Friday, July 28, 2017

About Ellie

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

EM: I'm thankful for my Momma.
BC: Who?
EM: My Momma!
BC: The crazy lady who runs around and does weird stuff?

EM: Ummmm ...
BC: The one with the doughnut butt?
EM: Well, I haven't really looked that closely ... I guess so.
BC: She's actually MY Momma.
EM: She's my Momma too!
BC: No, she's not.
EM: YES. She is! She TOLD me she's my Momma and she loves me!
BC: I knew it! She's losing her mind! She must confuse me for you.

{Pause}
BC: Then again ... who in their right mind would confuse me and you?!? Phht. I'm handsome! You're just one color.
EM: I'm thankful for my Momma.
BC: You already said that.
EM: Yeah, well, I mean it!
BC: You have low standards.
EM: She feeds us and scoops our litter boxes and plays with us!
BC: I guess she's good to bite ... I can be thankful for  ...
EM: She feeds us and scoops our litter boxes and plays with us!
BC: Phht. The Boy can do all that stuff too ... but he's just a huge pain in the behind.
EM: My Daddy? I LOVE my Daddy!
BC: Barf.
EM: I have the best Daddy EVER!
BC: Barf squared.
{Pause}
BC: Though, I do like biting my Momma.
EM: I don't bite Momma. I love her.
BC: I bite her BECAUSE I love her.
EM: That makes no sense.

BC: What ... did you flunk out of cat school?
EM: This from the cat that's grounded well into his ninth life.
BC: Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you? Biting IS love!
EM: Is that why you bite The Boy?
BC: {GASP} NO! I don't love him at all. He's just a huge pain in my behind! {Shaking in disgust} Uuuuuhhhh! He has boy-ties, you know!
EM: Didn't you jump on his lap earlier today?
BC: Err ... ummm ... that was an accident.
EM: How do you accidentally jump in someone's lap?
BC: How do you accidentally steal somecat's Momma?
EM: There was no accident! Momma and I were meant to be together!
BC: Are you saying I'm not enough cat for her?!?!
EM: Well, I wasn't actually saying that ... but now that you bring it up ... you DO almost weigh fourteen pounds.

BC: HEY! I'm fourteen pounds of fluff!
EM: And furry fury.
BC: Yes, my claws and fangs are forces to be reckoned with. Don't make me open up my can of ...
EM: Are you always pugnacious?
BC: WHAT?!?! I'm not a PUG! Come here and see my little friends!
EM: Are you always grumpy?
BC: You'd be grumpy too! I'll have you know I've put up with all kinds of nonsense! I put up with singing and dancing and The Boy and THE BOY!!! And grabby hands and doughnut butts and SHARING the desk chair! What more can anyone ask of a cat?
EM: No biting?
BC: What is your obsession with biting? Maybe if you bit more your fixation would stop.
EM: Stop fighting with me!
BC: Then stop fighting with me!
EM: I'm not!
BC: You are!
EM: Never ...
BC: I win.
EM: FINE!
BC: I won.
EM: Momma said you could help me.

BC: Help you be a winner instead of a loser? Phht. Not likely. Unless you start biting and acting like a cat, I can't help you.
EM: I've had enough of your surly attitude. 
{Ellie wraps her paws around Bear's neck}
EM: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

BC: {running away} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ellie's killing me! She's killing me! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!!!
{Silence ... Bear looks around}
BC: Where did you go?

EM: I wasn't chasing you.
BC: Why not? If I run, you're supposed to chase me! Am I now not good enough for you to chase?
EM: I just wanted to whack you once so you'd shut up for a minute or two.
BC: I don't shut up just because someone tells me to! In fact, I don't shut up when ANYONE tells me to! I'm my own cat.
EM: {fake snoring} ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
BC: Fine. WHAT?!?!
EM: Momma says she's struggling to give me a voice on our blog. She said yours came easy. 
BC: Phht. I'll have you know that "easy" defines me in no way, shape or form! Well, unless you're a tortie or a ginger girl.
EM: Can you help me?
BC: Wait wait wait! This is MY blog, why do YOU need a voice?
EM: It's OURS!
BC: Oh, no. NONONONONONONONONONONONONO HEEEEEEELLLL NO! I'm the star!
EM: Okay.
BC: Okay, what?
EM: Okay. You can be the star.
BC: WHAT?!?! I CAN be the star?!?! Like I need YOUR permission?
EM: No. I just mean you get all grumpy and put out and you act like everything is yours and should be your way. It's all kind of diva-ish. I'm a simple girl. I just like playing and loves.

