Saturday, August 13, 2016

The good cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - The good cat:
BC: Do de do da do de ... la la la ...
{Pause}
BC: {GASP} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{THUNK!}
MK: Bear!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: Bear, don't give me that. I know you were in that part of the room.
BC: But you didn't see me by the bag of trash!
MK: Bear. I'm not stupid. It was sitting there like a good trash bag before you went over there and sniffed around. And seeing as you knew I was talking about the trash bag ...
BC: It's like you have eyes in the back of your head! {GASP} DO you have eyes in the back of your head? That would explain why ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: "Good trash" is a bit of an oxymoron, don't you think?
MK: Like "good cat?"
BC: Well ... I ... err ... hmmm.
{Pause}
BC: THE TRASH ALMOST ATE ME!
MK: Where was your nose?
BC: The trash almost grasped me in its ferocious jaws and all you can think about is the location of my nose?!?! I could be bouncing around its evil stomach marinating in its malicious juices!
MK: Maybe you should just stay away from plastic bags?
BC: It almost ATE ME!
MK: And what happened when you nosed around in the grocery bags?
BC: I don't know what you're talking about.

MK: THIS?

BC: RATS! I REALLY hate those pictures!
MK: Uh huh. Do you remember what happened?
BC: Err ... I was walking past the plastic bags of groceries when one viciously attacked me for no reason! You can see its depraved jaws around my juicy and delectable body!!!
MK: Somehow I remember it differently - even if it happened eight years ago. Like maybe that you were sniffing in the bag that held a gallon of milk ... you got startled and pulled back with your head still through the handle ... which freaked you out and you pulled back even more violently ... throwing the milk in one direction as the bag broke and ensuring the handle was caught around your body.
BC: And you took pictures instead of rescuing me!!!
MK: Bear, you wouldn't let me get near you.
BC: Because you were LAUGHING. I could've lost all my nine lives and you were LAUGHING. Besides, I thought the cackling was the bag taunting me. But no. It was my OWN MOMMA chuckling at my misfortune.
MK: Somehow "misfortune" seems like a misnomer since you got yourself into the situation.
BC: I was minding my own business! It's not my fault that I'm tantalizing to a plastic bag! I imagine it sees my savory loins walking past and just can't control itself. Much like the lady cats of the neighborhood can't control themselves in my presence.
MK: PFFT! {laughing}.
BC: Oh, now THAT was attractive! No wonder you have problems with boys. 
MK: I'm sorry, Bear. But I was taking a drink of water JUST as you mentioned the ardently desirous lady cats. You know ... the ones you stare at and caterwaul at through the window but who you run from if ever within a hundred feet of them outside.
BC: Women are trouble!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: Debauchery. That's all they want. I'm a good boy!
MK: I think your halo fell off in your litter box.
BC: {looking around himself} What?!?!?
{Pause}
BC: Oh. Hardy har har.
MK: I'm a woman.
BC: No, you're not!
MK: Then what am I?
BC: My MOMMA! That's not the same thing.
MK: Nice. Thanks. Though calling yourself a "good boy" is about as accurate as saying I'm not a woman.
BC: I AM a good boy! At least on days whose names don't end in 'y.'
MK: Exactly.
BC: So we agre ... 
{Pause}
BC: RATS! It'd be nice if JUST ONCE I spoke before I thought.
MK: {laughing}.
BC: TRIPLE RATS! I meant thought before I spoke!
MK: I'm not sure that's the problem.
BC: What's that supposed to mean?
MK: Remember the cat rapper? AKA The CRAPPER? "I drop more than beats!"
BC: Ooooooooooooh. I just ... I get so mad ... you ... you ... never forget ANYTHING! Like YOU'RE so PERFECT! 

Pictures of the Day:
Hints of our Sunday Selfies entry for tomorrow.


Featured posts of the Day:
*** To read more about Bear's antics (like the plastic bag incident): Bears Behaving Badly (or at least regrettably) and Things I Never, Ever Thought I'd Say to a Cat.
*** If you missed the post about Bear aspiring to be a "crapper:" Momma's Sad . . . and Bear For President!

12 comments:

  1. Aaaaaaaw Bear you are quite handsum and we's sure da lady cats are swoonin' over you. Sissy Raena just discovered those nasty plastic bags with their horrific handles as mommy calls them. Like you, she was just walkin' by, mindin' her own business when it jumped out and got her. Fankfully our mommy's too old to think 'bout grabbin' a camera furst and she immediately rescued Raena from dat nasty plastic bag. MOL Hope ya'll have a great weekend.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my Momma's defense, she only got the camera AFTER I refused to let her get close to me. I kept running all over the place trying to get it off me and she was hoping to distract me with the camera for long enough that she could grab me. Though she WAS laughing so that part was quite undignified! ~Bear Cat

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  2. I say, Bear, a fine lad like your needn't fear lady cats or us princesses, just sing that tune, in key, and we'll be putty in those fine tabby paws.... failing that you could just ask us on a date? Anyways, did you know that Mr Thomas Crapper was one of the advocates and purrfectors of the original flush toilets? Strangely enough I do believe they hadn't invented rapping or plastic bags at that point. purrs ERin

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    Replies
    1. You don't think ladies would be intimidated by my male princess status? ~Bear Cat
      ps - My paws ARE fine ... thank you :)

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  3. Mudpie says she can totally understand how that plastic bag couldn't control itself around you...and doesn't it make you furious when us humans laugh and these situations instead of lending a helping hand??? I'm guilty of that too :(

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  4. Your convos just crack me up!!! Bear, you don't want that bag attacking your "savory loins" again (MOL MOL MOL!) In all seriousness, thank goodness you were ok the first time, that's why people should keep those bags away from kitties (but it wasn't your Mom's fault cause she had just brought those home from the store the first time it happened) xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody

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  5. I am sorry the trash bag attacked you and your Momma didn't believe you. I am glad you were OK the other time a bag attacked you too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, the travails of being a cute and innocent kitty cat! ~Bear Cat

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  6. MOL! Darn those attacking trash bags! I think Sophie has been attacked once or twice, too. No photographic evidence though.

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