Sunday, July 31, 2016

Sunday Selfie #9

I know I'm handsome. So joining The Cat on My Head's Sunday Selfies blog hop is a no brainer! This week, I got some new pieces of paper bag to play with and I had fun running through the pieces and ripping them up. After viewing my pictures, you're MORE than welcome to express your appreciation of this fine feline specimen with tasty whole chickens ... my Momma will give you the address (just tell her you're sending me socks!). ~Bear Cat
ps - You can see our previous Sunday Selfie posts here: #1#2#3#4,  #4.5#5#6, #7, and #8












Saturday, July 30, 2016

Momma's revenge

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


If you missed yesterday's post on Momma shaming (part 1), you can find it here: Momma shaming.

Daily conversation - Momma's revenge (Momma shaming - part 2):

BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
{Pause}
BC: MoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmMMA! It's my food time!
MK: I'm in the middle of something, hang on.
BC: But I'm STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARVING!
MK: You have a full bowl of kibble.
BC: But I want FISHY! {SNORT!}
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! {SNORT!} It's my food time! RIGHT. NOW. MMMMooooooooooooooooommmmMMMA! FEED ME!

MK: Just a ....
BC: {SNORT!} {Bear jumps down from the table}.
{Pause}
BC: I'm in the kitchen! On the counter! I'm on the KITCHEN COUNTER! WHERE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

MK: Then get down!
{Pause}
BC: MAKE ME! I have my paw on the glass that's sitting on the microwave! The microwave on the same counter I'M sitting on that I'm not supposed to sit on! THE GLASS IS ABOUT TO GET IT if you don't feed me right now!

MK: Bear, just ....
{CRASH!}
MK: (BLEEP)!

BC: This didn't have to happen you know.
MK: {sigh}
BC: Are you going to put pictures of my masterpiece on our blog? Wait a ... what's this sign?!?!
MK: Yesterday you tried to convince everyone I was a mean Momma that tortured and starved my poor, innocent kitty cat. Today, our readers get the other side of the story.
BC: You ARE a mean ... {SNIFF} {SNIFF} ...
{Pause}
BC: Ooooooh! FISHY!  BEAR'S food time! YUMMY YUMMY in Bear's tummy! TASTY! NOW! NOW NOW! Nummy, yummy, tummy! In Bear's big belly!
MK: There you go.
{Momma goes back to the kitchen to clean up the mess, gets done and goes to sit down in her desk chair to get back to work ...}
MK: BEAR! Come on! I got up to feed you! Give me my chair.
BC: I was here FIRST.
MK: I just got up to feed you! And you jumped up the second you saw me walking toward the chair! You didn't even sit down yet!
BC: Bear doesn't share. Hmph. You humans and your sharing selfishness! Where'd this sign come from? What's it doing in MY chair?

BC: I DARE you to move me with your filthy paws!

MK: Bear! Please move.
BC: Nope.
MK: Share?
BC: Selfishness.
{Pause}
BC: MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW! MY CHAIR!

MK: OWW!
BC: I'm not sorry.

BC: Move me and die.

MK: Come on, Bear!
BC: Do de do ... lick my back paw ... lalala ... lick my back paw ... lick my belly ... la la la ... lick my belly. You're once ... Twice! Three-ee times a tortie! And I looooooooo-ve you!

MK: Now you're into torties? What happened to the tabby?
{Pause}
MK: I know you hear me!
{Silence}
MK: Treats?
BC: WHERE?!?!
MK: AHA! You DO hear me!
BC: RATS!

BC: What are YOU looking at? Another stupid sign?

MK: At least MY signs tell the truth.
BC: Phht. Truth? What does that have to do with anything?
MK: Why am I not surprised?
BC: You humans get all caught up on the truth. 
MK: I'll give you more treats.
BC: Oh! OH! More treats for me! Bear's big belly bellows boisterously. TREATS! TREATS! TREATS!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! Where are you going? You said I get more treats!!
MK: Oh, I'm sorry, Bear. I didn't know you were interested in the truth. Us pesky humans and our "truth."
{Silence}
BC: Sometimes I really, REALLY, REALLY HATE you! Truth THAT!

Featured posts of the Day:
*** Does Bear's disregard for the truth remind you of anyone or does it strike you as vaguely "politician-esque?" Bear briefly considered a run for president (and becoming a crapper) in Momma's Sad . . . and Bear For President!
*** Bear previously had some fun with words that start with the letter "b" (like Bear's big belly bellows boisterously) in "On brutal biting" from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Momma shaming

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Momma shaming:

BC: I love you.
MK: {looking behind herself in both directions} Are you talking to me?
BC: No.
MK: {crumpling just a bit} Oh.
BC: OF COURSE, I'm talking to you!
{Silence}
BC: Might I add that your hair looks decent today? Did you do something different with it? Maybe lick it a little bit extra?
MK: Did you walk into the wall again?
BC: Phht. Again? That implies I walked into it once already.
{Silence}
BC: NO. I did not walk into the walk AGAIN. Today anyway.
MK: Then what do you want?
BC: Can't I just tell my favorite Momma how much I love her? Come here and give me a hug!
{CLOP!}
MK: What the ...
BC: Hehehehehehe.
MK: What'd you just put on my back?
BC: Nothing. I was just giving you a ...

