Friday, November 25, 2016

"Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 34

Ever wonder about what conversations occur in the Momma Kat household?

Bear and I talk quite a bit - about a whole lot of random things. Did you miss any of the daily "conversations" from the last few weeks? These "conversations" (posted below), include all the usual snarky and dramatic randomness on both sides.

See the previous collections of "conversations," like the ones posted below: Part 1
Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10Part 11Part 12Part 13Part 14Part 15Part 16Part 17Part 18Part 19Part 20Part 21Part 22Part 23Part 24Part 25Part 26Part 27Part 28Part 28.5Part 29Part 30Part 31Part 32, Part 33.

The Sunday Selfies in this cycle, if you missed them: 
Sunday Selfie #24 {Bear Kitten/Kitty - other} and Sunday Selfie #25 {Bear Kitten sleeping/Momma}. Sunday Selfies is a blog hop hosted by our friends, The Cat on My Head; these posts are our entries for that blog hop.

Twice a month, Bear and I co-host a Pet Blogger Showcase Linky Party. The post in this cycle associated with that ... 
Pet Blogger Showcase 11/19/2016.

Here's the collection of dialogues from the past few weeks (in order from oldest to most recent):

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Leaving Momma-dom {Pinkie Mouse in the White House, part 3}:
MK: Ummm ... Bear? Why is your suitcase by the front door?

BC: In light of the results of the election, I'm moving out.

MK: Bear, you can't leave the country.
BC: WHOA! Outside is a different country?!?! Do they speak a different language out there?
MK: Wait a ... what election are you referring to?
BC: My anti-tyranny election! What other election is there?!?!
MK: Oooooooh. You're moving out from under my tyranny.
BC: So you admit to being a tyrant!
MK: Err ... no ... I ... umm ...
BC: I finally counted up all the ballets ...
MK: Ballets? You mean ballOts?
BC: Same thing!
MK: Not really.
BC: I got twenty-seven votes. You got forty-three votes. 
MK: That close?
BC: Rub pepper in the wound why don't you? "It's not ba-llays ... it's ba-llots!"
MK: {rolling her eyes} You mean "salt?"
BC: STOP CORRECTING ME! I know what I'm talking about!
{Pause}
BC: And you owe me two hundred and five dollars.
MK: Excuse me? 
BC: Forty-one of your votes were from your stuffed animals voting absentee ballots. As I announced in the bait, I charged five dollars for each stuffed animal that voted. I accept cash, credit card, or check. You may present the payment to me now.
MK: Bear ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You ARE good for a check right?
MK: WHAT?!? Why wouldn't I be good for a check?
BC: Just checking on your check.
MK: Oh, my head ...
BC: You can make the check out to Bear Cat Kat.
MK: Bear, where are you going to cash the check?
BC: The bank!
MK: You don't have accounts at any banks. Or an ID.
BC: What's that have to do with anything?
MK: Most banks require you have an account there to cash a check. Or, at the very least, an ID.
BC: Then the money in the bank is in YOUR name?
MK: Yes.
BC: How tyrant-ial of you! Putting YOUR name on MY money!
{Pause}
BC: I take credit cards!
MK: Bear ... you have no way to process a credit card.
BC: What are you talking about? I'm A BUSINESS CAT, I know how this works, Momma! You're just trying to confuse me.
MK: Umm ... no. You need to process a credit card payment.
BC: Phht. Every cat knows to make a payment, you give the entity you're paying your card.
MK: Exactly. And they process the card for payment.
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: And then the entity returns the credit card to the payer.
BC: WHAT?!?!? RETURN the card? WHY?
MK: Oh, Bear ...
BC: Cash. I take cash. Hopefully in smaller denominations ... and non-consecutive serial numbers ... but no coins!
MK: Bear, why would consecutive serial numbers matter?
BC: That's what people demanding money say!!
MK: Only if they're worried about being tracked.
BC: EXACTLY!
MK: Never mind.
BC: No funny business, MOMMA!
MK: {sigh}. Okay. Here.
BC: What?!?! This is a POST-IT! It's not ...
{Pause}
BC: Oooooooh! It's written for two hundred and fifteen dollars!!!! I got a BONUS! This is great! Surely this is enough for a tasty whole chicken farm!

