Friday, February 24, 2017

No more boys

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
The Boy
Boy #2

Daily conversation - No more boys:
BC: {walking into the family room where he finds Momma and a DIFFERENT boy} Oh, no no no no no no no. HEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO! Uh uh. NOT going to happen. Not ANOTHER one!

MK: Shh.
BC: No. Don't shhh me! NO MORE BOYS! 

MK: BEAR!
BC: NO. One Boy living here is more than enough. This is illegal! And immoral! And just plain wrong!
{The Boy walks in the room}
BC: Do you see this crap? Did you have something to do with this?!?! Because let me tell you ...
The Boy: Ummm ...
BC: THERE'S ANOTHER BOY, DIMWIT!

The Boy: Well, it's not really the ...
BC: Are you just multiplying like bunnies? Or are you cloning yourself? Because I swear, if I see you break into two boys, I'm going to open a can of whoop-ass first and ask questions later!
The Boy: He's not here to ...
BC: {looking repeatedly from the visitor boy to The Boy} Uh uh. NOT GONNA happen! Not in this lifetime or in any of my eight other lives! My Momma's a harlot! How much money do you make, Momma? With all the guys moving through here, I should have a tasty whole chicken farm by now!
The Boy: What guys?
BC: You. The guy on the love seat. My family room's turned into a waiting room! NO! A BOY FARM! What is wrong with you people?!?! And in front of my toys and cat tree! Do you not have decency or respect for innocents?

MK: Says the cat that rips the ears off the "innocents" and beats the smack out of them.
BC: HEY! I don't tell you how to play with YOUR toys!
MK: Ummm ... actually ...
BC: RATS! But that's only because YOUR toys are MY toys! But these boys? ALL YOURS! I can't have a tasty whole chicken farm, but you can have a boy farm?
The Boy: Bear, this guy's here to ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR DEBAUCHERY! MIND BLEACH!!! I NEED LOTS OF MIND BLEACH! No! My brain needs washing! With bleach! With extra-strength bleach! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO! I need a brain TRANSPLANT!

The Boy: Can we choose a low attitude, smarter model this time?
{Bear stares at The Boy}
The Boy: I mean, you do kind of stupid stuff all the time ...
BC: Says The Boy that broke up with my Momma HOW many times?
MK: BEAR!
{Pause}
BC: WHAT?!?!? I'm so stressed, I'm MOLTING! 
The Boy: Well, your Momma and I love each other very much.
BC: Excuse you while I barf a little! Nothing says "I love you," like my Momma's boy collection.
The Boy: Collection?
BC: Didn't I warn you?!? Wait a ... 
{Pause}
BC: {to the second boy} Do you have a tasty whole chicken farm? Because I could trade one boy for another.
Boy #2: Excuse me?
BC: A T-A-S-T-Y space W-H-O-L-E space C-H-I-C-K-E-N space F-A-R-M.
Boy #2: I don't think so.
BC: I KNEW IT! Momma is choosing only boys that don't have tasty whole chicken farms! Then again, a boy with smarts and taste would have a tasty whole chicken farm AND because of that intelligence and taste, he wouldn't date my Momma. I'M SCREWED!!!
Boy #2: This guy's pretty funny ...
MK: Don't encourage him!
BC: ENCOURAGE ME!!! ENCOURAGE ME!!!

Boy #2: ... for a cat.
BC: HEY! That's it! Prepare to die!
Boy #2: Hahahahahaha ... {he stops as he sees Bear's face} ... ummm. UH OH!
BC: {narrowing his eyes} What are your intentions with my Momma?
Boy #2: Actually, I'm here to ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Don't make me an accomplice to your evility and depravity! Did I ask? No!
Boy #2: Actually you ...
BC: RATS! WHO ASKED YOU?!?!

Boy #2: Actually ...
BC: Is that the only word you know?
Boy #2: No. I mean ...
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!
Boy #2: YOU DID!
BC: I must be more stressed than I thought! 
MK: Bear, the guy's here to look at the television.
BC: I don't care! You have to take this one back to the store! I know you like to stock up on stuff, but do we really need TWO boys? I think not!

