Monday, January 30, 2017

Don't embed on me

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Don't embed on me {The flea party, part 2}:
BC: Hear ye! Hear ye! In the name of King Bear Cat, I announce my declaration of independence from the usurper of power and expert in tyranny ... my Momma.
MK: Umm, Bear?
BC: WHAT?!?!
MK: Don't you find it odd that you replace one tyranny with another? I mean, a king means a monarchy ... which is essentially tyranny. From Merriam-Webster ... "tyranny: a government in which absolute power is vested in a single ruler."  
BC: From the same ... "tyranny: oppressive power."
MK: So you replace my "tyranny" with your own.
BC: I'm a cat! Oppressive power is just what we do! It's our kitty god-given right! That's why we were given claws and fangs! Have proper respect!
MK: I thought you were Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest.
BC: MALE Princess. But yes. If I can be a MALE PRINCESS, I can be a male princess AND a king at the same time.
MK: That seems awfully ... err ... OPPRESSIVE to take two positions in a monarchy.
BC: Did you miss, "I'm a cat! Oppressive power is just what we do?"
MK: {sigh} Okay. So you're not really declaring independence ... you're replacing absolute power with absolute power.
BC: NOW you understand! May I continue?
MK: I thought you were the king. Why are you asking me?
BC: RATS! 
{Pause}
BC: The unanimous Declaration of the one magnificent and superb cat in this house ...
MK: Hahaha. How do you NOT have a unanimous declaration when there's only one cat? Unless you're considering the thirteen united states of cat ... like 13 distinct personalities ... all in one cat ...
{Pause}
MK: The lover ...





MK: the biter ...



MK: the nut ...


MK: the scared-y cat ...



MK: Mr. Tough Pants ...


MK: the intense player ...




MK: the indignant heckler ...




MK: the defiant boy ...





MK: the unrepentant trouble-maker ...


MK: the destroyer ...



MK: the cutie ...





MK: the zen master ...



MK: and the fixer. 


BC: {AHEM!}
MK: Sorry.
BC: When in the course of feline events ...
MK: Feline events ... Butt licking, attacking the toaster ... hiding under the bed ...
BC: If you keep HECKLING me, we're never going to get through this.
MK: Sorry.
BC: The unanimous Declaration of the one magnificent and superb cat in Bear Cat's house. When in the course of feline events  it becomes necessary for a cat to dissolve the political bands which have connected his superhuman intelligence with a human being (human being by definition not as intelligent as the cat), and to assume among the powers of his claws and fangs, the separate and superior station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle him. A lack of respect of the opinions of mankind, they of lesser intelligence, ensures that he has no need to declare the causes which impel him to the separation.
{Pause}
BC: He holds these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, though they be clearly inferior to felininity, that a feline is endowed by his Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Dominance, Nine Lives, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (otherwise known as tasty whole chickens, tuna fish, the red dot, and sun puddles ... among other things based on the cat's whims). --That to secure these rights, claws and fangs are instituted among cats, deriving their just powers without the consent of the inferior,  --That whenever any Form of humanity becomes disagreeable to the Cat, it is the Right of the Cat to alter or to abolish it, and to institute his claws and fangs, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to him shall seem most likely to effect his Safety (from derisive kitchen appliances, the vacuum, aliens, the vet, and any other things persecuting the feline) and Happiness (namely: a tasty whole chicken farm). The superiority of felininity dictates that tyrannies long established may be changed for seemingly (to humanity) light and transient causes (humanity not being able to reason on a level sufficient to understand otherwise); and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that catkind is more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right itself by abolishing the forms to which it is accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce it under absolute Despotism, it is his right, it is his duty, to throw off such tyranny, and to provide new Guards, in the form of his fangs and claws, for his future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of this feline; and such is now the necessity which constrains him to effect his claws and fangs. The history of the present Momma is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over this cat. 
{Silence}
BC: Capiche? 
MK: "A lack of respect of the opinions of mankind, they of lesser intelligence, ensures that he has no need to declare the causes which impel him to the separation."
BC: Yes.
MK: Can you share a few?
BC: I have no need to.
MK: May I guess?
BC: If you want to admit the ways of your tyranny.
MK: I love how you make a document about human EQUALITY about feline superiority. 
BC: Well, as I said, "all men are created equal, though they be clearly inferior to felininity." May I finish now?
MK: You're asking the opinion of your tyrant?
BC: RATS! "The superiority of felininity dictates that tyrannies long established may be changed for seemingly (to humanity) light and transient causes (humanity not being able to reason on a level sufficient to understand otherwise); and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that catkind is more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right itself by abolishing the forms to which it is accustomed."
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I, therefore, the one magnificent and superb cat in Bear Cat's house, appeal to my own Supreme Judgment for the rectitude of my intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Feline of Bear Cat's house, solemnly publish and declare, That this feline is, and of Right ought to a Free and Independent cat; that he is Absolved from all Allegiance to his Momma, and that all political connection between him and the tyranny of his Momma, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that a Free and Independent Cat, he has full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, buy a tasty whole chicken farm, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Cat may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of his claws and fangs, he pledges his Nine Lives, his Fortune and his Honor ... but not any tasty whole chickens or tunas which he might find within his possession.
MK: Umm ... okay.
BC: And it is with that that I introduce the symbol of my flea party against tyranny ... TADA!


MK: Ummm ...
BC: I require my independence.

MK: If I remember correctly, there is only one biter in this house. In fact, I believe I had some fangs embedded in my arm earlier today.
BC: But I wasn't blood-sucking all your fun!
MK: No. I was sleeping with my head on your back ... completely peacefully and you just randomly attacked my arm. That's a little blood-sucking of my peace.

BC: You DROOLED on me!
MK: You SNEEZED on me with a mouth full of poultry flavored cat toothpaste! TWICE.
BC: "That whenever any Form of humanity becomes disagreeable to the Cat, it is the Right of the Cat to alter or to abolish it, and to institute his claws and fangs ..."
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIII!

MK: Hi.
BC: {AHEM}.
MK: {sigh} Speaking of the thirteen united states of cat ...
BC: {AHHHHHHHEM!}.
{Momma reaches out and pulls Bear into her arms}.

BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... I love you, Momma.
MK: I love you too, Love Bug.
BC: I don't REALLY want to be absolved from all allegiance to my Momma.
MK: I know, Bug.
BC: I just have to express my Cat sometimes. Otherwise it gets all clogged up inside.
MK: Nap-time cuddles?
BC: As a Free and Independent Cat, I have full Power to conclude Peace and contract Alliances.
MK: Yes.
BC: I'd love to.

Featured posts of the day:

If you're a little rusty on the original Declaration, and wish to compare Bear's version to the original ... from Declaration of Independence: A Transcription:
In Congress, July 4, 1776.The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.