MK: {trying not to laugh that Bear was so easily distracted by an amount more than he was asking for} Where did my other two votes come from? 
BC: My dead toys. Technically, since they are dead, they shouldn't be allowed to vote ... but your stuffed animals stuffed the ballot box anyway.

MK: Okay. 
BC: And sheesh! Let me tell you, I worked hard for my votes. My fangs and claws are EXHAUSTED!

MK: Voter intimidation?
BC: AND I had to closely supervise so my toys ... I mean, THE VOTERS, chose the right candidate. 

MK: Bear, half the ballots only had your name on them.

BC: EXACTLY! Voters are stupid and can't be trusted.
MK: Ummmm ... but you'd accept the result if they chose you?
BC: Well, the fact that you were elected tells me they are every bit as stupid and untrustworthy as I thought!
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: WHAT NOW?
MK: You kind of sound like a tyrant.
BC: I know you are, but what am I?
MK: Not the owner of a tasty whole chicken farm.
BC: WHAT?!?! I have over two hundred dollars!

MK: A tasty whole chicken farm is more expensive than that.
BC: What about a non-tasty whole chicken farm?
MK: Ummm ... probably not.
BC: FINE! One tasty whole chicken!

MK: Ummmm ...
BC: A farm of chicken parts?
MK: Uh ...
BC: A bunch of tasty chicken parts?
MK: Maybe.
BC: Non-tasty chicken parts?
MK: Okay.
BC: WHAT?!?! A cat's gotta eat! How can you afford to feed me?
MK: I don't buy you tasty whole chickens.
BC: Oh.

MK: Hmmm. Now that you have money, maybe you should pay rent and help out around here.
BC: WHAT?!?! 
MK: I'll call it the "cat tax."
BC: Taxation without representation? Isn't that ... err ... illegal?
MK: You have representation, Bear.
BC: That's right, lady! Claws and fangs REP-RE-SENT!
MK: And you call me tyrannical!
BC: No. I called you tyrant-ial.
MK: It's the SAME thing!
BC: Maybe. Maybe not. 
MK: Why?
BC: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
MK: Oh?
BC: I'm the boss around here!
MK: So your "election" was all about fleecing me for tasty whole chicken money.
BC: You said two hundred and fifteen dollars wasn't enough for a tasty whole chicken!
MK: I meant fleecing me for money to go in your piggy bank to SAVE for a tasty whole chicken.
BC: "SAVE?" What kind of nonsense is that? 
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... I have a piggy bank? Is it a tasty whole piggy bank? 
MK: Bear ...
BC: WHOA! I have a WHOLE bank of tasty whole pigs! That's even better than a tasty whole chicken farm!
MK: You know what? NEVER MIND.
BC: I WANT A TASTY WHOLE PIG! When do I get to visit my tasty whole pigs in my piggy bank?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I HATE YOU!!! I never get anything!
MK: Treats?
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

{Pause}
BC: RATS!


Poopetiquette:
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MK: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
BC: What are you doing?

MK: Sleeping!
BC: RATS! I was hoping you were awake ...

{Pause}
BC: Wait a ...
{Pause}
BC: You can't talk in your sleep!

MK: {sigh}.
BC: Or DO you?
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Last night, while you were asleep, you promised me some tasty whole chickens!
MK: I did not.
BC: DID TOO!

MK: Never mind.
BC: You also promised me a chicken cannon.
MK: Bear ...
BC: And a bazooka!
MK: Tasty whole chickens, a chicken cannon, AND a bazooka sounds like a huge mess.
BC: I'm a cat. Messes are what we do.
MK: What else did I promise you?
BC: Is this a trick question?
MK: What? How would that be a trick question?
BC: I'm not making this up, Momma!
MK: I never said you were.
BC: Oooooh! Does that mean I'm getting tasty whole chickens? And a chicken cannon? AND a bazooka? 
MK: Ummmm ... no.
BC: RATS! If you'd really promised me those things while you were asleep, would I get ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: It's okay, Bear. I already knew I didn't promise those things.
BC: Why not? Every cat needs all three of those things!
MK: For what?
BC: For ... for ... umm ... CAT stuff!
MK: Like ...
BC: You wouldn't understand ... because you're not a cat!
MK: {sigh} Why did you wake me up, Bear?
BC: I didn't wake you up!
{Pause}
BC: Well, maybe a little ...
MK: How do you wake someone up "a little?"
{Pause}
BC: Back to the matter at paw! I have to poop!
MK: Okay. You know where the facilities are.
BC: I can't poop in my litter box.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I can't poop in the box with the litter.
MK: Why not? You pooped there yesterday ... and the day before that ...
BC: The side I need to poop in has a slightly higher level of litter.
MK: Okay. Poop on the other side.
BC: {sigh} I can't!
MK: I'm going to regret this ... but WHY NOT? You poop there all the time!
BC: Because this is a STINKY POOP. Stinky poops all go in the west side of the litter box.