MK: What are you ...
BC: Or the boy farm or wherever else you dragged him in from.
MK: Bear, he's not going to be here for very long!
BC: Here's my list of conditions ... no one eats my food, climbs on my cat tree, snuggles with my Momma, plays with my toys ... you try, you die.
The Boy: Well, I mean, I've been snuggling with your Momma ... {seeing Bear's face}.
{Pause}
The Boy: Uh oh. I better pick up my shoes and put away my work papers before we go to bed tonight. We don't want a repeat of last week.
BC: Hahahaha. You're welcome. Now THAT was a true masterpiece if I might say so myself! I was pretty proud of that one! 

{Pause}
BC: OH! One more condition ... no more bears! Or copy cats disguised as bears.
MK: Bear, the teddy bear is cute! And he hasn't messed with you.
BC: One can never be too sure or too safe! I mean, I'm cute and I know how to destroy stuff!!! 
The Boy: He has a point.
BC: No. I have twenty two points to be exact. Would you like a demonstration?
The Boy: Hahahahahaha ... err ... oh, you're serious. Err ... no thank you.
BC: I HATE YOU! You're no fun!
{Pause}
BC: {to the second boy} How about you?
The Boy: HEY!
BC: Well, if you don't want to play, I should give the other guy a chance ... he might be a keeper. Then your job would no longer be available.
The Boy: HEY! Last time was more than enough!
BC: Hehehehehe. It WAS a good one. But my favorite was a week ago. Hahahahaha. I'm the shark.
The Boy: Oh, no, you don't!
BC: Come on! It'll be fun! What good are my claws and fangs if I can't use them? I have to get some furry fury out before it gets all clogged up!
{The doorbell rings}
BC: The aliens are here! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Bear runs under the bed}

Boy #2: Is he always like that?
The Boy: Mr. Tough Pants strikes again!
BC: HEY! I heard that!
The Boy: Uh oh.

Featured posts of the day:

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Bear vs. Bear

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Bear vs. Bear:
BC: You want to antagonize me? Antagonize me. MAKE MY DAY.

{Pause}
BC: That's IT! I've had enough of you, bear! You poop sucker! You ... you ... spawn of evility!
{Pause}
BC: Wipe that smug smile off your face or I'll do it FOR you, goat sniffer!
{Pause}
BC: I saw that! You WINKED at me, mother-meower. You want a date? Dream on! You're MY b!tch!
{Pause}
BC: Prepare to die!
{Pause}
BC: What? WHAT?!?! I heard that!

{Pause}
BC: Do I look like a pansy? You think I'm afraid to show you who's boss around here?
{Pause}
BC: You want a piece of this? Huh? You want a piece of this? Come get me!
{Pause}
BC: There's only room for ONE Bear in this house ... and I'm it!
{Pause}
BC: My Momma is MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!! MINE!!!!!!! Bear Cat doesn't share!

{Pause}
BC: If you're one of those intellectual weaklings who believe in "sharing" ... let me tell you ... BEAR CAT DOES NOT SHARE.
{Pause}
BC: There's no where to run. It's just you and me!
{Pause}
BC: I see you quaking in your boots ... err ... fur. You're afraid. And you should be. Because I'm going to beat the stuffing out of you!