MK: POOH BEAR CAT!
BC: Uh oh. Full name. BYE!
MK: Your food bowl isn't empty!
BC: {from under the bed} Close enough! 

MK: Bear, the bowl was overfull when you stuck your  paw in there and batted the kibble out. So there is no way in hell your bowl is empty.
BC: I ate five pieces of kibble. Hey. I have to use the litter box. Can I be granted immunity for long enough to take care of my masculine needs?
MK: You act like I hurt you when you do something I don't like.
BC: You stepped on me a couple weeks ago!
MK: Not out of anger! Go ahead.
BC: De da la fa la de do re la fa .... 
{CLOP!}
MK: Bear! So help me, if you ...
BC: BYE!
MK: {sigh} WHEN have I tortured you? WHEN?
BC: {from under the bed} You brush my teeth every day and you wash my chin every day and you clip my claws every couple weeks!

ABOVE: Bear hiding from the "torture" back in his cat tree corner where Momma can't reach him.
BELOW: The "instruments" of "torture."

MK: Bear. You know if I don't wash your face every day, you'll break out. You don't want open sores on your chin, do you? I know they hurt. And if I don't brush your teeth you'll lose even more than you already have.
BC: How do you know? You've been brushing my teeth for years! Maybe the only reason I've lost ANY teeth is because you brush my teeth!
MK: You're right. I don't know that. Though you did lose teeth before I ever started brushing your teeth too. I trust the vet on the issue of your teeth. If he tells me to brush them, I'll brush them.
BC: Hmph. Your taste in vets leaves something to be desired. First there was the woman who didn't realize I was a boy and thought I was PREGNANT! Then there was Meow McQuacky-Pants! Do I have to remind you that you checked to see if he was married?
MK: That's not exactly how it happened, Bear. 
BC: Hmph. You only take me to the vet to get a boyfriend!
MK: {rolling her eyes} Have I ever dated one of your vets?
BC: NO! That's just the thing! Both the guys are married! And you know because you CHECKED. TRAITOR! I have to be tortured so you can get a date!
MK: Again, that's not how it happened and you know that. You've also had women who've seen you too.
BC: Hmph. I bet they were men in disguise!
MK: {choking down laughter and snorting instead} Why would they go through dressing as women?
BC: To TRICK me!
MK: Not everything revolves around you, Bear.
BC: Don't be ridiculous. What ELSE does it revolve around besides your desperation for a date?
{Pause}
BC: Where are you going?

MK: To get the mail.
BC: I love you, Momma!
{Bear pats Momma's back}

MK: I love you too, Bear!
{Momma's gone for a few minutes}
MK: Bear. Is there anything you want to tell me?
BC: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.
MK: That's what I thought. What's it say this time? I'm pretty sure I walked past a group of people snickering at me.

BC: I'm confused. Don't people ALWAYS snicker at you when you walk past?
MK: Hahaha. No. But thanks for this one.
BC: All my pleasure.
MK: I wasn't being sarcastic in the least.
BC: I know. Sarcasm requires a cleverness that exceeds your abilities.
MK: Revenge is sweet.
BC: I think you mean revenge is tasty whole chickens.
MK: What are you ...
{CLOP!}

MK: Yeah. I bet everyone feels sorry for you.
BC: They should! I'm hammock-less and tasty whole chicken-less and wet food treat-less!
MK: I already gave you your wet food treat, Bear.
BC: I know! But I don't have any right now!
MK: Maybe if you didn't scarf ...
{CLOP!}

MK: {sigh}. How many of these signs did you make?
BC: I don't know.
MK: Says the cat that knows if I get out eight treats and only give him five.
BC: I have to keep track so you don't skim some off the top for yourself.
MK: Bear ...
BC: I saw that box of doughnuts!
MK: Just out all my secrets.
BC: The ways to Momma's heart are doughnuts and cookies and Kit Kats.
MK: And thanks to you, now our neighbors think I would trade you for Kit Kats.
BC: Hehehehehe.
MK: One word, Bear ... one word.
BC: No? That's USUALLY your word.
MK: Hahahaha. Nope. Revenge.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Sleep well!
BC: Umm ... you're kidding, right? Momma? MooooooommmmmmmMMMMA!?!?!

