Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Boy cat stuff

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - Boy cat stuff:
BC: {SIGH} Meow. MEooooooooooooooooooooow. 'OW 'OW. Mewl. 'Ew. 

BC: {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {SNORT}.
BC: {PAW!} {PAW!} {SNORT}.
{Pause}
BC: MoooooooooooooommmmmmmmMMAA! I want to go outside!
MK: No.
BC: But ... but ... I NEED to go outside! NOW!


MK: Why?
BC: Because ... umm ... err ... there's STUFF I need to do. OUTSIDE! STUFF! OUTSIDE!!!
MK: What kind of stuff?
BC: BOY CAT STUFF!!

MK: Like what?
BC: You wouldn't understand. {WHACK!} {WHACK!}
MK: Try me.
BC: STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND LET ME OUT! {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!}

MK: No.
{Pause}
MK: You can whack the doorknob as many times as you want and tear up the taped over carpet by the front door all you want, but you won't get outside.
BC: I HATE YOU!!!


{Pause}
BC: {pawing at the floor} If I just ... just ... can ... tunnel under ... ARG! 
{PAW!} {PAW!} ... the front ... door ... dig {PAW!} {PAW!} ... out ... why doesn't it look like I'm making any progress? {PAW!} {PAW!} I'm digging like mad! {SNORT}.
{Pause}
BC: FINE! {standing on his hind legs and whacking the door knob} I can ... reach ... knob ... just ... whack it until ... opens ... {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!} ... when Momma ... opens ... looks so EASY! If any ... dummy can ... I CERTAINLY ... {WHACK!} {WHACK!} {WHACK!} ... can! RATS! I HATE this stupid door! I CURSE this stupid door! Capricious! Arbitrary! Churlish! Bear-hater! {SNORT!}.
MK: CRAP! I forgot to get the mail!
{Pause}
MK: Bear, move!
BC: I want to go outside!
MK: No.
BC: But ... but ... YOU'RE going out!!!
MK: Yes, but every time I let you out, I have to fight to get you back in.
BC: I promise I'll come right back inside!
MK: Your claws are crossed!
BC: Err ... RATS!
MK: {sigh} Fine.
BC: {now outside} Outside! Outside! Grass BOO-FAY! OUTSIDE!
{Momma makes it halfway to the mail box before hearing Bear howling loudly to be let back in}
MK: {hurrying back to the door} Oh, for the love of ... he wants to be outside, until he's ACTUALLY outside. All that only to turn around and ...
BC: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWW. MEEEEEEEWOW!
MK: Bear, I'm almost there ... 
{Bear turns around, sees Momma on the front porch and runs into the rosebush in the garden}
MK: Dang it, Bear! You howl to be let back inside until you see me and then you hide so you can stay outside? Are you just messing with me?
BC: Do de do ... la de da ... de do de do ...
MK: I KNOW you hear me!!! You can sniff around all you want, but I know you HEAR ME!
BC: Na na na na na ... he hoo de da!
MK: Bear INSIDE!
BC: No.
MK: IN - SIDE!!!
BC: BITE ME!!!!
{Complete silence ... no discernible movement.}
MK: BEAR! {mumbling to herself} I swear ... pain in the butt ... ridiculous ... so help me ... 

{Momma grabs the bag of cat treats in the pantry.}
MK: {shaking the bag} BEAR! IN-SIDE! HELLO?!?!? Son of a . . .
{Momma trudges out in the dark to find Bear's no longer in the bush but around the corner of the house}
BC: WAIT! WHAT?!?! You NEVER come out this far to get me! You're usually too lazy! You're not allowed in the garden! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! MROOOOOOOOOOOOOW! {THWACK!} THIS ISN'T how we do this!!!!
MK: I'm tired of waiting patiently. I asked nicely. I even got the treats. I usually let you meander back on your time since you can't get far ... forget that. STOP WHACKING ME IN THE FACE!
BC: TREATS!
MK: Exactly! You meander, but then you still expect treats.
BC: PUT ME DOWN! 
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. {THWACK!}
{Pause}
BC: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! {THWACK!} 