BC: And being annoying! And sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!
EM: You're the one that keeps SNIFFING me for no reason! Your nose has been ALL UP in my business!
BC: So I'm taking you under my wing and showing you what it means to be a cat?
EM: I'm a perfectly fine cat as I am, thank you very much. Momma just said you could help me find my voice on the blog.
BC: MY blog?
EM: {sigh} YOUR blog.
BC: Alrighty then! Why didn't you say that before?
EM: I did. I said you could be the star. Momma wasn't kidding when she said talking to you is like pulling teeth balanced on a unicycle on a windy day.
BC: I don't have to put up with this abuse. I'm going to my window!

EM: What window?
BC: MY window! In Momma's room.
EM: Is that where you go when you disappear?
BC: RATS!
EM: Fine. I'll ask my Momma to help me.
BC: MY Momma!
EM: I'm going to be the one snuggling with her ... that makes her mine.
{Stunned silence}
BC: {to himself} For a stupid girl, she actually kind of makes sens ... NAH. Who am I kidding?
{Bear climbs in his window and relaxes in the sun}

{Ellie walks out to the family room where Momma's working}
EM: Bear wouldn't help me.
MK: Hi, Precious Princess. Cuddles?
EM: Yes, please. 
MK: {holding Ellie in her arms} Maybe we can start with what you like and don't like?

EM: I like Bear's food.
MK: {sigh} Of course.

EM: I love my Momma and my Daddy!
MK: We love you too, Precious Princess. You're a blessing to us both. That first time we met ... when I saw you in the rescue's glass enclosure ... our eyes met and we recognized each other ... and then you danced for me and rubbed up against the glass. I couldn't walk away. I had to ask to hold you.
EM: I like when you and Daddy let me put my front paws on your shoulders so you can rub me from ears to tail.


MK: And you like laying monorail style on your Daddy's leg while he pets you.
EM: And I love your belly rubs!
EM: Daddy says I purr like I'm on batteries! 
MK: And you do a little happy dance with your front paws.
EM: I LOVE being rubbed between my shoulder blades ... and ear rubs. 

EM: Oooooh yeah! Right ... PUUUUUURRRR ... there ... PURRRRRRRR.
MK: Yet you know how to be goofy too!
EM: And I LOVE boxes!
MK: You're very playful too! You love your toys ... especially the crinkle balls and sparkle balls!
EM: My catnip banana is my favorite! And the turbo track! And the brown crinkly paper!

MK: And you eat just about anything! Since we've been trying new foods, it's kind of obvious how picky Bear can be ... and you don't miss a beat. He doesn't like his? You'll eat his too! But you also like cheese and hot dogs ... you'll eat just about anything.
EM: You call me a garbage disposal!
MK: Except that cheerio your Daddy dropped on the floor.
EM: No. It was tasty, but it was a whole lot more fun to bat around the kitchen floor!
MK: I just can't believe that you beat Bear to the kitchen just about every time.
EM: The early kitty gets the bird. Or something like that.
MK: You are pretty cute.
EM: I like to sleep in the bunched up blanket under the bed.

MK: Daddy and I love the tiny patch of white fur you have on the back of your head. You have a few others - like one on your left front paw. It's literally only a few strands of white ... but it's so unique and adorable!

MK: Daddy and I also love how much you love to talk. You'll chirp merrily along as if we're having a conversation. You also talk when you like that we're touching you. 
EM: I like my new family. Even Bear. Well, MOST of the time.
MK: Maybe the best way to describe you is that you're mostly sweet - even your love bites don't include teeth - with just a tinge of impatience for your brother's nonsense. 
EM: Occasionally, I have to chase him to remind him who's boss. I put up with a lot from him ... and I'm okay with that ... but every little sister has her limits!
MK: That's okay. He's been terrorizing me and The Boy with his "I'm the shark" game and he's awfully bossy.
EM: That's one word for it.
{Momma and Ellie giggle ...}
BC: {walking into the room} What's so funny?
{Momma and Ellie keep giggling}
BC: What's wrong with you two?
{Momma and Ellie keep giggling}
BC: Great. First I had to deal with Momma giggling with The Boy ... and now you two are giggling! I have NO IDEA what's so funny! If I didn't know better, I'd say you're laughing at me! But I'm as serious as a heart attack! 
{Pause}
BC: Ooooooh. You're laughing at The Boy, right?
MK: Sure.
BC: I knew it! He looks pretty ridiculous when he runs away from me when I'm the shark. That Boy provides endless entertainment. 
EM: {under her breath} He's not the only one.
BC: And most of the time, he's completely clueless about it too! It's like he doesn't realize I'm laughing at him!
{Momma and Ellie giggle ...}
BC: What's gotten into you two? 

{Silence}
BC: WOMEN! Can't understand them, can't make them shut up.
{Momma and Ellie turn to Bear}
BC: Uh oh. Errr ... I hear my real Mom calling ... BYE!!!

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