Featured posts of the Day:
*** Did you miss the posts sharing the story of Bear's adoption and the subsequent confusion over his maleness? Momma's Favorite Story and The good news is your cat is not pregnant . . . the bad news is . . . (or How We Met).
*** Did you miss the story of Meow McQuacky-Pants? Meow McQuacky-Pants & Bear's Food Time.

*** To read more about how Bear got his full name (Pooh Bear) ... Naming "Male Kitten."

Thursday, July 28, 2016

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - T-R-O-U-B-L-E:
BC: We need to have a talk.

MK: Are you talking to me?
BC: Sit down, Momma.
MK: Errr ... okaaaaay.
BC: You're in trouble.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I've been WATCHING. And you're in T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
MK: Care to be more specific?
BC: I've noticed your days stretching out again so that you're eating only two meals in two days and calling it ONE day.
MK: (BLEEP)!
BC: Thought I didn't notice?
MK: I'm the only former anorexic with a cat that has an international audience.
BC: I have a blog ... and I'm not afraid to use it. And if you keep up the stretching, the former won't be former anymore. It hasn't escaped my attention that you're not eating the proper number of meals in a twenty-four hour day.
MK: Bear ....
BC: Nope. I don't wanna hear it.
MK: But ...
BC: When you stretch YOUR days, MY days get stretched too. It starts with just a few hours and then before you know it, I'm getting my wet food treat only every other 24 hour day since you start defining one day as 48 hours!
MK: But that also means you only get your teeth brushed every other 24 hour day too.
BC: That's a different topic for a different day!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Nope. If you brush my teeth because it's "GOOD" for me, you have to do what's good for you too - EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!


{Picture of Bear hiding from Momma back in his cat tree corner where she can't reach him ... because he doesn't want his teeth brushed.}

MK: Well ...
BC: I don't like having my teeth brushed, you know!
MK: I'm well aware. It's hard to miss the claws and fangs. Fangs you only still have because I brush your teeth regularly.
BC: Don't change the topic.
MK: But ...
BC: And when you get really sick and need outside help, I go off to the kennel!
MK: Well, TECHNICALLY it's a pet resort.
BC: But you're not there so it sucks no matter WHAT it's called!
MK: And they don't brush your teeth either.
BC: But they don't snuggle with me or play with me or stick the stupid picture box in my face! Wait a ... WHOSE SIDE AM I ON?!?!
MK: I'll give you treats not to out me online.
BC: How many?
MK: Err ... double the usual?
BC: NOPE.
MK: Four times the usual?
BC: Nope.
MK: An entire bag?
BC: Nope. My silence isn't cheap.
MK: Let's not exchange one problem for another.

BC: How about you just knock off your problem? 
MK: I'll try.
BC: Nope. NOT good enough. You're the one who always says people who say 'try' are just making an excuse because they don't want to actually change.
MK: I find it bizarre that despite all the things you don't hear or don't remember me saying, you remember this. Anyone who was confused by my couple statements on this blog that you know just as well what I shouldn't do as you know what YOU shouldn't do now know that claim is true.
BC: You're welcome. Better than weighing 75 lbs and landing in the hospital.
MK: Well, I'm a long way from ...
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM} This is your official intervent!
MK: What?
BC: Intervention ... intervent?
MK: Intervening? 
BC: Are you going to stop stretching out your days and meals which otherwise would lead to you dropping copious amounts of weight?
MK: Uhh ... okay.
BC: Then I don't care what you call it.
MK: Well, technically YOU'RE the one trying to label ...

MK: Okay. You drive a hard bargain.
BC: I take this job very seriously.
MK: And I have the scars to prove it.
BC: No. Those are just the icing on my proverbial cake.
MK: I love you, Bear. You're such a good boy.
BC: {narrowing his eyes} What do you mean by "good boy?" I'm not a dog.
MK: I mean you're the perfect boy kitty for me. You're very affectionate and easy to love. But you're also your own cat and I love that part of you just as much.
BC: So it's not so much that I'm "good," and more that you like my comprehensive personality?
MK: Yes.
BC: Did I make you mad at least once today?
MK: Why do you ask?
BC: Just wondering.
MK: Probably.
BC: That makes me a good cat.
MK: Yeah, it probably does. But I wouldn't want it any other way.
BC: Me neither.

{Pause}
BC: I love you, Momma. That's why I worry about you.
MK: I know.

Pictures of the Day:
How can anyone resist this face? Especially when all it wants is its Momma to be happy and healthy.

And the love that's enough to save a life (namely Momma's) ...

Featured post of the Day:
Momma and Bear also discussed Bear's role in saving Momma from her "crazy" here: Momma's "crazy." And for a more light-hearted touch on Bear's "job:" Bear's job.