Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Junk in the trunk

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat

BC: I really hate the weekends.
EM: Why?!?! We get TONS of snuggle time! I can snuggle with my Daddy ALL DAY!
BC: Barf. You haven't noticed that, on the weekends, Momma and The Boy have nothing to do - so they pick us up and try to snuggle us most of the weekend? Not to mention, Momma's bored and keeps chasing us around with that stupid camera.

EM: She can't help it! I'm adorable!
BC: Oh, yeah. SURE. YOU'RE the reason she takes so many pictures.
EM: What else would it be?! You look like a furry meatloaf. What's cute about that?
BC: HEY! I'm CUTE! I'm VERY cute!
EM: Denial ain't just the river in Egypt.
BC: You turn every conversation into making fun of me!
EM: You make it easy!
BC: AS I WAS SAYING ... I hate the weekends because the humans are all up in our face. We're only safe during the work week!
EM: I LIKE cuddling with my Daddy.

BC: Suck up.
EM: I'd rather be a suck up than bite the hand that feeds me.
BC: How many times do I have to explain to you that Momma feeds me with her RIGHT hand and I bite her left?
{Pause}
EM: I got it! I got it! Bear! Look what I caught!

BC: HEY! That's my tail!
EM: No, it's not. It's ... it's ... some kind of tiny worm.
BC: TINY?!?! I'll have you know my tail isn't TINY!
EM: This isn't your tail.

BC: Yes, it is!
{Pause}
{WHAP!}
BC: STOP IT!
EM: SHHHHH!!! I'm hunting!
BC: Yeah! MY tail!
EM: It's not your tail! It's flicking all over in front of me. Surely it wants me to chase and kill it.

BC: IT'S MY TAIL!
EM: Don't be ridiculous. 
BC: I think I know what's my tail and what's NOT my tail!
EM: Why would I want YOUR tail?!? 
BC: HEY! What's wrong with my tail?
EM: It's short and thin. I have a beautiful, long, bushy tail! Why would I want yours?
BC: HEY! It's bad enough you can't leave my tail alone ... but now you insult it?!? AGAIN?!?!
EM: The pink elephant's tail in Momma's dream must've been longer than yours. She did you a favor!

BC: She also dreamed I changed into a cow! No doubt, another jab at my weight. You got to be the tiger! Momma clearly has some latent and repressed animosity toward me.
EM: You DO bite her an awful lot. And you've pulled quite a few stunts.
BC: Oh, shut up! A cat gets his paw stuck in a toaster and he never hears the end of it!
EM: I don't think that's the ONLY ...
BC: I think Momma has some voodoo magical powers. She jokes about turning me into a toad ... she takes the broom in the closet for a spin every so often ... her cooking tastes like feet ... she says a lot of things that sound like gibberish ... she's a few spells short of a vocabulary textbook ... I highly suspect she collects our fur and clips our claws for her concoctions - instead of for our benefit ... And now she has a black cat and her face has taken on a green-ish tint?!? If we move to a house made of candy or she develops warts ... I swear, I'll quit!
EM: Your poop HAS been really stinky lately.
BC: What does that have to do with anything?!?
EM: The green-ish tint to Momma's face! Smelling your poop would knock anyone out.
BC: Like your poop doesn't stink!

EM: Phht. Nope. It does. I just have the courtesy to cover it.
{Pause}
BC: On second thought ... she brushed my teeth last night and clipped my claws, so maybe the proper term for her starts with a 'b.' 
{THUNK}
MK: OW!
BC: I didn't do it!
The Boy: Honey?!
EM: DADDY?!?! Daddy?!?! Are you okay?
BC: What's wrong with you?!?! HE'S RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU! Clearly the noise wasn't from him.
The Boy: I'm okay.
EM: If you're okay, that's all that matters. Your lap is irreplaceable!
{Silence}
BC: {running to find Momma} Momma?!?! MOMMA!!!! You better be alive or ... or ... I'll kill you! {To The Boy} CALL 999! We might need an ambulance!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... they don't deliver tasty whole chickens do they?!? I mean, being without tasty whole chickens IS an emergency! We could kill two birds with one stone so to speak.
EM: How did this idiot survive so long?
The Boy: You aren't kidding. He's ... umm ... "special."
BC: {running into the bathroom to find Momma on the floor} Are you okay?
MK: Yes, I just ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I don't want to know which of your iniquities caught up with you.