MK: Oh for the love of ... you don't see me walking around the toilet to find the perfect spot before I have to go.
BC: Well, yeah. But you're satisfied going in WATER. Clearly you have few scruples about where you stoop to poop. I follow poopetiquette.
MK: Bear. You have a HUGE, JUMBO-SIZED litter box. FIND A SPOT AND POOP!
BC: I need to level the litter. You were lazy last time you scooped and you didn't even it out right!
MK: Okay. You like to dig. You have two front paws.
BC: NO! When I do it, it's not EVEN like when you use the scoop.
MK: Are you kidding me? Now you won't poop in your litter box if the level of litter isn't even?
BC: NO! I also won't poop a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side! And I have my cover/no-cover decision-making process.

MK: Your WHAT?
BC: RATS!
MK: You mean whether you cover or not isn't random?
BC: Phht. Nothing's RANDOM, Momma. Well, except for maybe half of the stuff you blab about. But cats aren't random ... we're a higher life form.

MK: A higher life form licks its own butt?
BC: You REALLY have to get over that. You spend more time thinking about my butt than I do.
MK: Maybe because your butt is what I'm used to seeing.
BC: You're just jealous that YOUR butt isn't as small and as cute as mine.
MK: Could this conversation get any weirder?
BC: Do you want to see my decision-making chart?

MK: I just HAD to ask ... didn't I?
{Pause}
MK: Bear! Based on this chart, you hardly ever cover your business! There's only a very narrow portion that you bother to cover.
{Pause}
MK: Hmmmm.
BC: And you call me simple!
MK: I can't believe you have a chart.
BC: It's an important decision!
MK: For a cat maybe. I can't believe you WOKE ME UP because of uneven litter.
BC: If you really loved me, you wouldn't expect me to poop a stinky poop in an unevenly scooped litter box!
{Momma and Bear stare at each other}
BC: Fine. I can hold it.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmmmmmmmmm. {GRUNT}. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. {GRUNT}.
MK: {rolling over to go back to sleep} We don't need the sound effects, Bear.
BC: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. {GRUNT}. Well, fine. I don't know how you can go back to sleep when I have to poop and you haven't evened out the litter!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmmmmmmmmm. {GRUNT}. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. {GRUNT}. 
MK: Okay! OKAY!!! I'll even out the @#$%! litter! 
{Momma gets up, evens out the litter ... then walks back to bed}.
MK: BEAR!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
MK: Hey! That was my warm spot on the bed! I thought you had to poop!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
MK: I can't believe I fell for this AGAIN! In the SAME WEEK!




NOT a cat:
MK: GRRRRRRRRRR! {mumbling to herself} Stupid closet! Full of all kinds of ... can't find what I'm ... @#$%!

BC: OH! OH! BOWS! It's raining bows! Am I in heaven? Is it my birthday? Did I graduate? Is it my anniversary? So pret-ty! Come to me, my pret-ties!!

MK: Hey! Those aren't for you!

BC: Oh! I want to roll in all the pretties! Ahhhhhh! Ooooooh! Rub my body all over the pretty! Pretty pretty pretty .... ooooooooooooh yeah! So much pretty ... just for me.

MK: Bear! That's vaguely pornographic!

BC: Different strokes for different folks, Momma!

MK: WHAT?!

BC: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: EWWW!
BC: Where's the tasty whole turkey?

MK: Excuse me?
BC: For every bow shower, there's a tasty whole turkey.