{Pause}
BC: I SMELL your fear! Err ... no. I farted. Excuse you.
{Pause}
BC: YEAH! TAKE THAT, BEAR!!! There's more where that came from!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! I saw that! You stuck up your middle claw at me! Prepare to be unstuffed!
{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! MoooooooooMMMMMMMA! The bear looked at me funny!!! He's MOCKING me! I shouldn't have to put up with this kind of disrespect in my own home!
MK: {from the other room} BEAR? What's going on in there?
{Silence}
BC: This isn't going to be quick. I'm going to make it slow and painful. I'm going to unstuff you piece by piece. And if you fight, I'm going to tell my Momma on you!
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIII-YAH!
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
{Pause}
BC: HEY! You moved the bear!
MK: You were about to destroy him.
BC: EXACTLY!
{Pause}
BC: How rude! You moved him JUST as I was charging and I ran into the wall!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Oh, I get it, bear. You're such a sissy that you require MY Momma to save you! Phht. At least I don't require my Momma to save me!
MK: Ummm ... actually ... I've saved you quite a few times. When you got your paw stuck in the toaster, or your body stuck in the handle of the plastic bag, or your hind leg in the peanut butter ... and any time it storms or you're scared, you hide behind me.
BC: Who asked you?
MK: Bear, the stuffed bear isn't alive.
BC: You're taking his side!
MK: He hasn't done anything to you!
BC: He mocks me! Look at his face!
MK: Bear, his face is always like that.
BC: Then let me rearrange it!
MK: No.
BC: He looks like a bird-brained, dim-witted, imbecile pantywaist.
MK: Just leave the bear alone, Bear.
BC: Yeah, bear! You heard my Momma! Leave me alone!
MK: No, Bear. I was telling YOU to leave HIM alone.
BC: You take his side!
MK: No. There's just no reason for you to fight a stuffed animal.
BC: He's trying to start something!

MK: Says the cat that was circling him and trying to beat the smack out of a stuffed animal.
BC: HEY! Stuffed animals can be dangerous! ESPECIALLY when they try to steal one's Momma.
MK: I'm still here, Bear. 
BC: I saw you cuddling with him! Don't deny it! He was in MY FAVORITE spot!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Hmph. Don't BEAR me!!! Next thing you know, he'll be eating my food and playing with my toys! Or he'll get MY tasty whole chicken! He'll try to steal my favorite tortie! Bear doesn't share. Nope. NOT going to happen!

{Pause as Momma looks around the room}
MK: What the disgusting monkey muffin? 
{Pause}
MK: Bear! Why is your kibble all over the floor? 
BC: I didn’t do it!
MK: Bear, you’re the only living thing here that uses a food bowl and eats kibble. 
BC: I was framed!
MK: By who? And don’t say Gary and Larry! 

BC: Ummm ...
MK: Bear?
BC: You said not to say Gary and Larry! And now you get mad at me for NOT saying Gary and Larry.
MK: {sigh} Okay.
BC: It was Mary and Carrie.
MK: Aliens? 
BC: So you’ve met them?
MK: Bear … 
BC: No, no. I don’t know if they really exist. Gary and Larry might’ve been lying.
MK: The non-existent aliens lie? 
BC: Non-existent aliens lie just like existent aliens!
MK: WHAT? 
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: You spread the kibble all over the room!
MK: Why would I do that? 
BC: To get me in trouble!
MK: You seem perfectly capable of getting in trouble on your own. You don't need my help ... or Gary, Larry, Carrie and Mary.
BC: Well, yeah, but …
MK: And why would I make a mess that I’ll have to clean up? 
BC: That’s EXACTLY what I was wondering!
MK: I’m sure you were. 
BC: You humans … never make any sense!
MK: The crazies after pooping? The grass always being greener on the other side of a closed door? 
BC: Like humans are so perfect!
MK: You don’t see me spreading MY food all over the floor. 
BC: You SHOULD. Especially tuna and tasty whole chickens.
MK: I’ve never eaten a tasty whole chicken. That sounds awfully feathery! 