MK: YOU LOVE ME! It's so sweet you came running and worried about me ...
BC: So I'm not stuck with dumbnuts and dumber-nuts?!? Hmmm ... or maybe that should be dumb-nuttier?! Dumber-nuttier?
MK: What?
BC: Intelligence flashed before my eyes.
{Pause as Bear hears snickering from the other room}
BC: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!!! {To himself} Son of a ... I REALLY must stop and think before I open my tasty whole chicken trap.
MK: So the only reason you came to check up on me is because you didn't want to be left with The Boy and Ellie?
BC: Of course not! I'm not completely without scruples. I also wanted to be sure I'd get my wet food treat.
MK: Bear ...
BC: So you'll be alive to give me my wet food treat in less than an hour?
MK: I think so ...
BC: You THINK so!?!? You THINK so?!?!? I don't think so! Nope. Yes or no.
MK: {sighing} Yes, you'll get your wet food treat.
BC: Phew! My wet food treat passed before my eyes. That was close. I almost starved. 
{Pause}
BC: Look at my butt, Momma! It's tiny! I need more junk in my trunk.

MK: BEAR! Do you REALLY have to show me your butt while I'm laying on the floor?
BC: How ELSE will you realize the severity of the problem? On the floor ... or on the toilet ... equals a captive audience.
MK: You couldn't wait for me to gather my wits?
BC: What wits?!? You've been GATHERING wits for a long time ... you just don't have much to show for it.
MK: Bear ...
BC: I saw what you did the other day! You set your black t-shirt on the bed as you put your pants on ... then you started petting the t-shirt because you thought it was Ellie
MK: I just woke up!! And out of the side of my eye ...
BC: You're always walking into things ... doors ... walls ... FURNITURE ... trying to flip light switches in places the light switches have never been ... you burn yourself just about every time you cook ... you refuse to iron because you always burn yourself ... you burn all the kitchen utensils to the stove top. If it's stupid ... you've done it!
EM: {heard from the other room} She adopted you!
MK: {getting up} I fell out of the shower!
BC: You should be more careful stepping out of the shower!
MK: I wasn't stepping out of the shower! I FELL out of the shower in the middle of my shower!
BC: You can't make this stuff up!

MK: Bear, I was leaning out of the tub to grab something in the drawer of the vanity when I slipped and fell out of the tub.
BC: My personal favorite Momma story is from last year. You stepped on your desk chair to reach something on the ceiling - forgetting your new desk chair tilts back - it tilted and your weight went backward ... and TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMBBEEEEEEEEEER!!! Then you did it again a few days later. Your wrist was messed up for a YEAR! I really need to learn how to use that stupid camera!
{Momma steps back in the shower}
BC: WHOOOOOOOOAA! You've got a GINORMOUS bruise on your butt! Holy cat crap on a cracker ... it's the size of your ENTIRE butt!
MK: Just kick a person when they're down.
BC: But you got up already! And you're not a person! You're a Momma! I didn't mean to imply that your butt was ginormous too ... but if the ginormous pants fit ... let's just say that you don't need any more junk in your trunk.
MK: Never mind.
BC: I'll be right back.
{Bear runs out ... Momma hears whispers and giggling from the other room ... then Bear's back ... this time sitting on the bath mat so that he can watch Momma as she finishes her shower}.
BC: {meowing away} I'm NEVER going to be able to erase this image from my poor mind! BURNED into my consciousness for the rest of my life! But yet, I must do what's right! I must make sure my sister and I get fed! Oh, the sacrifices I make ... the burdens I bear. Perhaps that's why I was named Bear ... to bear the world's suffering and pain so that others might live!
{Momma rolls her eyes}
BC: It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

MK: {muttering to herself} And he tells me I keep talking and can't shut up.
BC: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. 
MK: BEAR!
BC: {meowing away} Don't BEAR me! You're the one who almost killed yourself by falling OUT of the bathtub! PAY ATTENTION!!!! Do you know what it would do to me to lose you?!?! NO! 
MK: Awww. Bear ...
BC: {meowing away} NO! I'd be stuck with dumbnuts! And he'd put me on a DIET! He gets mad at me for biting him! What would I do with all my furry fury?!?! I'd never be the same!!!
The Boy: {from the other room} You think I'D keep YOU?!?!
BC: Would you send me to a tasty whole chicken farm?!? Because if so, let's negotiate!
MK: HEY! I'm not going anywhere. And you're not going anywhere. 
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
MK: You don't have to sit here and watch the rest of my ...
BC: Huh. You're right. If you fell out of the shower again, you'd cat-cake me! 

{Bear steps back a few feet}
BC: Now, where was I?!? Oh, yeah. STOP BEING DUMB! Stop doing dumb stuff! If you don't stop it, I'll kill you myself!!!
MK: {getting out of the shower} I love you, Bear.
BC: Yeah, yeah ... whatever.
{Pause}
BC: PSST! Come closer! 
{Momma leans down}
BC: {Almost whispering} I love you too, Momma. 


