM!

BC: HEY! Back away! The tasty whole koala is mine!

MK: NO! It's a stuffed koala!
BC: WHAT!!?!? They took all the good stuff out of the koala before they sent it to us?!? How rude!

MK: Let's see what else ... 

BC: Hey there, Gorgeous Gingerness!
MK: Look at the view in that picture!
BC: Takes my breath away!
MK: Me too.
BC: I'm not sharing.
MK: The picture?
BC: The cat!
MK: I was talking about the scenic shot!
BC: So am I!
MK: NO! The scene of Sydney!
BC: Her name is MOOSHKA, not SYDNEY!

BC: Now if you don't mind ... it's time to have a moment with Her Gorgeous Gingerness!
The Boy: Look at that! He's TOTALLY checking her out! 
MK: You have to admit ... he has good taste.
EM: Well, except when he licks my butt.
The Boy: He's IN LOVE with Mooshka!
BC: I'm reading the articles!

The Boy: There aren't any articles, Bear. Just pictures.
BC: A HUMAN would think that. When you're a cat, reading the articles means sniffing things out thoroughly.
EM: It looks like you're rubbing noses with her pic ...

BC: SHHH!!! Can't you see we're having a moment?
EM: Bear and Mooshka, sitting in a tree ... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

EM: Not really. A cat is a ...
EM: Hubba hubba!

BC: HEY! Watch what you say! Mooshka's a lady! I know you wouldn't understand what that means ... but have some respect!
MK: Treats! {looking at the package} Kangaroo treats.
BC: I've heard of a kangaroo court ... but kangaroo ... {sniffing something new} wait a ... did you say ... TREATS?!?!

MK: Mooshka and her Mom sent you a couple bags of treats!
BC: Oh, great! The garbage disposal just showed up! Back off! The treats are from my friend ... they're mine!

MK: Bear, it says you're supposed to share with Ellie.
MK: Bear, you hardly ever eat any exotic meats. 
BC: Phht. Cats are obligate carnivores ... we're not going to eat ex-meat.
MK: No. EXOTIC ... oh, never mind. I was just getting at that you might not like these.
{Momma dumps out a few treats for each cat ... they eat them happily}

The Boy: Look at that! He's inhaling them!
BC: {stopping for a minute} I'll have you know that I don't inhale!
The Boy: It's just a saying!
BC: I don't care if it's a verb! It's not accurate!
{Bear goes back to the treats and finishes them}

The Boy: As if the two of you aren't fat enough!
BC: Get him, Momma!
The Boy: WHAT!? WHY?!?
BC: Are you going to let him call you and Ellie fat?

The Boy: That's not what I ...
BC: {ignoring The Boy} These are pretty cool presents! THANK YOU, MOOSHKA AND MOM!!!

MK: You and Ellie are VERY lucky kitties!
BC: Whatever. Mooshka's all kinds of hot!
EM: But she's not a tortie!
BC: Did I ask you?
EM: Not really.
BC: Then SHUT UP!!

EM: Don't tell me to shut up! I'll show you ...
BC: Phht. What are you going to do, sit on me?
EM: Don't tempt me!
BC: That's it! I've had enough ...

EM: Gas?!
BC: Won't help you.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: You think you can derail my plans with the threat of gassing me. Otherwise known as farting in my face. AGAIN.
EM: Maybe if you stopped licking my butt, you wouldn't be in the vicinity when I have to ... err ... 
BC: You make it sound like licking butts is a symptom of degeneracy. Might I remind you that our mothers licked OUR butts.
EM: Leave my mother out of this.
BC: Can't you see I'm busy?
EM: No. You're just sitting there.
BC: EXACTLY! I'm getting ready to rumble!
EM: Have gas again?
BC: What?
EM: Do you have gas again?
BC: No, I don't have ...
EM: Got a little rumbly in the tumbly?
BC: No. I don't have gas! Take a hint from your name: Smellie Neigh!
EM: Then why are you ready to rumble? Gonna barf? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Bear's about to blow!!!
BC: You act like all I do is fart and barf!
EM: Well ... I guess to be completely fair, you also poop, sleep, and bite.
BC: I'm taking on the world.
EM: Huh?
BC: The world has it coming.
EM: I'm going to regret this ... but why does the world have it coming?
BC: Just today, my spaceship was stolen and misappropriated. Then I had to share MY present with YOU. And that's just TODAY! If we're talking every other day ... I'm devoid of a tasty whole chicken farm, I'm bazooka-less, everyone is mean to me, I have to put up with you and The Boy, I don't get unlimited wet food, my torties and lady gingers live far away, I can't figure out for the life of me what kind of baker makes a crab cake ... I don't have a tasty whole chicken farm ...

EM: You already said that!
BC: That's how traumatic it is!
EM: Maybe you should've said, "Get ready to grumble!" Hahahaha.
BC: That's fine! Just brutally mock my pain! I dare you to walk a mile on my paws!
EM: You're a pain to everyone else! If you're not biting, you're being all grumpy.
BC: Whatever.
BC: {under his breath} I'm NOT grumpy! That's just what I was talking about!  LIES!
EM: Get ready to MUMBLE! Holy cow! A lot of REAL words rhyme with "rumble!"
BC: Now if you'll excuse me ... Get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuumble!
EM: If it's you, it's probably more accurate to say, "Get ready to fumble!" Hahahahaha. Nothing turns out the way you plan.
BC: Shut up, Smellie!
EM: Bear Cat Kat - voted Most Likely to Bumble! You know, blunder ... stumble ... unsteady ...
BC: I have no idea WHAT you're talking about!
EM: Momma always says that you're like a train - speeding toward your goal without seeing that things won't end up as you plan. You just go full steam ahead and dismiss everything else. Instead, we end up with a Bear-sized hole in the wall.
BC: I'm REALLY tired of you mocking my weight! ESPECIALLY since you're even fatter than I am!

EM: Am not!
BC: Are too!
BC: Phht. Smellie Neigh - voted Most Likely to Dumb-le!
EM: That's not even a word! To make fun of me, you have to make up words!
BC: You're smelly.
EM: That's getting really old. 
BC: HEY! I'm the boss around here! Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest to be exact!
EM: No one ever claimed you're humble. The one thing Bear won't do? Get ready to be humble.
BC: I'll humble you! ARG!
EM: Get ready to tumble! 

{The cats wrestle around}
EM: I'm going to make you crumble!
{The cats continue to go at it}
BC: And Ellie stumbles! WOOT WOOT!

EM: NEVER! I won't let you ...
EM: I hate you MORE!
MK: {Seeing the cat fight} BEAR!

BC: WHAT?!? I'm just giving Ellie a hug!
EM: And you say I'LL sit on people! GET OFF ME! Or you'll be sorry!
BC: Who's laughing NOW, Dumb-le?!?!
EM: HMPH. I'm going to go sit in my sports-car. BOO-YAH!

BC: RATS! Why didn't I think of that?
EM: Phht. YOU?!? THINK?!?!
BC: If that bazooka wasn't pointing at me, you'd be in trouble.

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