BC: It sounds TASTY! You should spread your food all over the place.
MK: Then I'd have to kill all the ants.
BC: You eat ants?
MK: No. They come out when food is left out.
BC: What ants?
MK: Exactly.
BC: Huh?
MK: Remember last summer when the ant invaded your food bowl?
BC: No.
MK: Exactly. I had to kill them.
BC: Is that a threat?
MK: NO! Why would ...
BC: On second thought, the teddy bear made this mess. I think he should be grounded. No! Kicked out! We don't need mess-making bears around here!
MK: Says the cat that ...
BC: The bear's getting away! He's getting away!!!
MK: BEAR! Bring him back here!
BC: I'm trying to catch him, Momma!
MK: He's in your mouth you pain in my behind!
BC: Don't worry Momma! I've got the miscreant!
{Pause}
BC: OOF!
MK: Give me the bear.
BC: Hi, Momma.
MK: You really should watch where you're going so you don't run into me.
BC: You try to carry this bear around in your mouth AND see what's in front of you.
MK: Uh huh.
BC: RATS! I was framed! At the last minute of my chase, he turned around and blocked my view! Don't worry, Momma! I'll teach this nefarious degenerate a lesson he can't forget! He was trying to get away! I swear!
MK: Do I really look that stupid?
BC: Is that a trick question?
MK: BEAR!
BC: I mean, you kind of DO look that stupid. 
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Hey! If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question!

Featured posts of the day:

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sunday Selfie #37

I know I'm handsome. So joining The Cat on My Head's Sunday Selfies blog hop is a no brainer! This week, I'm sharing pictures of me doing my cat things ... that flashy box manages to find me EVERYWHERE. The pictures are a little random and unrelated by anything other than containing ME!! After viewing my pictures, you're MORE than welcome to express your appreciation of this fine feline specimen with tasty whole chickens ... my Momma will give you the address (just tell her you're sending me socks!). ~Bear Cat

ps - You can see my previous Sunday Selfie posts here: #1#2#3#4#4.5#5#6#7#8#9#10#11#12#13#14#15#16#17#18#19#20#21#22 {Bear Kitten/Kitty - the couch}#23 {Bear Kitten hijinks}#24 {Bear Kitten/Kitty - other}#25 {Bear Kitten sleeping/Momma}#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33#34#35, #36.

Yes, the blinds are my paw-work. Actually ... it'd be more accurate to say, "teeth-work." NOTHING gets in between me and my sun!


My spot on the table.

Surveying my domain from the top of my cat tree. Can you tell I'm not amused?

"Sharing" my desk chair.

A cat can't even SLEEP in peace!




Saturday, February 18, 2017

Pet Blogger Showcase 02/18/2017

Twice a month, Bear and I co-host a Pet Blogger Linky Party along with co-hosts PetFaves, Heart Like A Dog, and Felines Opines. If you missed the last Pet Blogger Showcase, you can view it here: Pet Blogger Showcase 02/04/2017; past weeks as a co-host ... Pet Blogger Showcase 10/01/2016, Pet Blogger Showcase 10/15/2016, Pet Blogger Showcase 11/05/2016, Pet Blogger Showcase 11/19/2016, Pet Blogger Showcase 12/03/2016, Pet Blogger Showcase 01/07/2017, and Pet Blogger Showcase 01/21/2017.

Why do Bear and I like blog hops and linky parties?
  • We've met so many incredible new friends we'd never find otherwise. For the majority of blogs Bear and I visit on a regular basis, probably eighty percent of them or more we found through participating in blog hops.
  • With the variety of blogs that participate, there's so much to learn for those of us who can never know enough. Not to mention that there are a lot of touching, fascinating, or otherwise unique stories to be told outside of one's "niche."
  • They are great ways to build relationships within the blogging community. When Momma recently went through a tough time emotionally, our blogging friends were our best supports. So building relationships with other bloggers isn't just about increasing readership, but also connecting in meaningful ways that can often be lost behind a computer screen.
If you join our Party, please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

In keeping with the tradition of this particular linky party, my three favorite link ups from the last Showcase follow. A note on the last Showcase ... Bear and I were ecstatic at how many link ups we had last time!!! Especially with the great showing of felines! THANK YOU to everyone/everycat/everydog who linked up ... the Showcase is made better by each and every friend who joins.