❀ From A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

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Saturday, September 16, 2017

Pet Blogger Showcase 09/16/2017

Twice a month, Bear and I co-host a Pet Blogger Linky Party along with co-hosts PetFavesHeart Like A Dog, and Felines Opines. If you missed the last Pet Blogger Showcase, you can view it here: Pet Blogger Showcase 09/01/2017. To view all the past weeks of the Showcase that we co-hosted, click the link: Pet Blogger Showcase.

Why do Bear and I like blog hops and linky parties? 
  • We've met so many incredible new friends we'd never find otherwise. For the majority of blogs Bear and I visit on a regular basis, probably eighty percent of them or more we found through participating in blog hops.
  • With the variety of blogs that participate, there's so much to learn for those of us who can never know enough. Not to mention that there are a lot of touching, fascinating, or otherwise unique stories to be told outside of one's "niche."
  • They are great ways to build relationships within the blogging community. When Momma recently went through a tough time emotionally, our blogging friends were our best supports. So building relationships with other bloggers isn't just about increasing readership, but also connecting in meaningful ways that can often be lost behind a computer screen.
If you join our Party, please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

In keeping with the tradition of this particular linky party, my favorite link ups from the last Showcase follow. A note on the last Showcase ... Bear and I were ecstatic at how many link ups we had last time!!! Especially with the great showing of felines! THANK YOU to everyone/everycat/everydog who linked up ... the Showcase is made better by each and every friend who joins: you ARE the Showcase!

*** Ginger Ninja Appreciation Day with Fudge and We got a Make-Offur! - Basil's Blog ***

We love the stories of Fudge's antics. He certainly runs his petcretary ragged. His handsomeness surely makes up for it though, right?! And while you're there, check out the make-over of Basil's Blog. We think it's every bit as sexy as the cat himself.

Phoebe from 15andmeowing always cracks us up. Much like Bear Cat, she's always providing commentary on the quality of service of her human assistants. As usual, in this post, her Mom is the subject of her scorn. Fair?! Probably not. But you must admire her spitfire attitude.
We love all the unique kitties, rabbits, and dog at Purrseidon's house. Purrseidon was "raised" by Saphera, her doggy big sister. Another fun fact? Purr LOVES water and begs her humans to take her to the beach. Her kitty brother, Mr M, loves astronomy and the sky - many of his posts teach us things we didn't know. Given Purr's love of water, we enjoy her amusement at her siblings' quirks and peculiarities in this specific post.

Wait! Wait! One ... no more!!! We're counting this as a chosen ORGANIZATION ... though the blog itself is amazing and WELL WORTH your visit. For as long as I cohost, I will praise and raise awareness for PAWS, an incredible rescue in Norwalk, Connecticut that I've come to admire and wholeheartedly support. We LOVE Animal Shelter Volunteer Life because of their upbeat attitude and because they do a phenomenal job of sharing this particular rescue - and the cats available for adoption there. PAWS offers a lot of great programs including a "pension plan" for senior pets up for adoption. We encourage our readers to visit these two blogs, check out the amazing animals up for adoption on PAWS' website, and support rescue efforts at PAWS and locally.

*********************************************************************************


Welcome to the Pet Blogger Showcase! This is the place for you to show off your favorite family friendly pet related posts, find other great posts to read, show some love to other bloggers and maybe be featured on one of the host blogs!

Meet the Hosts Behind the Showcase

PetFaves- Living the pet lover lifestyle

Heart Like A Dog- The good, the bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs

Felines Opines- The world from a feline point of view

Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat- The humorous and touching tales of a formerly homeless, yet always extraordinary, feline and his Momma, who's just along for the ride.

About the Pet Blogger Showcase

Twice a month, On the 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month, you have the chance to link up one of your blog posts to the linky party link-up. Then visit 3 other blogs that joined the party and leave a meaningful comment. Feel free to share with your followers on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. Then each week the hosts will feature their favorite 3 posts from the previous Linky Party on the new party post.

Pet Blogger Showcase Rules

1.    Share a pet specific post, past or present, from your blog in the linky below. Family friendly posts only. (We love reading about other topics and niches, but posts that are not pet related will be deleted this includes any posts that don’t mention pets even if they are on a pet blog or if the post could pertain to pets.)
2.    Spread the Love! Leave a quality comment(more than just a few words) on at least 3 other posts from the linky party. Tell them why you love their post, encourage them, share on social media.
3.    Check back for the next linky party to see if you are featured on one of the hosts’ blogs.