MK: WHAT?!
BC: FOR -- EVERY -- BOW -- SHOWER ... THERE'S -- A -- TASTY -- WHOLE -- TURKEY.
MK: I heard you the first time, Bear. I just don't understand.
BC: You wouldn't.

MK: I'm so confused.
BC: Is that new?
MK: Cats!
BC: I'm not a cat.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: I'm not of the species Felis catus, commonly referred to as the house cat.
MK: {to herself} I'm going to regret this ...
{Pause}
MK: Then what species are you?
BC: Ursus felis.

MK: You made that up. Those are just two genus names smashed together.
BC: Well, yes, Ursus felis is well known for its genius.
MK: GENUS!
BC: Obviously.
MK: No!
BC: Yes!
{Pause}
MK: Ursus is for bear ... felis is for cat.
BC: Now aren't YOU a genius! NOT!
MK: Bear ... that's not a separate species.
BC: Of course it is.
MK: Okay. Where are the other Bear Cats?
BC: We're VERY, VERY rare and blend in with the common house cat such that any idiot ... I mean ... HUMAN can't tell us apart. We require protection from idi ... humans. They'd want to mine our vast intellect.
MK: So Bear Cats are endangered?
BC: You better believe it, lady! We are danger. You look up the definition of "danger" in the dictionary, and there is Ursus felis!
MK: Oh, for the love of ...
BC: Our claws are extra sharp and our fangs extra brutal.



MK: Okay.
BC: Regular kitty cats like cheese. I refuse to eat that ... that ... coagulated, bacteria-ridden, baby cow nourishment!
MK: Ummmm ... while accurate, you don't make cheese sound appetizing.
BC: I also don't do boxes like a kitty cat would. 


MK: What other differences are there?
BC: Well, how would you define a cat?
MK: Dramatic for one.
BC: See! I'm not dramatic.
MK: Bear, you had a TEMPER TANTRUM because your food bowl was missing two pieces of kibble.

BC: EXACTLY! It was empty. You were trying to STARVE me! And earlier, you tried to do unspeakable things to me with the toothbrush!
MK: You mean like BRUSHING YOUR TEETH so you don't lose any more?
BC: Just because you speak the unspeakable doesn't make it any less unspeakable, Momma.
MK: That makes no sense.
BC: You hate me! You're trying to kill me!
MK: WHAT?!?! I was trying to get a piece of litter out of your fur!
BC: Errrr ... What's next on the list?
MK: Cats refuse to admit when they're wrong.
BC: RATS! Next?
MK: Dictatorial.
BC: Hmph. I just like to get my way. I'm not a DICTATOR.
{Pause}
BC: I'm TELLING you, Momma! I'm NOT A CAT!
MK: Uh huh.
BC: That's the END of that line questioning! It's OVER!

{Pause}
BC: RATS! I HATE YOU!
{Pause}
BC: You should be ashamed of yourself! Picking on your dear, sweet, innocent kitty cat!
MK: So you are a cat.
BC: @#$%! 

MK: So, NOT picking on my dramatic, refuses to admit he's wrong, dictatorial kitty cat.
BC: You've reached Bear Cat. He's NOT speaking to you at the moment ... don't leave a message because HE HATES YOU! BEEP!

MK: THAT'S what I forgot to do! Thank you for reminding me!
BC: You haven't been your normal allotment of annoying today? I swear. We cats ...
MK: Hahahahaha.
BC: CAT IT! I meant, "We BEAR cats."
MK: Uh huh.
BC: {glaring at Momma} We BEAR cats are smart enough, we should invent silent laps and silent thumbs. No more of this "blahing" all the time. 
MK: I need to schedule your yearly appointment to the vet.
{Silence}
MK: OH! And I bet he'll be more than happy to weigh in on the biological differences between the common house cat and a bear cat.
{Silence}
MK: Speaking of weight ... 
BC: Bear Cats die when put on diets.
MK: Good thing he's a vet and would know that!
BC: Never mind the thumbs and laps, I'll rough it on my own! How many of the bows do you think will fit into my suitcase?

MK: How about I drop you off at the bus station on the way back from the vet?
BC: BUS?!?! A BUS!? I require a limousine, lady!
MK: You must be rich.
{Pause}
BC: I HATE YOU! I'm going to my happy place. I don't want to be disturbed.

MK: Nice. MY desk chair. 
MK: Touche.
 