*** Northeast Ohio Rocks - Travels With Barley ***

This post follows Barley as she discovers strange painted rocks ... and her search for the explanation behind these beautiful and inspirational works of art. Barley even tries her paw at creating a few herself. I was drawn in to the post because of my own experiences; when I was in treatment for my eating disorder, the facility had a tradition that patients paint rocks much like these ... some just pictures ... some words ... inspiring quotes ... and they all ended up in a rock garden. We were free to take or trade or gift rocks that we found that spoke to us at a specific time. Such a simple concept, with such healing and connecting implications! 

*** Snuffle Mat: Time to Hunt - My Life With Dogs PDX ***

In this post, we're introduced to the Snuffle Mat, a positive training tool using nosework and hunting instincts to train calm behavior. Christy shares how she uses the Mat and includes links to make your own at home if you choose not to buy a pre-made one. I was especially interested in the Snuffle Mat because I'm always looking for interactive toys to keep Bear Cat engaged and stimulated, especially when I'm not available and he gets restless.

Erin is among our closest blogging friends (okay, okay ... closest friends period). She's always got something to say about everything, as you would expect of a Princess ruling her domain ... with eyes on ruling the world. She also happens to be funny and sarcastic ... and sarcastic. In this post, Erin's after an unexpected, strange, and unpredictable symbol on her computer screen. Where'd it come from? Where's it going? And will the rogue punctuation survive The Princess herself? 

*** Shelter Cats and Garfield - Animal Shelter Volunteer Life ***

Wait! Wait! One ... no TWO more!!! We're counting this as a chosen ORGANIZATION ... though the blogs themselves are amazing and WELL WORTH your visit. For as long as I cohost, I will praise and raise awareness for PAWS, an incredible rescue in Norwalk, Connecticut that I've come to admire and wholeheartedly support. We LOVE these two blogs because of their upbeat attitude and because they do a phenomenal job of sharing this particular rescue - and the cats available for adoption there. PAWS offers a lot of great programs including a "pension plan" for senior pets up for adoption. We encourage our readers to visit these two blogs, check out the amazing animals up for adoption on PAWS' website, and support rescue efforts at PAWS and locally.

*********************************************************************************


Welcome to the Pet Blogger Showcase! This is the place for you to show off your favorite family friendly pet related posts, find other great posts to read, show some love to other bloggers and maybe be featured on one of the host blogs!

Meet the Hosts Behind the Showcase

PetFaves- Living the pet lover lifestyle

Heart Like A Dog- The good, the bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs

Felines Opines- The world from a feline point of view

Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat- The humorous and touching tales of a formerly homeless, yet always extraordinary, feline and his Momma, who's just along for the ride.

About the Pet Blogger Showcase

Twice a month, On the 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month, you have the chance to link up one of your blog posts to the linky party link-up. Then visit 3 other blogs that joined the party and leave a meaningful comment. Feel free to share with your followers on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. Then each week the hosts will feature their favorite 3 posts from the previous Linky Party on the new party post.

Pet Blogger Showcase Rules

1.    Share a pet specific post, past or present, from your blog in the linky below. Family friendly posts only. (We love reading about other topics and niches, but posts that are not pet related will be deleted this includes any posts that don’t mention pets even if they are on a pet blog or if the post could pertain to pets.)
2.    Spread the Love! Leave a quality comment(more than just a few words) on at least 3 other posts from the linky party. Tell them why you love their post, encourage them, share on social media.
3.    Check back for the next linky party to see if you are featured on one of the hosts’ blogs.

*Note: By adding your post to the linky party you are giving the hosts permission to use an image from your post if your post will be a featured post on their blog to help encourage people to click through to your post. The image may be used individually or as a collage.

ALSO ... please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

That’s it! No need to RSVP. No need to bring a covered dish. No need to add the linky to your post. No need to include a button. Just come join the party and PAWTY ON

Friday, February 17, 2017

The Dread Drop

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Dread Drop:
BC: {to the tune of the James Bond theme song} DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUH DA da de da.

MK: {lifting up the towel Bear's hiding under} Hey, Bear.

BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
BC: How do you know my name? Oh, woe! I've been identified and captured! I'm going to be tortured! They're going to declaw me one claw at a time! And make me listen to my Momma singing! Oh, the indignity! I'll have to watch her "dance" too! I've seen enough of the constipated caterpillar. I won't survive.
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: Oh. It's you. 
MK: What's going on?
BC: Do you MIND? You blew my cover!!
MK: What are you doing?
BC: Isn't it obvious?
MK: Not exactly.
BC: I'm UNDERCOVER, Momma.
MK: Ummm ... for what?
BC: If I told you, I'd have to kill you. This cat will self-destruct in ten ... nine ... eight ... eight ... err ... eight ...
MK: {sigh} Seven?
BC: I knew that! I was just testing you.
MK: Uh huh.
BC: {AHEM!} This cat will self-destruct in ten ... nine ... eight ... SEVEN ... six ... five ... four ... three ... two ... one ... Umm ... ONE! ONE!!! HELLLLLLLLLO? I said ONE!!!
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
MK: It doesn't work like that, Bear.
BC: Oh, sure ... a less intelligent being is going to TELL ME how it works! I've been trained, Momma. I'm a lean mean counter-terrorism machine. CAI and MI-8 certified.
MK: MI-8? You mean MI-6?
BC: MI-EIGHT. MIGHT. OBVIOUSLY.
MK: CAI? You mean CIA?
BC: Shows what you know! Clever advanced intelligence.
MK: Umm ... Bear? You're the only terrorist around here.
BC: Only when I don't get my way!
{Pause}
BC: Huh. That IS most of the time.



BC: But that's hardly MY fault! You're just mean!
{Pause}
BC: And you, lady, torture me all the time!
MK: Because I brush your teeth so you don't lose anymore? Because I wash your chin so your acne doesn't get worse? 
BC: Phht. You also "sing" and "dance" and clip my claws and starvatate me!
MK: Right. Because a fourteen pound cat is CLEARLY "starvatating."
BC: What do YOU know about starvatating? You eat pizza and doughnuts like ... like ... oh, NEVER MIND!
{Pause}
BC: Now, I have to go find another cover. THANKS A LOT!
MK: Maybe you should find a cover that actually COVERS you this time.
BC: {in a mocking voice} Maybe you should find a cover that actually COVERS you this time. AS IF I DON'T ALREADY KNOW THAT!
BC: DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUH DA da de da.
MK: Ummm ... Bear?
BC: NOW WHAT?
MK: Your entire back half is hanging out of the bag.
BC: WHAT?!?! That's impossible!
{Bear moves the bag a little to look toward his backside}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
MK: What are you trying to accomplish, Bear?
BC: There's a thief in our midst.
MK: A thief? Of what?
BC: {narrowing his eyes} Yeah, you WOULD want to know, wouldn't you?
MK: I just don't understand why you're going through all this.
BC: Let's just say that someone is stealing my poop from my litter box.
MK: I'm sorry .... WHAT?!?!?
BC: Poop. Litter box. 
MK: I always scoop your litter box, Bear.
BC: Yeah, yeah ... there's another poop thief around here. My poop's disappeared when you're otherwise occupied.
MK: Ummm ... yeah, The Boy scoops your litter box when you land a really stinky poop since you refuse to cover them.
BC: But those dread drops aren't for him!
MK: Dread drops? You mean dead drops?
BC: Haven't you gotten what I've laid down?
MK: What in the hell are you talking about?
BC: I leave messages in my drops.
MK: Poop?
BC: Intelligence disguised as poop.
MK: That's some smelly intelligence.
BC: Ha ha ... oh wait, that's not funny.
MK: Not even a little?
BC: This is SERIOUS business, Momma! Someone is intercepting my messages for you.
MK: Messages? What messages?
BC: {GASP} I KNEW IT! You're too stupid to understand the art of the dread drop! You haven't gotten ANY of my messages!
MK: Bear, if you have messages, why don't you just TELL ME whatever you think I should know? Up to a week ago, it was just me and you.
BC: Phht. We use the art of subtlety.
MK: Nothing is subtle about your poop, Bear. Talk about announcing one's presence.
BC: {GASP} THAT'S IT! The Boy! He must work for the DAI!
MK: Excuse me? You mean DIA?
BC: Dog Agency of Idiots! They eat their own poop, you know. Not very efficient for the dissemination of intelligence. And crappy intelligence doesn't get any better with each pass through the digestive system.
MK: BEAR!
BC: Well, he IS dating you. I mean that should be a tip off. He moved in to gather intelligence!
MK: If that's the case, then he's not an idiot. He's been here for a week and you're JUST figuring all this out?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Another mark of a DAI agent? Has he sniffed your butt?
MK: I don't think so. I mean ... hmmm.
BC: I KNEW IT! I'm going to catch him red-pawed ... err ... handed. SHH. I'm going back undercover, Momma. Can you open the cabinet for me?
{Pause}
BC: DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUH DA da de da.
{Ten minutes pass ... then The Boy opens the cabinet where Bear is hiding}.
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RATS! How did I get here?


