Saturday, June 13, 2015

Life As A Cat = Unfair = Misunderstood

Poor Bear! How does he put up with a Momma that is clearly less intelligent than him so that she never is smart enough to figure out what he wants? Being a cat is just so HARD when no one understands what you go through DAY after DAY. Witness the drama, the heartache, and the confusion with the conversations from the Momma Kat household below!
p.s. While this post is a collection of "conversations" between Momma Kat and Bear Cat, these are all original and have not been posted to Momma's Facebook page. Enjoy!

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

The Paper Bag:
BC: WHERE'S MY PAPER BAG?
MK: I threw it away because you weren't using it and it was in the way.
BC: My life is over! I need my bag! I can't live without my bag! You did this to torture me!
MK: You never even touched it or sniffed it.
BC: That's because I was mad at you for throwing the old one away. I spent a lot of time perfecting it and one day it's just gone!
MK: You threw up on the old one. It had to go.
BC: Doesn't that show you how much I loved it! You think YOU'RE the arbiter of life and death? You just casually throw away something when it's no longer pretty? Are you going to throw me away some day too?
MK: Oh, Bear. Don't you think you're being a tinge dramatic?
BC: A tinge! You insult me! I aim for maximum drama. Now I'm extra offended! I don't know what I'll do without my bag. I feel retraumatized! How can I ever trust that a bag will be there for me again?!?! How can I trust that you won't throw me away when I'm no longer pretty?
MK: Did I throw you away any of the times you rolled around in the mud on our front porch?
BC: NO! You just tried to drown me in the sink! Now I understand! You're trying to kill me!
MK: I gave you a bath. There's no killing going on in this house.
BC: Did you see the spider I left you?
MK: Let me rephrase that: MOMMA isn't doing any killing in this house.
BC: Better. You're not going to throw away fuzzball are you?
MK: You mean the ball of fake fur that no longer has anything but a little mangy mat left?
BC: YES!
MK: While it's true it's disgusting, no, I'm not going to throw it away because I know how much you love it.
BC: Hmph! I don't judge what you roll around with!
MK: Do you want another paper bag?
BC: What, so you can rip it from my cold, dead paws whenever the mood strikes you?
MK: I'll take that as a no.
BC: You don't know me at all.
MK: Look over there.
BC: A BAG! For me?!?!?! Eh. I'd rather tear up something that belongs to you. Like I said, you don't know me at all.
Bear's Pimped Out Bag (Before the Hairball That Tragically Cut Short Its Life)




The Spider:
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Because I rescued the spider from your water bowl?
BC: And then you kept me from chasing him! You encouraged him to run under the couch! You like the spider more than me! You always take the spider's side!
MK: I think you'll live for a day with out dismembering a spider. Besides they eat mosquitoes. You HATE mosquitoes!
BC: Are those the annoying buzzing insects?
MK: The ones you're scared of? Yes.
BC: But it's FUN to hunt the spider. There's nothing ELSE to do around here. And you like the spider more. See if HE'LL curl up next to you!
MK: Well if you want to go there, he also doesn't bite or attack me.
BC: You clearly underestimate the evilness of spiders.
MK: You clearly overestimate the fun in ripping their limbs off for me to find. Not to mention the random three-legged spiders I see running around.
BC: See! They're evil! They're TOO BAD TO DIE! Only something really evil lives when it loses five legs.
MK: They kill mosquitoes.
BC: You're not going to win. 
MK: I wasn't even trying.
BC: You think that's going to make a difference? "Oooh, I'm not even TRYING, so your win doesn't mean anything because I could win if I tried!"
MK: That's no where close to where I was going. 
BC: You exhaust me.
MK: The feeling's mutual. Want to snuggle?
BC: No. Maybe. Let me sit over here for a few minutes to pretend I'm not interested.


The Bathroom Mirror:
{Momma's looking at herself in the bathroom mirror - debating on how much hair to get cut}
BC: MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW. MEOW.
{Momma turns around, reaches down, and pets Bear - who bites her}
MK: YEOW! I thought you wanted to be petted?!?!?!? Wasn't that why you meowed like that?
BC: You're hogging the mirror!
MK: I thought that you kept that you looked in the mirror a secret. Remember? You told Mittens that you have to find something to knock in the toilet afterwards to cover up your true purpose . . . admiring yourself in the mirror?
BC: I don't know what you're talking about. You promised you weren't going to read what I wrote on my page! I feel violated! 
MK: You're the one complaining that I was hogging the counter and mirror.
BC: Do I have to spell out everything for you? If I get on the counter to admire myself in the mirror when you're in the bathroom, I want you to admire how beautiful I am. That's why I strut around the counter, look in the mirror, and meow in front of you. I'm reminding you how gorgeous I am and waiting for my adoring crowd to do its job. Are you done with my catwalk?
MK: Enjoy.
BC: Where are you going? You have to be in here! Didn't you listen to what I said? Hello? Come tell me how wonderful I am!
MK: {Momma peeking in} You're wonderful!
BC: No! You have to look! See this plumage? And my long, slender tail? My cute little nose? Oh! And my milkshake! Look at that! Where'd you go?
MK: You prance around in front me on the kitchen counter, the kitchen table, my desk, the couch, the bed . . . and I always give you some ear rubs or back scratches to show my appreciation. You show me those things multiple times, every day, all over the house. 
BC: What?!?!? So it makes them any less special? You don't appreciate me!
{Bear stands up on his hind legs to reach the shelves above the toilet and clears an entire shelf into the toilet with his front paw}
BC: Do you appreciate me NOW?!?!? Huh? Momma? MomMA! Where'd you go? {looking in to the mirror again} I AM sexy. Look at that {checking out his milkshake in the mirror}. NICE.
MK: SEE? You don't need me for that.
BC: Talk to the butt.
MK: I already am.
BC: Hmph! I've never been so insulted . . . Don't appreciate me . . . insult me all the time . . . try to starve me . . . I'll show her!
{Bear stands up on his hind legs to reach the shelves above the toilet and clears another entire shelf into the toilet with his front paw}
{Bear jumps off the counter and swaggers away}

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