Evil bunny day:
BC: {walking into the dark room} So evil bunny day ... can I borrow your bazooka so ...
{Pause}
BC: What the ... Momma?
{A light comes on}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What happened to YOU?

MK: {weakly} Bear ...
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You've been crying!
MK: Well ...
BC: That's IT! This stupid boy has gotten on my LAST NERVE! If he doesn't realize how great you are and can't love you ... he's stupider than the Big Dodo! And that says a lot ... because by definition, the Big Dodo is a BIG DODO! Seriously, you saved my life, I saved yours ... then you worked so hard over ten years to get healthy ... and you started our blog which was totally outside of your comfort zone ... and then you did the one thing you were sure you could not by going to the BlogPaws Conference in June ... and I was so proud of you! You were my kick ass Momma that I knew was in there from the first time I saw you. And since the conference in June, you've destructed piece by piece. Sure, you've had moments of extreme happiness ... but the net result ended up with you feeling more unlovable, less good enough, and even more sure that no one would stick around. I've seen the stupid boy steal piece by piece the confidence you painstakingly built ... tearing you down for no other reason than he can. And all you did was love him.

MK: But, Bear ...
BC: NO! Don't say you're unlovable to excuse his behavior.

MK: Well, but I ...
BC: I love you, so you can't be unlovable. And anyway, I'm tough to win over. 

MK: Okay, but ...
BC: And no. You aren't stupid to believe that someone could love you ... because I love you.

MK: Well, I should've known ...
BC: No.
MK: No?
BC: NO. One of the things I like most about you is that you treat each person as a new person ... instead of assuming he'll be like everyone else in your life. You love completely and don't hold back. I mean you don't give your heart often ... this is only the second time in over twelve years ... but still!

{Silence}
MK: {crying harder and grabbing Bear to snuggle} Oh, Bear ...

BC: Put me ... ummm ... grrr ... DOWN!
{Pause}
BC: {AHEM!} So, now that the mushy crap is done with, when does the bunny come?

MK: What bunny?
BC: The bunny that robs all the chickens of their eggs and then hides them just for fun so the chickens can't find them.
MK: What the ...
BC: I figure that the chickens might be so distracted while looking for their eggs that you might be able to easily pick a few off.

MK: ME?!? How would I do that?
BC: Don't worry, Momma. I'll point out the ones that look whole and tasty. I'm an excellent judge of whole tastiness.
MK: How kind of you.
BC: Phht. You wouldn't know a tasty whole chicken if it bit you.

MK: Bear, why do I have to catch the chickens?
BC: Because you're not scared of anything!
MK: Bear, if you want chickens, you can catch them. 
BC: But chickens are big! They might want to EAT me! Or MOCK me! Chickens like to mock cats.

MK: {sigh}.
BC: So what day EXACTLY is chicken hunting day? You have to be ready!
MK: I have no idea what you're talking about.
BC: The bunny that steals the chicken eggs! And you humans hide a few eggs to lure the chickens into your yards so you can nab them ... thinking the decoys might be their eggs.
MK: What are you ...
BC: The mutantly HUGE bunny, Momma!

MK: The Easter Bunny?
BC: He's not a Thanksgiving Bunny?
MK: I don't think so.
BC: So wait ... is Thanksgiving the one where people walk around wearing sheets?
MK: What are you ...
BC: You know ... when you let your evility shine and show your true witchiness.

MK: Halloween?
BC: Well, technically, I guess you show your witchiness EVERY day.
MK: Thanks, Bear.
BC: You're welcome.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: So Thanksgiving is the annoyingly jolly, fat dude who shoves himself down the chimney like a sausage?
MK: Santa?
BC: How should I know? I'm not on a first name basis with him! Wait a ... are you a Santa in training?
MK: What?
BC: Well, I mean you eat all those doughnuts! And you can be awfully annoying too.
{Pause}
BC: You're even growing a beard!
MK: WHAT?!?! Why do I get the feeling that sometimes the only reason you talk to me is to insert insults throughout the conversation?
BC: OB-vious ... err ... I don't know WHAT you're talking about!
MK: I am NOT growing a beard. Err ... I'll be back in a minute.
BC: Hehehehehehehe. She had to check. Good enough.
MK: I heard that!
BC: So what's the weird aberration that goes with Thanksgiving?