The Boy: Honey? Why is the cat in the cabinet?
MK: Ask him.
The Boy: Bear, why are you in the cabinet?
BC: I got lost.
The Boy: How do you get lost and end up in a cabinet? It's not like you took a wrong turn at your litter box or anything.
BC: You wouldn't understand. 
The Boy: I think THAT'S fairly obvious.
BC: Though I find it interesting my litter box is the foremost thought in your mind. 
{Pause}
BC: Woof.
{Pause}
BC: ARF! ARF!
The Boy: Ummm ...
BC: You know what I said, don't you? You're one of THEM!
The Boy: One of who?
MK: You don't want to know.
The Boy: Don't want to know what?
MK: Just drop it.
BC: Is that code? Is HE dropping codes for you too? You're with THEM!
The Boy: WHO?
BC: You know WHO. Excuse you. I have work to do. Open the pantry.
The Boy: The pantry?
BC: Sheesh, you are somewhat dim aren't you?
The Boy: {opening the pantry} There.
BC: Do you mind? CLOSE THE DOOR! DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUN de da de da da da. DUH DA da de da.
The Boy: Did you drop him on his head as a kitten?
MK: {sigh} NO! 
The Boy: He's a strange one.
BC: Says The Boy who eats his own poop and sniffs butts!
The Boy: What's he talking about?
MK: You truly don't want to know.
{Silence}
The Boy: What's he doing in there?
MK: If you don't understand, I can't explain it to you.
The Boy: That's one of his lines.
MK: It just happens to be true in this case. I don't understand either.
{Fifteen minutes pass ... The Boy goes to the bathroom}.
BC: AHA!
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Bear runs under the bed}.
BC: They're after me! They're going to kill me! They're going to torture me! I'll have to listen to Momma's singing until my ears fall off! I knew this job was dangerous but that was close! I ALMOST was killed watching him dread drop! I need a better plan.
{Fifteen minutes pass}.

MK: Bear? Why are you hiding behind an empty bottle of soda?
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Bear IS NOT here.
{Pause}
BC: {whispering} I'm incognito! 
MK: As a soda bottle?
BC: Is this state the obvious day again?
MK: I'm pretty sure everyone can see you, Bear.
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmmm. Is this disguise better?

MK: {busting out laughing} You've GOT to be kidding!
BC: I fail to see the humor in the situation.
MK: Well, you certainly aren't an angel ... so if you're going for something no one would expect ... you succeeded.
BC: I'm not sure I like how you said that.
MK: Bear, you know who's stealing your poop. What do you accomplish by staking out your litter box?
BC: That's a good question. I ... umm ... uh oh. RATS! 
MK: No reason?
BC: Phht. There's a reason all right. I just can't tell you the reason.
MK: Where are you going?
BC: To take a nap! All this surveiling made me tired!
MK: What about the poop thief?
BC: What about him?
MK: Have a good nap, Bear.
BC: {walking down the hallway to his bed} I always do ... when you're quiet anyway. That's a subtle hint for you!

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