*Note: By adding your post to the linky party you are giving the hosts permission to use an image from your post if your post will be a featured post on their blog to help encourage people to click through to your post. The image may be used individually or as a collage.

ALSO ... please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

That’s it! No need to RSVP. No need to bring a covered dish. No need to add the linky to your post. No need to include a button. Just come join the party and PAWTY ON

Friday, September 15, 2017

Something is very VERY wrong around here, part 2

If you missed part 1, you may find it here: Something is very VERY wrong around here!
For a special behind-the-scenes look at what happens in the Momma Kat household ... after the post - and before the, "Featured posts," section, you'll find a set of pictures that came out of our most recent photo-shoot.

EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Body of EM/personality of BC: {Sitting outside the bathroom as Momma uses the facilities} Where's dumbo?

MK: Bear?
Body of EM/personality of BC: What? Don't 'Bear' me! I'll call whoever I want dumbo!
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: You didn't answer my question. Where's dumbo?
MK: I wasn't calling you Bear! I was asking if that's who you were referring to as dumbo.
Body of EM/personality of BC: Hahahahaha. REAL funny. I ***ALMOST*** laughed. But no. I'll laugh after I bite some sense into you.
MK: I see we're now on day two of  ... of ... the body switcheroo. I thought you were Ellie. So if Ellie's saying "dumbo" she'd be referring to Bear. That's why I was confused.
Body of EM/personality of BC: Bless your heart ... it's not your fault you're stupid! You spend most of your life confus ... {screams when she/he sees him/herself in the mirror} I'M STILL A GIRL! Oh, the ignominy! I'm SCREWED! I'll never pee the same! I'll never reason again!
MK: Like you ever have.
Body of EM/personality of BC: HEY! I'm a cat with an intelligence way beyond your own! Just because YOU don't understand my reason, doesn't mean it's not there! 
MK: And what was the reason for this gem? 
{Momma shows Bear a picture of him biting the couch}

Body of EM/personality of BC: Can't you see that I'm distraught!?!?! I'll only care about my appearance for the rest of my life!
MK: Ummm ... You've spent hours a day admiring yourself in the mirror, Bear. Remember your, "I'm too sexy," show? Or your, "I  feel pretty," act?
Body of EM/personality of BC: It's NOT an act! I DO feel pretty! Or I did before I ended up in Ellie's body.
MK: I don't know WHAT you two got into.
Body of EM/personality of BC: We didn't do it! We just woke up this way!
MK: Uh huh. And I wake up at 3:47 am just because I have an overwhelming urge to pet you.
Body of EM/personality of BC: You should! You should be concerned that you don't feel an overwhelming urge to pet me while you sleep. Something's wrong with you!
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: I meant something ELSE is wrong with you. There's A LOT wrong with you ... sheesh. I shouldn't even be surprised. The question should be ... is there anything RIGHT with you?
MK: Thanks. Nights are for sleeping.
Body of EM/personality of BC: If you're a party pooper!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Who's pooping at parties?

Body of EM/personality of BC: People who sleep at night.
Body of BC/personality of EM: People who sleep at night poop at parties?!? YOU sleep at night!
Body of EM/personality of BC: Oh, shut up!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Hard to believe they'd be invited back if they poop at parties.
Body of EM/personality of BC: Can't you at least sound intelligent when you're stealing my body?
Body of BC/personality of EM: STEALING?!? You can have it back! These stripes make your butt look big. Not to mention, your butt is a weapon of mass destruction. You swing that thing around and everything topples.
Body of EM/personality of BC: Leave my ... err ... YOUR butt out of this!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Its size kind of makes that difficult.
Body of EM/personality of BC: Stop calling me fat!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Then stop BEING fat!
Body of EM/personality of BC: Like being you is so much better!
Body of BC/personality of EM: All your life, you've wanted to be a black cat and a princess! 
Body of EM/personality of BC: Being a black cat is overrated. I can't do anything I couldn't before! I'm just one color! I EARNED those stripes! And being a princess doesn't make anyone serve me any better. THIS SUCKS!
Body of BC/personality of EM: This is a dream for you.
Body of EM/personality of BC: No, it's not!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Yes, it is!
Body of EM/personality of BC: Nightmare!
Body of BC/personality of EM: DREAM.
Body of EM/personality of BC: NIGHTMARE!
Body of BC/personality of EM: NIGHTMARE!!!
Body of EM/personality of BC: DREAM.
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: RATS! Stop tricking me!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Maybe you should just be smarter!
MK: CATS!!!