MK: The turkey.
BC: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
MK: Ummm ... HUH?
BC: It's the one where an undressed turkey jumps out of a cake right?
MK: Wait a ... undressed ... dressing ... turkey ... where does the cake come from?
BC: Ummm ... I don't know. Where do cakes come from, Momma?
MK: No, I meant ... OH! You're thinking of a birthday cake.
BC: So on Thanksgiving we celebrate the turkey's birthday?
MK: WHAT? NO! There's no birthday with Thanksgiving. 
BC: Then where does the cake come from?
MK: {mockingly} I don't know. Where do cakes come from, Bear?
BC: Did I ever tell you how UN-funny you are?
MK: At least ten times ... in the last hour.
BC: Last Thanksgiving you came home with a cake!
MK: Ooooh. My birthday.
BC: WHOOOOOOOA! Thanksgiving AND turkeys celebrate your birthday? I thought you were just a no one! But to have a national holiday celebrate your birthday? Do they know what a ... a ... err ... unimportant person you are?

MK: {sigh}.
BC: Are the turkeys tasty whole turkeys?
MK: I don't exactly eat my party guests, Bear.
BC: Well, then why ELSE would you have them for dinner?
MK: Talking to you is more painful than banging my head against a wall.
BC: And you would know!
MK: I didn't do that on purpose, Bear.
BC: Maybe. But it was still funny.

{Pause}
BC: I get all the holidays confused because you're a scrooge and refuse to decorate.
MK: And why is that?
BC: Because you want to ruin all my fun!!!
MK: Uh huh.
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

BC: How am I supposed to know what's a "decoration" and what's meant to be a toy?
MK: Oh, I don't know ... me putting it where you can't reach it?
BC: Phht. Hello ... CHALLENGE!
MK: Right. Because you can jump the seven foot tall entertainment center.
BC: It's called the entertainment center for a reason, Momma!
MK: {sigh} How about that I say "NO, Bear" when you mess with my decorations?
BC: Phht. No means yes. To cats anyway.
MK: And this is why we can't have decorations.
BC: Then I only have my cat toys to play with!
MK: Poor you.
BC: Although, the toaster is fun too ...
MK: {sigh}.
BC: And your toothbrush ... and all the stuff that's on the shelf above the toilet ... and your pens ... 
{Pause}
BC: This house is a smorgasbord of fun!
MK: Who needs a holiday to celebrate?
BC: I wish you'd put "party pooper" on your application to adopt me.
MK: Bear, you were HOMELESS. There was no application to adopt you.
BC: RATS! You tricked me with food!
MK: You don't seem to mind.
BC: Well, I ... I mean ... umm ... I love ... love ... food.
MK: Come here and love some "food."
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


Thanksgiving {kind of}:
BC: Do de do ... 
{Pause}
BC: I'm not putting up with your disrespect, you stupid pen! HI-YAH!

BC: Wha?????
{Pause}
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's got me! IT'S GOT ME! I'm going to die! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: {walking into the room} What's going on?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: Bear!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: Why do you have a post-it stuck to your back?
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: BEAR!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH {jumping up on the table and launching off the other side} OOFFF!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {the post-it flies off mid-flight}.

{Pause}

BC: {breathing hard} {PUFF] {HUFF} {PUFF} {HUFF} {PUFF} ...

MK: Bear?
BC: {PHEW} That was CLOSE! I almost died, Momma!

MK: How did a post-it .... BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Bear, why are there post-its on our stuff?
BC: I was trying to get in the Thanksgiving spirit! I'm thankful for a lot of things! I wanted to count my blessings! But to do that, I had to mark everything.

MK: You don't ACTUALLY count your blessings, Bear. It's not a number. 
BC: WHAT?!? I've been hard at work while you've been sleeping!
MK: How did you get a post-it stuck to your back?
BC: I was working on writing on the post-its ... I got distracted by the pen and I rolled on my back to bunny kick it! Then ... then ... next thing I know ... A POST-IT was trying to EAT ME!
MK: You could fix that really easily, Bear.
BC: How?
MK: STOP PHUNKING WITH MY POST-ITS!
BC: Rats!
{Pause}
BC: Ummm ... err ... RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Give me that pen! {indiscriminate scratching}. VOILA!

