Tuesday, July 12, 2016

The lobster

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat


Daily conversation - The lobster (Gary and Larry - part 2):
MK: Hi, Bear! Did you miss me?
BC: {CHOMP}.
MK: Ow! What the heck? Aren't you glad I'm home?
BC: I wish my Momma was here to see this! She always tells me that cats have to HUNT. Phht. Obviously not. A lobster just walked in my front door!
MK: Wait a ... OWWW!

BC: Are you a tasty lobster? Are you whole? You look kind of strange for a lobster but I can't put my paw on what is missing!
MK: But ...
BC: Stop talking ... my food bowl's that way. I order you to go surrender yourself! You're kind of tough ... but I'll make do.
MK: BEAR! It's Momma!
BC: Who?
MK: Your Momma!
BC: My Momma's not a lobster!
MK: I'M NOT a lobster!

BC: Are you in disguise as a lobster?
MK: NO!
BC: Then why are you bright red?
MK: Because I got a bad sunburn while I was gone!
BC: Are you SURE you're not a lobster?
MK: YES, I'm SURE.
BC: Phew. You'd make a nasty tasting lobster.
MK: I swear, Bear. Live animals don't just walk in the door and flop down in your food bowl. How many times do I have to explain that to you?
BC: {CHOMP}!
MK: OWW! Knock that off!
BC: Just double checking.

MK: Great. Now my arm is sunburned AND chewed up.
BC: What have YOU been doing?
MK: Walking in the front door.
BC: Don't you walk THROUGH the door, not into it?
MK: {looking around the house for the first time since walking in} What did you do while I was gone?
BC: Well, first I threw a rager … then passed out on catnip … went after some spiders that I thought were buffalo … then realized I was still high and made the most of it by watching the wall for a day or so …
MK: I didn’t mean the question literally. I meant why does this place look like … look like …
BC: I threw a rager … then passed out on catnip … went after some spiders that I thought were buffalo?
MK: Never mind.
BC: You’re sorry you asked.
MK: At least Gary and Larry weren’t involved this time.
BC: Of course they were! Umm … what’s a rager without the raging aliens?
MK: Raging as in partying or raging as in angry?
BC: A little of both.
MK: I quit.
BC: What?
MK: I just quit.
BC: What’s to befall me? You adopted me only to throw me back on the cruel streets?
MK: Bear …
BC: Who will give me ear rubs, and back scratches and snuggle with me?
MK: I …
BC: Who will feed me? Who will give me hugs? Who will I avoid and assert my will toward? You said you love me! Now, you’re just throwing me away like a used … used …
MK: Kleenex?
BC: I’ll be left in a dumpster to starve. I’ll lose my cat tree and all my toys. Returned to nature because I’m naughty by nature.
MK: I won’t dump you in the trash, Bear.
BC: Hmph. Just leave me on the street. We cats are domesticated, you know! We need love and litter boxes and toys.
MK: Well, actually …
BC: Why don’t you just let me finish my "making you feel bad" soliloquy instead of always interrupting?
MK: Bear, I’m not going to dump you anywhere.
BC: So you’ll dump me nowhere?
MK: I won’t dump you period – anywhere, nowhere or any place in between.
BC: Of course you won’t. You’re not THAT stupid.

MK: I just meant I was done with this conversation because it's only going to frustrate me.
BC: You mean Gary and Larry will frustrate you.
MK: But you said YOU'RE the one that threw a rager.
BC: No I didn't. It was Gary and Larry. 
MK: {sigh} Of course, it was. I had no idea aliens reacted to catnip.
BC: Those crazy aliens!
MK: How come I never see them?
BC: They're invisible.
MK: Invisible, trouble-making, world dominating, catnip affected aliens?
BC: Well, when you put it THAT way ... 
MK: It sounds like I'm describing a cat?
BC: Minus the invisible part, yes.
{Pause}
BC: RATS! NO! {CHOMP!}
MK: OWW! Nice distraction.
BC: Nice lobster. My food bowl's that way.

Picture of the Day:
The "taste test."


The lobster (unfortunate sunburn).


Featured post of the Day:
Did you miss Gary and Larry - part 1? Incatnating Bear (Gary and Larry - part 1).
Gary and Larry were introduced in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 20 {On Gary and Larry (and Bear's unique take on April Fool's Day)}.

6 comments:

  1. Double ouch on the sunburn and the taste test. I thought you were a good boy Bear?

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  2. Bear, dude, you totally scored some notches in your clas for those bites bites. Did ya add some nip sauce to that lobst'ah?

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    Replies
    1. RATS! No, I didn't. Time to try the taste test again ... hehehe. ~Bear Cat

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  3. O.M.G. I hope you're doing okay there lobster! Ack!!! Also, it sounds like you should put the catnip away next time before you leave.

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    Replies
    1. I think the worst of the sunburn is over ... who knew having a sunburn turned your skin into tissue paper for the cat that likes to throw his fangs around?

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