Body of BC/personality of EM: He started it!
Body of EM/personality of BC: No. SHE started it.
Body of BC/personality of EM: You started it!
Body of EM/personality of BC: No. YOU started it.
Body of BC/personality of EM: YOU!
Body of EM/personality of BC: YOU!
Body of BC/personality of EM: Shut up!
Body of EM/personality of BC: YOU shut up!
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: MommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMA! Make Ellie shut ...
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: Where'd Momma go?
{A loud poof occurs ...}
{A stuffed animal dog appears ...}

Body of EM/personality of BC: Bear?! Wait. No. I'M Bear. ELLIE?!?! ELLIE?! Where did you go?

{Silence}
Body of EM/personality of BC: This is so weird! Where did everyone go? I ...
{Pause}
Body of EM/personality of BC: Hello?!? HELLO?!?
{A loud poof occurs ...}
{A stuffed animal pink elephant appears ...}

Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} VERY FUNNY! Very funny! I'm an elephant. I'm getting really tired of these fat jokes!
{A loud poof occurs ...}
{A stuffed animal cow appears ...}
Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} A cow! HILARIOUS. She gets to be a dog - but the best I can be is a PINK ELEPHANT?!?
{A loud poof occurs ...}
{A stuffed animal turkey appears ...}
Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} Someone's having a lot of fun at my expense. HARDY HAR! I want to be myself again! I can't talk out loud! I can't make a peep! This is an injustice! 
{A loud poof occurs ...}
{A stuffed animal tiger appears ...}
Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me! MY body ... but Ellie's personality turned into a TIGER! And the best I could get is a TURKEY? Oh, hardy har. I get to be an animal celebrated by having bread shoved up its butt once a year. Momma has something to do with this. I know it.
Body of BC/personality of EM: {thinking to herself} A tiger! I'm a tiger! Blech. A filthy dog. This is DEFINITELY an upgrade! Where did Bear go? All I see is a stuffed animal turkey. Not a pig? Or an elephant?! Talk about poetic justice! BEAR! Holy tiger's tail! I can't make a sound! I'm trapped in here! Now if it happened to Bear, the world would rejoice. That boy can't keep his mouth shut.
MK: BEAR?!?! ELLIE?!?! Where are you?!?!
{Silence}
MK: {to The Boy} I can't find the cats anywhere! All I see is a stuffed tiger and a stuffed turkey! How did they get from the shelf to here?
Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} I DIDN'T DO IT!
MK: Must've been the cats. I'll put them back on the shelf.
{Momma picks up the stuffed turkey}
Body of EM/personality of BC: {thinking to himself} UNHAND ME, WOMAN! Put me down! No! I don't want to sit on the shelf! I can't see what Ellie's doing up here! 
MK: The cats disappear ... my stuffed animals are moved ... 
{Pause}
MK: No. That's not poss ...
BC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!
MK: Huh?!? Bear?!
BC: Who else would drop kick you at 3:58 am?

MK: I was sleeping!
BC: I let you sleep in for ELEVEN MINUTES! You're welcome. You were making all kinds of weird sounds ... I waited to see if you'd explode.
MK: BEEEEEAAARR!
BC: It's time to pay attention to me!
MK: And you can't wake up The Boy?
BC: Not any more. Last time I sat on his chest when he was sound asleep, he was sure he was having a heart attack.
EM: Maybe if you weren't so fat ... 
BC: I didn't ask for opinions from the peanut gallery!
EM: I'm not the one that's nuts around here.
BC: Don't you have anything better to do than heckle me and make fun of me?
EM: No. That's my job. Keepin' it real since 2017.
BC: You're such a pain in my ...
EM: YOU'RE a pain!
BC: NO! YOU'RE A PAIN!
EM: YOU ...
MK: KNOCK IT OFF! You wake me up just so you can fight in bed while I'm trying to sleep?
BC: By the sounds you were making when you were asleep, I did you a favor.

MK: I had a REALLY weird dream. It was the ODDEST concatenation. First, you and Ellie switched bodies ... and then you both turned into stuffed animals. You turned into a cow.
BC: Hahahaha. Make another, "Bear's fat," joke! You know, it's getting REALLY old!
{Bear rambles on}
MK: {mumbling to herself} Sometimes, I wish he was a stuffed turkey that couldn't talk out loud. I'd get a lot more sleep.
BC: HEY! Are you listening to me?!? I'm telling you off!

What happens during a photo-shoot in the Momma Kat household? Gone are the days where my biggest concern was Bear's butt or streaking form through the pictures. These days, there are TWO streaking cats - and a healthy dose of them trying to pounce on each other. Everything becomes a toy, backdrops are destroyed, and nonsense reigns supreme. In a later post, I'll include all the pictures as well as dialogue ... but just enjoy the selected picture show for today!

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