MK: OWWW! Stop attacking me!
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: I don't like you so much right now either!
{Pause}
MK: What the .... BEAR! Your fur is full of crap! What were you doing out here?
BC: Chasing Gary and Larry into the garden.
MK: Not the aliens AGAIN? How come they always show up when you're in trouble?
BC: That's their job ... TO GET ME IN TROUBLE.
MK: Right. I suppose they're why your fur is full of leaves and dirt and who knows what else.
BC: Well, no. I found a pile of stuff that didn't smell like me, so I rolled around in it. That's when Gary and Larry got away.
{Momma and Bear go inside}
BC: WAIT! WHERE ARE MY TREATS!!?!!? 
MK: I gave you your wet food treat before you went out. You haven't touched it yet.
BC: But, YOU SHOOK THE TREAT BAG!
MK: And I had to come out and dig you out of your hiding place. No treats for that.
BC: I HATE YOU!!!
MK: Why am I NOT surprised?!?!
BC: Because you know I SHOULD hate you! Because you're MEAN!
MK: Or because you have a SERIOUS attitude problem.
BC: Only when I don't get what I want!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!

Pictures of the Day:
Uh oh. Some Momma's in even more trouble {than she was because of the above incident} because there's a soda bottle in Bear's spot ...
How it ***SHOULD*** be ...

Featured posts of the day:

19 comments:

  1. Isn't it just typical, your peep can't see that Gary and Larry are behind all this. I think you deserve a medal, tasty chicken flavour just for seeing them off the premises. purrs ERin ps Looks like Gary and Larry aren't the only problems, says on that bottle that a Spartame has got free! Best on on the look out and get some chickens in just in case! purrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh. I wonder if a Spartame would any match for a Kraken?!?!? ~Bear Cat

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    2. Well, I bet it would be quite trim, being low calorie, but is it healthy? Our Kraken is looking quite trim herself as she's joined gym, only problem is she does rather take up all the running machines at once! purrs ERin

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  2. We hear you, Bear. Humans are so, um, difficult. Why do they always feel the need to ask "why?" We're cats. That's reason enough to do what we demand. Right?

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  3. How do Gary and Larry feel about being blamed, Bear? They might have feelings too, you know.

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    Replies
    1. Don't be ridiculous! Aliens don't have FEELINGS! Uh oh. ~Bear Cat

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  4. Replies
    1. I know! I'm always getting in trouble for other living things mischief! Just because I'm the only one here doesn't mean I do all the bad things!!! ~Bear Cat

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  5. Bear, my Grandpa Bobo was like you. He LOVED going out and used to scratch the doorway all of the time! Me? I prefer the luxuries of staying in! Do you know your floor by your front door is EXACTLY like ours? Same tile!!!!!! Just stay in Bear, there's nothing important out there, trust me! Love, Cody catchatwithcarenandcody

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    Replies
    1. True that. There are lots of evil birds and squirrels out there! ~Bear Cat

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  6. You got blamed again? Blame it on the aliens, it usually works for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think my Momma is starting to doubt their existence ... ~Bear Cat

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  7. We don't get to go out either, Bear. It's so unfair! By the way, why don't you just knock that bottle offa there??

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  8. Silly Bear, you don't want to go outside, it is much safer inside.

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  9. Whoa! are you allowed to go out, Bear? Isn't dangerous out there. I'd stay in where it's safe and there's food.

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    Replies
    1. My Momma only started letting me out a bit because otherwise I'd escape and she'd chase me around in circles on our front porch. Our yard and porch is enclosed by a tall retaining wall ... and I refuse to go up the steps to the courtyard, so I'm pretty safe. She doesn't like me being outside - but I'm especially stubborn. ~Bear Cat

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