MK: Now you're not thankful for post-its though you've liberally used them all over the place?
BC: I don't think you appreciate my recent trauma, Momma! All seven of my lives flashed before my eyes!
MK: Seven?
BC: Well, I've only USED seven, Momma. If I'd used all NINE, my lives would be over. OBVIOUSLY. And anyway, those seven have been busy!
MK: Bear, you sleep sixteen hours a day!
BC: Well, yeah. But the other eight are PRETTY INTENSE!
MK: Yeah. When you beat the stuffing out of the Kleenex box earlier, it could've gone either way there for awhile.
BC: What are you ... HEY! I OWNED that box! And I do other cat things ... ALL THE TIME!
MK: Like?
BC: Sheesh, Momma. You're not very thankful! I keep you safe from intruders ... I keep the natives in line ... I mean, teddy alone requires a lot of smackdown to behave!

MK: Smackdown isn't a verb, Bear.
BC: {mocking} Smackdown isn't a verb, Bear.
{Pause}
BC: When I do it, Momma, it's a verb ... a noun ... AND an ... an ...
MK: Adjective?
BC: EXACTLY! The least you could do is be THANKFUL that you don't have to constantly watch your back!
MK: Oh?

BC: Well, I didn't mean that LITERALLY. I'm a cat after all! You'd be a fool not to watch your back!
MK: Yeah. What a surprise! 
{Pause}
MK: {looking around} Bear, you kind of miss the spirit of Thanksgiving ...
BC: What?
MK: These have conditions on being thankful!
BC: Well, I mean why would I be thankful for something that's not MY WAY?





MK: Bear, you used the post it on the bathroom mirror to compliment yourself! How's that being thankful?
BC: Oh, so you're Miss "I do thankful right?" I'm thankful for stuff without conditions!
MK: Bear, these things are mine!
BC: Well, that's not really a Thanksgiving attitude, Momma! MINE MINE MINE MINE!! Sheesh.
MK: Or they're part of the house!

BC: Just because it's part of the house doesn't mean we can't be THANKFUL for it, Momma!
MK: Well, I understand, I just meant that they're not actually YOURS.
BC: Sheesh, Momma. It's not MINE or YOURS ... it's OURS. 
MK: Oh, yeah? Want to share that desk chair with me?

BC: I think NOT. We've had the conversation about sharing selfishness HOW many times?

MK: I thought you said the stuff was OURS.
BC: Well, only the stuff that's not mine is OURS.
MK: So my bed is yours?
BC: No! OBVIOUSLY not. MY bed is mine! My couch is mine. My blinds are mine. My kitchen table is mine.
BC: ... My pen is mine ...

MK: And you claimed I didn't have the Thanksgiving attitude ... you just said, "mine," FIVE TIMES.
BC: Well, YEAH. But only about what is MINE!
MK: I do see that you are thankful for other things as well. That's nice.
BC: So what are you thankful for, Momma?

MK: I'm thankful for you, Bear. I'm thankful for our readers who've become friends and friends who've become readers. I'm thankful for my capacity to love. I'm thankful for ...
BC: {snoring} ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

MK: Oh, my sweet, full of cattitude and furry fury, often misguided - but well meaning (most of the time) - Cuddle Bug. You are one of a kind ... and I'm so lucky I found you.
BC: IF SO ...
MK: AHHH! Holy crap! Give me a heart attack!
BC: ... WOULD IT REALLY KILL YOU TO GIVE ME TASTY WHOLE CHICKENS?!?!

MK: Thanksgiving, Bear. Thanksgiving.
BC: Your "Thanksgiving," my pooped on dreams!
MK: Maybe if you kept your poop in your litter box, that wouldn't happen!
BC: I like to think outside the box! {YAWN}. I'm most thankful for quiet! HINT! HINT!

4 comments:

  1. Amarula says she thinks you and she should spend the $215 on a truck for of catnip and have a party!

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    1. Ooooooh. With LADY CATS ... I mean, not the paid kind ... I meant my lady cat FRIENDS ... err ... who aren't paid in any capacity ever ... at least I don't think ... well, that sure snowballed out of control quickly! ~Bear Cat

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